it seems that the more i try to walk away,
the deeper i sink in thoughts of you.
and the more that happens,
the less i know you.
but noone has to know.
when i see you standing there, wanting more from me,
and all i can do is try.
then i see you standing there, i'm all i'll ever be,
and all i can do is, try.
Friday, August 25, 2006
wo bu zhi dao.
i'm not one to pretend.
i don't know how to.
and everytime i decide that i should walk away,
i crave more.
but here i am, only screaming in your face
that i need you to be by me.
stand by me.
and never let me go.
there's so many things i want to tell you,
so little you already know.
how is it i allow my heart to feel this ache,
in a quest that i know, will have no good ending.
if i told you anything, i predict there'll be nothing.
even less then what was there to begin with .
my yearning is strong, my fear of rejection is stronger.
its my heart you're dealing with,
and somehow i dont trust anyone to take care of it.
oh what can i do?
where should i go?
i don't seem to know anything, anymore.
i don't know how to.
and everytime i decide that i should walk away,
i crave more.
but here i am, only screaming in your face
that i need you to be by me.
stand by me.
and never let me go.
there's so many things i want to tell you,
so little you already know.
how is it i allow my heart to feel this ache,
in a quest that i know, will have no good ending.
if i told you anything, i predict there'll be nothing.
even less then what was there to begin with .
my yearning is strong, my fear of rejection is stronger.
its my heart you're dealing with,
and somehow i dont trust anyone to take care of it.
oh what can i do?
where should i go?
i don't seem to know anything, anymore.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
i'm gorgeous
yes trev, this is a good read for you,
since you said yesterday that i should stop blogging not-happy stuff.
here goesssssss.
so to tp to study yesterday.
met felix, picked him in cab, headed to mensa for food.
guess what i had? LOL, duh.
thats where i bumped into trev. yup.
after that headed to scout for a spot where we could study,
but the library was just jammed packed.
so we went to the study area in the bus school.
saw celest, long time never see her.
felix dosed off halfway.
syah joined us, and like late lately, audrey and yang ying as well.
they didnt stay long .
we didnt after too.
i just did marketing, alittle though.
at about 6+ we left, mum picked us up, dropped us at bus stops coz she had to go for dinner.
and after long hard persuasion of different people and from different people,
i decided to go clubbing.
yes, I'M GORGEOUS! LOL
ladies night at mos.
felix came over, dropped off his stuff.
left, waited for chong and odi at kembangan.
they suspect that the indian dude on odi's left was watching bollywood porn! : *yelps*
and then they suspect that the guy in front of them was "standing"
figure that out. LOL.
took the NEL towards clarke quay from outram.
when the trained stoped at the first stop, i pushed past felix who was on the phone
and nearly alighted at CHINATOWN.
-_-" BLUR COCK.
even felix on the phone knew it wasnt the stop.
pai seh la. dont laugh.
reached clarke quay, we went to get chop first at mos.
rach and odi went first, me and felix safeguarded our drinks.
then our turn, they gave me 2 pamflet to change for goodie bags.
i changed 1 and they were reluctant to give me the 2nd.
they thought felix wanted it, then he pointed to the girls on the pavement,
"its for my friends"
"DONT BLUFF LA, FOR YOU THEN SAY FOR YOU LA" the big burly bouncer said. LOL.
went in to put my bag, and the goodie bags, and the worst of the worst happened.
A TRANNY APPROACHED US!
and she/he just plonked her/his hand and ramaged through one of the bags.
i thought she/he just wanted to check the contents out.
digging like nobody's business, gold digger! heh.
suddenly she/he struck jackpot! EYELINER DUDE!
and she/he just took it la! that one not so bad, but she/he wanted to kiss felix! ! ! ! !
felix backed up, then she/he wanted to kiss ME!!!!!!!!!
GAWD.
just TAKE IT AND GOOO!!
actually no la. i wanted the eyeliner BACK!
but don't mess with trannys. they ran faster then any girl in heals. :S
tramautized for awhile.
