last week in perth

my last week in perth before flying home
like a holiday before coming home.

rushed to pack all my stuff.

was going to move and stay at bernie's till friday

week started out with nandos! mr eds and aunt merles picked those up

and then me and my loads of bags up and headed to beeliar.

hard to believe maddison had just got out of surgery

she was still literally boucning off walls!

and her baby's head is made of stone. my head knows.

nandos extra spicy, yumm.

maddison made her muffins, and i came to the conclusion

that kids like to finish their last bit of chocolate snack

by smearing it all over their face.

rest of the evening and night was over bottles of wine,

more chicken, and movies till late late in the morning.

wednesday was a lazy day in.

all of us pretty much sat around in the lounge doing nothing.

i got to a little packing of what im bringing home with me.

berns made carbonara for dinner and that was shiokadoos!

had a night out with her to newport! HAHA.

and we had fun.

from guys who thought we were mother and daughter!

and who thought we were japanese, only for me to speak rubbish japanese to him,

with him replying in real japanese. OOPS.

and a group of youngin' who were having shots with us.

berns drove him early back to her babies, and had car troubles! :(

leaving her carless for about a week! oh oh.

uncle dons came over thursday morning,

made more pasta or lunch.

chilled the arvo,

dinner again was gooooooooood.

i think i just miss home cooked food.

what do you get with magazines and blu tack?

a hell of a fun idea!

with our stroke of genius,

TADA!

even the baby couldnt escape his fate! :)

more movies to end our lazy quiet day.

friday morning was a lovely day with maddison.

started off with her coming out of the bedroom

"where's daffy?"
(yes, in her stutter and slur, i am now daffy.)

i heard her all the way from the study so i hid.
and when she peered the corner i jumped out.

she gripped her bottle and went "errr err err"

kids are no fun to scare sometimes.

and guess what, there was a speck of blu tack in baby ignatius' hair!

so bring out the scissors, OOPS. ha

lunch was a lovely cheese and cracker spread

with good pate and smoked salmon

olives and sun dried tomatoes, the works.

lovely arvo in with berns maddison and val.

only champers was missing.

and guys massaging our feet and giving us a pedicure

last minute packing left maddison asking

"why you packing, where you going?"

"i'm running away from home, maddison doesnt love me"

she frowned. folded her arms in thought.

eyes lit up and started jumping around,

"but i do staffy"

"really? how much"

"THIS MUCH"

*spreads her arms as widely, still jumping*

how can you not love kids?

she was a good pair of hands helping me pack tho.

apart from picking up my stuff and playing with it.
to putting lip gloss on, to wanting to paint her nails.

to playing with my lomo so i took out the film and let her so trigger happy.

to trying on my top which looks like a dress on her.

to opening up my art supplies and so we went colour euphoric.

then uncle domonic pulled up in the drive way.

i said my goodbyes.

princess maddison refused to.

oh well. i would have done the same.

never really a fan of goodbyes

but my week's been great!

as if i were home even before i flew.

last weekend in perth

my last weekend in perth was awesome.

bastian's farewell bbq on friday.
was out shopping with charlene earlier in the day first,
then over and gotten our potatoes and legumes grilled.
turned out great.
got bastian a pair of havianas with the aussie flag.
awwww im gonna miss my newport wednesday partner! :(
and no prizes for guessing where we went after.
newport!
where i met 37 yr old derrick from nz.
and then to metros.
ended the night so so so late/early
that i had just enough time to go home, quickly shower and change
then run for my bus to work, still half wonky.

work was so frustrating.
already half drunk/hungover, the other chickies on shirt just left me to do everything.
take orders, start the orders, while they literally just stood there,
waiting for things to pop out of the oven.
to the point i was boiling and burnt from the oven,
"WRAP THAT AND GET OVER TO HELP ME OUT OVER HERE"
hated that i worked with a long grumpy face, but really coudlnt help it.
night out was better. happy birthday stu!
got to meet his gf at last, miss sarah.
and his mate andrew.
started the night at the orient, then to newport then to metros (again)
met john! oooh the curlywurly hair.
(and gross chest hair)
went back to his nearby so he'll drive me home.
walking in we were looking at stars and i was showing him which was what.
then i went to take a leak,
next thing i know, he pulled out a mattress and quilt and pillow
and we slept in the garden.
it was awesome!
and i wanna wake up in the garden, everymorning!
with purple flowers falling to the ground.