SIGH. that was a good eyeliner.
off to 711 we went, with a quick detour to the atm and macs.
rachel tried to 'take' cups so we could mix our rums.
and she got CAUGHT. Lol. LAMER felt soooooooo proud that he helped his buddy who was working there catch a cup-kappoer
nvm, pay 30cents for cup. chee tots.
sat at the stairs of the longkang where we enjoyed longkang breeze. heh.
let the mixing begin!
we had the malibu with orange juice.
2 cups, one carton and one in the bottle. LOL. each of us had something.
the drink was awesome! minus the pulp la.
decided to finish up the shit rum first, so at least we'll have a good taste in our mouth with the malibu.
so we had shots neatstraigh up from the bottle cap at first then upgrade to bottle itself.
audrey and carol came like, when there was just a can of beer left.
and 7up which no one touched much of.
while drey was gulping the tiger down, she lent me her green eyeliner (was it?)
and i used the calander card in her deck of cards as my piece of paper.
all in ploy of my msg in the bottle.
LOL.
so childish, but i just wrote what my heart was craving for.
a deprate hope that things would go my way? perhaps.
so i scribbled it in doctor's andwritting and shoved it into the bottle,
and felix threw it into the river.
perhaps its like throwing a peice of my heart that has been weighing me down, and still is somehow.
so the 2 headed to gotham to drink, 3 cups i heard (this is relevant for later, HEHE! )
and yes, we went to danceeeeeee!
actually not quite yet.
rach and felix sat at the stairs.
me and odi were going nuts trying to get them to get their asses up and HURRAH!
so we went to the toilet coz stephie needed to pee peee.
and OMG, there was a girl like totally SMASHED. like PASSED OUT serious.
worse shit ive ever seen .
the toilet was all wet, coz im assuming her 2 friends tried to splash her awake.
and she was just, prolly lying on her puke.
she had no strength or sense to just stand up, neither could her friends get her up coz she didnt want to, and coz she started scratching them.
terok as shit, serious.
like a lifeless dugong on the shallow reef.
and according to her friends, she's had only 7 drinks.
tsk tsk.
we went outside, and they still were in the same spot as when we left ah!
and then they moved! but to the pavement. PFFT.
rach sat next to puke, and she didnt even care. GIRL!
they said 2 mins they'll go, and plus plus plus later then they went.
inside was quite packed.
danced abit with em, then went to find ad and the rest in the pack of people.
found them! and joined them for abit.
ju, mag, ad, and their friend from california, sharon.
danced, and felix all came over to our side.
audrey and carol decided to join us.
me and odi, and drey's nose stud and tongue.
we even went up on the podium speaker thing.
odi, rach and me.e
and some irritant bouncer kept flashing a laser at us, FINE WE'LL GET DOWN. geesh.
danced in the jam packed cage.
got to the centre, and i saw matthew! met his friend jac too.
then off i went again, to find rachel, who went to find another audrey.
yes, that audrey that was my kindergaten classmate in OLPS.
yes, when i had my darn bowl haircut.
and they were plonked at the china one stairs. together with audrey's brothers.
suddenly i remembered when she had one of her bday parties when we were younger,
and one of her bro's did a donald duck impersonation.
oh how i want to be a kid again, so young and carefree.
and this is the ugly shot of the day .
ok la, maybe only i look ugly, the 2 still quite ok.
so yup, more sitting down on stairs.
can you see it from our face, that "WE WANNA GO DANCEEE"
went back in, and marli was there! like finally, after donkey years she decides to come.
sujan came too.
zul was there, i cap taking his cap.
it was good to see him again.
he's such a g-uuuuuunit person la.
anyways, didnt stay long with marli they all,
odi needed her bag coz they were leaving, so i checked our stuff out,
and checked drey out outside.
sprawled on the pavement.
saying she puked 2 times already.
then they had FOOD! :)
somehot dog, without the sausage.
but the bread tasted RATHER GOOD,
and i finshed the whole darn thing. HEH
and 1 curry puff, and another half more in the cab.
felix carried audrey, then he couldnt anymore.
so we just put her arms around our shoulders and took her out to put her in a cab .
aiyo ah girl only had 3 drinks! heh.
and she didnt dance much! aiyo audrey ah.
rach odi felix and myself hopped into another cab home.