off home and to stereosonic!
freak awesome!
paul van dyke, carl cox, infected mushrooms,
you the shizznick!! :)

andddd its back to work on monday. meeeh

end sem

the 25th marked my 4th month here,
today marks the end of my semester for me.
upon opening the exam booklet i just wanted
to scream, dance, jiggle and skidadles.
becuase ive come thus far
(did help that i could answer most of it!)

how time flies.
it was just yesterday that i was unpacking my stuff,
settling in to a not so comfortable small excuse of a bed,
to now picking up my clothes, shoes, books and bags all over my floor.
everything just went by faster then i could even make sense of it.
but i survived. so did we all.

coming to an end also marks the reminanicing of friendships forged,
orientations, the birthdays, good days, bad days, sad days, mad days.

drunken nights out before madness of assignments and exams started.
and how we just saw each other through in good times and bad,
anger, sorrow and lonliness.

goodbyes are due for bastian who's leaving to his motherland.
where they have dalmatinos (dalmations)
and tiger woods evidentally means jungle in pictionary.

not to mention the occasional weekend visits to the cousin's or relatives,

which was my escape from the brink of insanity.

getting hugs from little kiddies who make you pretend to be an elephant

to scare off the lions while they hide in the cave/truck hood cover thing.

i'm going to enjoy the rest of my time, relaxing and reflecting.
before anything rash or impulsive strikes me.
and most importantly,
i'm going to live (high and mighty).

because the exams are over and my weekend is officially here!!
(till the next semester!!!)
kicking it off with a bbq with the housematies
before my week of none stop (party) hits.
booyashaka!

snippets of life.

i honestly think you can never measure a mother's love,
unless you're either mother or child,
or maybe even a mother yourself.

but i stumbled upon this blog (thanks charlene)
and was just intriged by this woman's life. and i came to this entry.

and i quote
'In you, I’ve discovered a child’s love that is so tender, so sensitive, so sweet and so whole-heartedly absolute. When you say you love me, I don’t have to search deep in your eyes to see if you mean it, because it’s splashed across your face – you really do love me.'
Karen Cheng's Snippets of Life, 2008

and you can see it all, through the turmoil she's been through,
the warmth she feels from her son who makes her a better person
and makes her apprecite life more, almost as if bouncing out of bed each day.
i think i can only imagine being that lucky to come even close. swear.
and to realise these miracle, yet alone live it, is truly a blessing.

i use to think bloggers (especially those famed ones) write
attention seeking, rants and vents and a miniture gossip column
with bad english and lifestyles of the current generation.
i know i've been guilty of these kinda entries once in awhile.

how shallow i am sometimes.
how shallow we all can be.

she's really changed my opinion
(and gave blogger hope! HA)
i truly think she's an amazing human being in every sense of the word.
and i'm a new avid reader of her blog.

ho<3me

how to you go back to a place you call home,
when it doesnt stand for what it means,
or was anymore.

not because everyone's grown older,
but more seemingly so, grown out of each other
in ways i can never comprehend;
how it happened, and why.
and what's next and what will be left.

i thought the aftermath has gone, clearly mistaken.
the repurcussions seem worse
just when i thought we were going good.

for now, i'll just try and hold on
to those that still keep the walls of home standing.
i feel so selfish, wanting what i want.
when deep down all i wanted was to make you proud,
and happily carefree, someday for a long long time.
so mum, i'm coming home.
and we'll weather it through together.

hold your own, and everything will be just fine, in time.
i just wished, as always, i had answers for everything to make sense.
and to still make me believe in things that makes ur heart tingle.
and i just want to scream and know
that you will hear my pent up emotions for once.

fattening goose.

christmas is coming, and it doesnt feel like it! :(
i remember this time last year whilst suffering at internship,
we were so happy and merry whistling in our intern 'fishbowl' corner
to christmas tunes.
id half blame it on the exams, or just the absence of everything, christmas

i want a christmas tree!
so it'll start looking
and feeling like christmas.
hanging balls and ornaments and light.
then kick back, lay on the living room floor
just watching the lights dance over baileys and jazz.