went pass my OLPS slope. COOL.
i miss my preschool.
reached home, made the room for my princess, checked my AR,
and i got a C+.
work hard steph.
princess came out of the shower, so i went down to sleep.
or rather roll.
i kept rolling the whole way through.
roll till marli called in the morning.
i apologise that i didnt let u guys know i left, my phone was deaddd.
anyways, decided to stop rolling then,
so i got myself up, and went to cook.
i made soup, omelette creepes with mushroom, sausage and cheese, and toasted garlic bread.
quite theraphutic i must say .
princess was awake and i didnt know coz he didnt call.
his phone died to actually. lol.
so i brought him breakfast and we had a battle of worms!
you just won by luck felix qui yi han .
just because of sudden death and the rising tide
i won you that one time by SKILLLLL.
rematch soon. be afraid, be very afraid.
we then had a hell of a laugh over our msn convo with audrey.
secret thing only me and felix and drey know. shhhh.
cheked out my goodie bag,
i quite like the red earth stuff.
my pot of eyeshadow was a lovely shade of brown. YUM.
the eyeliner is 3-in-1. but just my luck i got a GREEN one. DANG de dang.
i want black. hmmpf.
oh well, at least i know what my next purchase will be on.
and to answer my depression over me vs my fats.
SpYxxkEx says: ala why would u weri if ure fat or thin, how would it affect u i ask
★☆ Steph says: self concious
SpYxxkEx says: haha. coz ure mind saes ur fat, ure body n soul have to suffer? sad rite..change ure mentality,,fat aint bad fat means more like to float wen u fall into the pool
SpYxxkEx says:
which is a good thing
LOL. darn cute la.
something that perked my day up.
but just for one last day, let me be emofied.
(sorry trev, i know no more not-happy stuff.
but i just had to. HEH. )
i tried to find my place, and now i know what its not.
so i just have to walk away,
with so many things left unsaid.
you'd never know, coz i can never show.
and this is the end.
except it steph.
it never even began in the first place.
only in your wildest dreams.
here's a resolution i'm letting go.
i just want to be the best person i can be.
and the person i can never be to you.
since you said yesterday that i should stop blogging not-happy stuff.
here goesssssss.
so to tp to study yesterday.
met felix, picked him in cab, headed to mensa for food.
guess what i had? LOL, duh.
thats where i bumped into trev. yup.
after that headed to scout for a spot where we could study,
but the library was just jammed packed.
so we went to the study area in the bus school.
saw celest, long time never see her.
felix dosed off halfway.
syah joined us, and like late lately, audrey and yang ying as well.
they didnt stay long .
we didnt after too.
i just did marketing, alittle though.
at about 6+ we left, mum picked us up, dropped us at bus stops coz she had to go for dinner.
and after long hard persuasion of different people and from different people,
i decided to go clubbing.
yes, I'M GORGEOUS! LOL
ladies night at mos.
felix came over, dropped off his stuff.
left, waited for chong and odi at kembangan.
they suspect that the indian dude on odi's left was watching bollywood porn! : *yelps*
and then they suspect that the guy in front of them was "standing"
figure that out. LOL.
took the NEL towards clarke quay from outram.
when the trained stoped at the first stop, i pushed past felix who was on the phone
and nearly alighted at CHINATOWN.
-_-" BLUR COCK.
even felix on the phone knew it wasnt the stop.
pai seh la. dont laugh.
reached clarke quay, we went to get chop first at mos.
rach and odi went first, me and felix safeguarded our drinks.
then our turn, they gave me 2 pamflet to change for goodie bags.
i changed 1 and they were reluctant to give me the 2nd.
they thought felix wanted it, then he pointed to the girls on the pavement,
"its for my friends"
"DONT BLUFF LA, FOR YOU THEN SAY FOR YOU LA" the big burly bouncer said. LOL.
went in to put my bag, and the goodie bags, and the worst of the worst happened.
A TRANNY APPROACHED US!
and she/he just plonked her/his hand and ramaged through one of the bags.
i thought she/he just wanted to check the contents out.
digging like nobody's business, gold digger! heh.
suddenly she/he struck jackpot! EYELINER DUDE!
and she/he just took it la! that one not so bad, but she/he wanted to kiss felix! ! ! ! !
felix backed up, then she/he wanted to kiss ME!!!!!!!!!
GAWD.
just TAKE IT AND GOOO!!
actually no la. i wanted the eyeliner BACK!
but don't mess with trannys. they ran faster then any girl in heals. :S
tramautized for awhile.
SIGH. that was a good eyeliner.
off to 711 we went, with a quick detour to the atm and macs.
rachel tried to 'take' cups so we could mix our rums.
and she got CAUGHT. Lol. LAMER felt soooooooo proud that he helped his buddy who was working there catch a cup-kappoer
nvm, pay 30cents for cup. chee tots.
sat at the stairs of the longkang where we enjoyed longkang breeze. heh.
let the mixing begin!
we had the malibu with orange juice.
2 cups, one carton and one in the bottle. LOL. each of us had something.
the drink was awesome! minus the pulp la.
decided to finish up the shit rum first, so at least we'll have a good taste in our mouth with the malibu.
so we had shots neatstraigh up from the bottle cap at first then upgrade to bottle itself.
audrey and carol came like, when there was just a can of beer left.
and 7up which no one touched much of.
while drey was gulping the tiger down, she lent me her green eyeliner (was it?)
and i used the calander card in her deck of cards as my piece of paper.
all in ploy of my msg in the bottle.
LOL.
so childish, but i just wrote what my heart was craving for.
a deprate hope that things would go my way? perhaps.
so i scribbled it in doctor's andwritting and shoved it into the bottle,
and felix threw it into the river.
perhaps its like throwing a peice of my heart that has been weighing me down, and still is somehow.
so the 2 headed to gotham to drink, 3 cups i heard (this is relevant for later, HEHE! )
and yes, we went to danceeeeeee!
actually not quite yet.
rach and felix sat at the stairs.
me and odi were going nuts trying to get them to get their asses up and HURRAH!
so we went to the toilet coz stephie needed to pee peee.
and OMG, there was a girl like totally SMASHED. like PASSED OUT serious.
worse shit ive ever seen .
the toilet was all wet, coz im assuming her 2 friends tried to splash her awake.
and she was just, prolly lying on her puke.
she had no strength or sense to just stand up, neither could her friends get her up coz she didnt want to, and coz she started scratching them.
terok as shit, serious.
like a lifeless dugong on the shallow reef.
and according to her friends, she's had only 7 drinks.
tsk tsk.
we went outside, and they still were in the same spot as when we left ah!
and then they moved! but to the pavement. PFFT.
rach sat next to puke, and she didnt even care. GIRL!
they said 2 mins they'll go, and plus plus plus later then they went.
inside was quite packed.
danced abit with em, then went to find ad and the rest in the pack of people.
found them! and joined them for abit.
ju, mag, ad, and their friend from california, sharon.
danced, and felix all came over to our side.
audrey and carol decided to join us.
me and odi, and drey's nose stud and tongue.
we even went up on the podium speaker thing.
odi, rach and me.e
and some irritant bouncer kept flashing a laser at us, FINE WE'LL GET DOWN. geesh.
danced in the jam packed cage.
got to the centre, and i saw matthew! met his friend jac too.
then off i went again, to find rachel, who went to find another audrey.
yes, that audrey that was my kindergaten classmate in OLPS.
yes, when i had my darn bowl haircut.
and they were plonked at the china one stairs. together with audrey's brothers.
suddenly i remembered when she had one of her bday parties when we were younger,
and one of her bro's did a donald duck impersonation.
oh how i want to be a kid again, so young and carefree.
and this is the ugly shot of the day .
ok la, maybe only i look ugly, the 2 still quite ok.
so yup, more sitting down on stairs.
can you see it from our face, that "WE WANNA GO DANCEEE"
went back in, and marli was there! like finally, after donkey years she decides to come.
sujan came too.
zul was there, i cap taking his cap.
it was good to see him again.
he's such a g-uuuuuunit person la.
anyways, didnt stay long with marli they all,
odi needed her bag coz they were leaving, so i checked our stuff out,
and checked drey out outside.