i want a christmas tree!
so i can put presents under, and secretly hunt for mine,
and smile myself to sleep thinking whats in it.
still wishful for the day i find a puppy in one of boxes with my name on it.
a puppy, with the red ribbon.

i want a christmas tree!
because i know i won't be the only one around it.
with christmas socks dangling, too small for my presents (i hope!)
and the snuggling at the foot of it over hot chocolate,
or irish it, plus marshmellows.

most of all, i want a christmas tree,
to remind me to be hopeful and happy.
and think of home thats in my heart;
and all the warmth.

do they know its christmas time at all?

exam-oh

so the exams are here.
been finishing up the last few chapters of revision the whole day
along with writing my cheat sheet that i've forgot to eat.
so yes. at 9.30(perth time) i had my breakfast lunch and dinner.
cream pasta with shrimp, YUM.

exams kick off tmr.
starting off with bullcrap data stats and ANALysis tmr evening.
then its off to a viewing in freo and some shopping after.
and back to more studying as i catch up for chemistry,
and MUG for enviro science.

and i'm still lost.
should i go or stay?
and persue something else, somewhere.
le cordon bleu, i shouldve gone with u in the first place.
or i should have just never embarked on a misadventure.

ho hum. exams end on the 27th.
thank god i dont have work (this week)
if all goes well, i'd prolly be moving out of here by the 1st.
not till STEROSONIC on the 30th YO YO YO!
i'm supposedly due back on the 5th,
but theres so many things to do here before i leave.
like catch up with the relatives, busk in the summer sun,
go on a fishing trip, sip wine in the valley and marggie river.
and do some christmas shopping.
ornaments and deco here is NOTHING like those in singapore.
swear. sumpah.

not to mention yvette and darren will be back!
so prolly ill push my flight later, *fingers crossed*
but i dont want to miss christmas at home.
nor not have time to buy presents and wrap it THERE,
coz no way in hell im buying gifts here and bringing it back,
(theres no space in my bursting luggage)

so i'm all set, ALMOST.
for tomorrow's paper. with my ALLOWED cheat shet
cramped with my oh so pretty handwritting.
its an exam after so long. im not nervous yet, hmmm..?
hopefully itll go as well as im feeling.

tho i feel, a storm's coming.
i hear it.

whatright'sleft

talk about mindphucks.
i really wonder, what people think gives them the right..

to implicate other people in their problems
in which they just can't control and make sense of,
neglecting the position and implications imposed onto people involed.
that's selfish.

to chose someone, just because you're not happy,
or that you think it's the better of the two.
not knowing how much the relationship is already estranged as it is,
not caring how much worse you'll make it for everyone when truth be told.
she's blood, i may realise but she won't.
i didnt ask for this and i dont want to hear it.
that's fcukin selfish.

to do nothing instead of something you should be,
when i could have been somewhere else i needed to be,
not bothered at how i struggled which crosswords were more entertaining,
don't take advantage of me, you and all of you.
thats only so much i can take and will stretch.
that's selfish.

i guess we all forget sometimes, how people get selfish.
and that we may laugh and smile,
but the eyes never lie.
dont overlook how i am capable of being hurt, more easily then others sometimes.
and dont overlook how i too am human,
equally capable of hate.

tho i never wanted any of this, this way.
are you saying, you're better then me?
so really, what gives any of you the bloody right,
to put someone else in a position they dont deserve,
when they can be so much better.

left orright?

and the thing about me, ive realised;
is i look so much at how things will be at the end,
before even letting it begin.
there should be a manual, especially for me.

tnereffid eb gnidne siht tel esaelp esaelp esaelp

optimism

steph's all better now.
almost.
HO HUM.
the sun's shining. so am i.
exams are coming. boo.

decisions to make - stay or go during the summer?
earlier or later? hmmm
not good indecisive one.
and im considering buying an inflatable pool? HAHA.

friday night out was awesome.
what i really needed after a long staying dark cloud.
there's better be more better days like this to come.
i will update fully (an on backlogged entries)
when i have more time and more energy! :S
too drained from work. :(

because its harder to fall, when you're optimistic.

itskillingme

and the worst part is.
i have so much more to offer,
i know it, and feel it.
i just wished better opportunities presented themselves.
and that people had more faith in me.
its so hard being half the person you know you are,
or can be.