sprawled on the pavement.
saying she puked 2 times already.
then they had FOOD! :)
somehot dog, without the sausage.
but the bread tasted RATHER GOOD,
and i finshed the whole darn thing. HEH
and 1 curry puff, and another half more in the cab.
felix carried audrey, then he couldnt anymore.
so we just put her arms around our shoulders and took her out to put her in a cab .
aiyo ah girl only had 3 drinks! heh.
and she didnt dance much! aiyo audrey ah.
rach odi felix and myself hopped into another cab home.
went pass my OLPS slope. COOL.
i miss my preschool.
reached home, made the room for my princess, checked my AR,
and i got a C+.
work hard steph.
princess came out of the shower, so i went down to sleep.
or rather roll.
i kept rolling the whole way through.
roll till marli called in the morning.
i apologise that i didnt let u guys know i left, my phone was deaddd.
anyways, decided to stop rolling then,
so i got myself up, and went to cook.
i made soup, omelette creepes with mushroom, sausage and cheese, and toasted garlic bread.
quite theraphutic i must say .
princess was awake and i didnt know coz he didnt call.
his phone died to actually. lol.
so i brought him breakfast and we had a battle of worms!
you just won by luck felix qui yi han .
just because of sudden death and the rising tide
i won you that one time by SKILLLLL.
rematch soon. be afraid, be very afraid.
we then had a hell of a laugh over our msn convo with audrey.
secret thing only me and felix and drey know. shhhh.
cheked out my goodie bag,
i quite like the red earth stuff.
my pot of eyeshadow was a lovely shade of brown. YUM.
the eyeliner is 3-in-1. but just my luck i got a GREEN one. DANG de dang.
i want black. hmmpf.
oh well, at least i know what my next purchase will be on.
and to answer my depression over me vs my fats.
SpYxxkEx says: ala why would u weri if ure fat or thin, how would it affect u i ask
★☆ Steph says: self concious
SpYxxkEx says: haha. coz ure mind saes ur fat, ure body n soul have to suffer? sad rite..change ure mentality,,fat aint bad fat means more like to float wen u fall into the pool
SpYxxkEx says:
which is a good thing
LOL. darn cute la.
something that perked my day up.
but just for one last day, let me be emofied.
(sorry trev, i know no more not-happy stuff.
but i just had to. HEH. )
i tried to find my place, and now i know what its not.
so i just have to walk away,
with so many things left unsaid.
you'd never know, coz i can never show.
and this is the end.
except it steph.
it never even began in the first place.
only in your wildest dreams.
here's a resolution i'm letting go.
i just want to be the best person i can be.
and the person i can never be to you.
Monday, August 21, 2006
service, A ah!
yesssss ah!
i've aced my proficiency test and my quizes!!!!
woooo hooo!
at least i'm doing well in one subject.
*does a funky dance*
oh yeah, oh yeah!
but shortlived thanks to a party pooper.
BLEAH! .
training was goooood.
the friendlies was well, fun yes, but we could have done better.
3-1 to the yr 3s.
good inserts by gale, good composure.
on our side, abit panic, and hitting the correct gaps, hands posed a lil problem.
guilty as charged.
nonetheless, good warmup. a lil fast paced though.
then fitness.
there's so many things i want to learn from charlotte.
went on to fast hands and pinkys.
i'm trying my best to work on my 'fingers habbits'
and as heartening it is to see some people being patient with me,
i guess i'm the idiot who is hard on myself each time i mess up.
someone once told me, each time i step on the feild, have an objective in mind.
and i've realised, that i have not done that in awhile.
good time to start again steph?? :)
the ending of training was best.
practicing moves. continual cycle defence attack defence attack.
its taught us composure, endurance, thinking and moving on our toes.
i'm soooOOOooo looking forward to this week's game.
i know i know i KNOW we can.
blister blues for now.
study tmr ah steph.
thank you.
i've aced my proficiency test and my quizes!!!!
woooo hooo!
at least i'm doing well in one subject.
*does a funky dance*
oh yeah, oh yeah!
but shortlived thanks to a party pooper.
BLEAH! .
training was goooood.
the friendlies was well, fun yes, but we could have done better.