and it kills me, everyday.
slowly.

sugar,we'regoingdown

tear my heart open, i sew myself shut.
i dont know how to deal with disappointment,
especially from people you call 'friends'.
everybody's changing and i dont feel the same.
i dont know how to make sense of anything anymore.
utter mindphuck.
no front no back, no head no tail.
no beginning and no end.
its a whirlwind, churning for awhile.
turned hurricane spiralling out of control.
leaving everything a mess.

leaving steph a mess.
how do you tell if your on the path of total destruction?
how do you find your way back to who you are,
or use to be; how things were.
will they still be there the same way you left it?
and where do you start picking up the pieces on your path of recovery.

how do you find yourself after you've gone way off track.
which way is forward?

do you follow a spinning mind or listen to an uncertain empty heart?

manup

its amazing how sometimes, you expect things
without even putting in much yourself.
its like wanting to travel the world,
without paying for your tickets.
and its not me.

pumping iron

fickle and unpredictable.

hot and cold.

you're like the weather,

which i'm always stuck in.

take it or leave it.

second guessing is beneath me

at least its not something i need.

is a mindphuck i try to deny.

i need to know

surely, there'll be sun

for a long time.

do you know? or care?

happy pride.

never in my life have i seen, and most of all be surrounded
by so many happy people.
truly happy to be who they are, so free spirited
almost hippie love.

undoubtedly, my best perth experience thus far,
with perfect sun and great company of my almost neighbour charlene.
great bands, food and beer, and happy people.
gives red bull a run for their money, or their wings really.

started out dodgy with my leaky water bottle in my bag
causing a swimming pool and a half-past-ten handphone
and a K.O.-ed ipod :(
so got changed out of my drowning bag and finally made our way down.

bus train walk lost walk YAY.
and some people are just scary. plain scary.
'aie u, give me money ay. give me your money bag ay'
this trashy teen said, deated hiding behind a stroller with a baby
and i presume her mum next to her, only grinning away. ZOOOMG.
yes, im pansy sometimes.

so it was fair day, in celebration of the reinvention
of gay pride.
i feel more, liberated somehow. more open and free.
charlene took her shots, i took in the atmosphere.
happy faces, happy pride.

good sun good fun good music.
we prolly were on the news dancing like mad people in the background,
charlene and her air guitar.
too bad no more pride flags left to buy.
temp tats of the flag on her arm, my back.
sex dice, hers gold and black, mine glowy in the darky :)
nachos, beers, wine, fries, sausage (no bread!)
weee.
rock your hearts out.

bumped into old singapore friends on that day too.
audrey again who poor dear lost her voice
then gail and jess who ive not seen in forever.

now back to a hectic week of
work, attempts to study and start my assignment, and planning.
but i'll defo hold on to this feeling.
for a long long time.
<33

mundane

and the week's gone by, just like that.

sunday - lazy day in
initial plan was to have a day out in the sun in freo, but no sun only gloomy out.
on and off. just like how people are. so i ended up going to bull creek thinking woolys was open,
but no. so just had my subway fix. watched tropic thunder back at mine with pinky.

monday - home study
lectopias. readings. msn. facebook. attempts.

tuesday - half day
tuts in morning, lecture. home readings. one tree hill

wednesday - home study
self explanatory. repeat monday. plus landlord took us for a BIG chinese dinner at bateman. so yummy, and STUFFED. even back for cake and jelly and tea. supplies till thurs dinner, swear.
heroes season 3 with jase after, and no readings. boo.

thurday - chem labs + uni tav
lecture then lab. no ugg boots in labs steph. tiring day with 1230-430 non stop.
straight to the tav with anand. audrey was there, and singapore vanessa, then matthew, chai, leon, marlini, veena, casey, kenyan vanessa and a few others. ive dj, boogie night just too tired and not in the too dancy mood. something lurking at the back of my mind; some naggling thoughts which i dont even know what. its that stupid daunting feeling which wont go away and you just stoneeeee.

friday - home and a freo
no study tho. too busy surfing the net. freo at night. i actually ran for the bus, heels off.
caught up with matt, ravi, this chick and new friend nigel.
thought to newport, but metros instead. HWET :( not financially and mentally prepared for that detour. so i headed to newport for abit myself after. left in time to grab some fries and catch the last bus home, myself.

saturday - interview with the hawks
had a 9am interview at subway. you're hired :) hwet. light grocery shopping then home.
no toilet cleaning coz the housemate was still zzzz.
ended up catching the footy finals with jase over lunch and beers at some place in oxford in leeder. i think ive finally grasped (most of) footy. YAY HAWKS!
and then chilled out over stupid aussie tv and movies - cars *beep beep*

well, that was it. as mundane as i try not to make it seem.

babies 'r' gorgeous

the sun's chasing the rainclouds on my head away! :)

i texted uncle dons early this morn to ask for directions
to god knows where MALAGA is in perth.
freaking like, 10,00 miles away from the moon.
and turns out uncle dons was just 5 mins away from, wherever.
so YIPPEE.
he picked it up on my behalf. awesomee.

he came over mine to drop of the cards,
and we even went to see baby ignatius!

he's just precious, boy is he gonna be hawt and gorgeous.
bernie was just glowing with beauty.
lovely arvo for me, most defos!


and he does his one eye open/closed stint. cute.
but this one, takes the cake! :)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

back to school to meet the groupies to finish off the transect.
big load off. met jason right after for a beer, some take away chinese,
and a muscle man movie at his. omg ARNIE?! wtf. HAHA
home after, early night. not quite.
lets just blame my unability to control my addiction to the new seasons of
one tree hill, heroes, desperate housewives (caught up, waiting new one!)
yeah. awesome, la.

identify-more.

and so some kind soul decided to ring my phone.
apparently my theif has a conscience.
may have kept my wallet along with the transperth card, money, tongue stud and tampons in it,
but threw out all my cards including ids and bankcards,
even though ive already paid some money to get certain stuff replaced
like my padi (bloody $55 pls)
but thank god. really.
i got back what i really wanted and needed.
and i'm not the only one it happened to.

whoever you are.
just stop. salvation is your to take.
so just take it and not take wallets no more.

hermit.

i wish i could find better words
to let you know how i'm feeling
and how this is tormenting me,
at almost every slight thought of it.
how i always feel misunderstood,
and act the way i do
given all the circumstances.

and in the end,
i wish i could put my heart mind and soul on a platter,
for those who've hurt me, or i've hurt,
to see what's really going on.

and how i never meant for any of it.
i'm the new hermit.

finally fridays

i had a FINALLY perfect day
twas friday.

started off with the 'lazy to get out can't be arsed-ness'
till i rolled off and got ready.
invited matthew and bastian over for dindins.
so got the stuff ready, prepped the chicken wings and meatballs.
*FYI meat for the meatballs were from sausages.
YES sausages. i just sliced then and pretty much got the meat out
from two sausages so 3 people can share the love. haha .
so yes, got that done and set aside.
while i took a shower and went to school
data statistics test which i didnt study for went swell.
i swear its like what i did in singapore, but only called 'E MATHS'

grocery shopping with ine and audrey after at bullcreek.
overbudgetted. and ine can shop! HAH .
and so excitingly shes making cookies, yum!
and how great when we were about to go home with our big bags,
it rained. FUN.

and the best part.
matthew and bastian came over after school at about 630ish.
i didnt get anything on the stove! HAHA.
but it took me about 20 mins to get everything done.
spagetthi and meatballs and chicken wings on the side.
uncle james even threw in his green bean soup! meow.
stuffed just nicely. and we tripple teamed with the dishes.
that was awesome, and fast!!
doing the dishes never seemed so easy.
i guess you can really never ever go wrong with food, beer and PICTIONARY
awesome possem fun.
it was just a perfect chill out when its raining out.
chilled out over beers till charlene came and the games started.
was fun. perfectly fun and snuggly on the inside warmth.

bastian left to catch his bus home.
we played on abit more with our own invented version of the game
so we can carry on with 3 players.
till suddenly the storm outside sounded so bad.
so we called murdoch security to pick and send matthew back,
dropping charlene on the way back.

that ends my friday.
perfect end to my bad start of the week
and i hope i only go up from here.
weeeeeeeeeeee!

so goodnight goodnight.
sunday brunch is defo on the agenda for me.
i want and need one! :)
freooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lovin.