3-1 to the yr 3s.
good inserts by gale, good composure.
on our side, abit panic, and hitting the correct gaps, hands posed a lil problem.
guilty as charged.
nonetheless, good warmup. a lil fast paced though.
then fitness.
there's so many things i want to learn from charlotte.
went on to fast hands and pinkys.
i'm trying my best to work on my 'fingers habbits'
and as heartening it is to see some people being patient with me,
i guess i'm the idiot who is hard on myself each time i mess up.
someone once told me, each time i step on the feild, have an objective in mind.
and i've realised, that i have not done that in awhile.
good time to start again steph?? :)
the ending of training was best.
practicing moves. continual cycle defence attack defence attack.
its taught us composure, endurance, thinking and moving on our toes.
i'm soooOOOooo looking forward to this week's game.
i know i know i KNOW we can.
blister blues for now.
study tmr ah steph.
thank you.
21/8/06
mummy say bf is easy to find.
macham like any tim dick and harry can.
wah thanks.
and yes,
whoever made the bet that i wouldnt be going to church,
you've won.
-_-"
argh. i cant believe it.
later theres a friendlies between the yr3s and 2s.
right before training.
i cant wait!
my thunder thighs too! :)
dang. one cause of depression after another.
i'm starting studies tmr.
dont be surprised if im not online, or if i am.
it prolly means another day of delay.
but then im rather worried.
my corsework aint that fantastic.
and i have to get at least an A for my B .
SUCKS.
im thirsty.
and i feel like going fishing.
i just realise this is a totally random entry.
macham like any tim dick and harry can.
wah thanks.
and yes,
whoever made the bet that i wouldnt be going to church,
you've won.
-_-"
argh. i cant believe it.
later theres a friendlies between the yr3s and 2s.
right before training.
i cant wait!
my thunder thighs too! :)
dang. one cause of depression after another.
i'm starting studies tmr.
dont be surprised if im not online, or if i am.
it prolly means another day of delay.
but then im rather worried.
my corsework aint that fantastic.
and i have to get at least an A for my B .
SUCKS.
im thirsty.
and i feel like going fishing.
i just realise this is a totally random entry.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
beautiful stranger
so the girl did well for ntl.
8-1 against UWC.
CONGRATS TO SHIMO FOR MAKIN MVP! :)
darn, i wanted to play uwc. OH WELL.
i heard it was a good game.
congrats to the girls.
and darn, police won.
heh, ok la, they played generally well,
better then the packz.
one ah-wooo! LOL.
thye wasted alot of opportunities la, especially with the slow thrower. POOT.
can see people not having the want to be involved in the play, right timo? heh.
but alot of internal fighting for both teams, is just, stoopid.
sat there watching with nurul, charlotte, zaki, zam and javin,
and can u believe a damn white spider crawled onto me!
i suddenly miss peter so :(
after the game, we took bus to loyang point.
was looking forward to eating the chicken rice but tooo lateeee.
closed.
in the end we ended up eating at macs.
felix joined us.
macs had ran out of mayo, but when they took extra long to deliver zam's burger and it finally came,
it had a white sauce in it. LOL.
and we seriously doubt its mayo.
what do u get with an attitude staff and a customer wanting his burger?
go wild.
charlotte left to gie's to do her project.
and the boys were mixing some concoxion of sauces
and DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A GOLD PEPSI?! like gross.
so yeah, tartar sauce, chilli, ketchup, icecream, pepsi, you name it.
then we played open numbers to see who'd get the honour of sipping it.
round 1 to CHUN! LOL!
round 2, to ZAM! plus a bite of one of the soaked fries.
round 3, CHUN AGAIN!!! LOL. and he actually finished the whole fry.
gross la.
then we all left. all of them went up to angie's to take a look at her project mates.
they say she pretty so javin and zam want to see. LOL.
i walked felix home. awww.
coz my mum picking me frm his house busstop :)
but so ulu pandan rambutan his walkway, especially up the stairs through the semi-d's
reached home, had to help my mum stuff her puffs with durian custard.
ushed through coz i wanted to watch the movie 'unfaithful' that was showing on channel 5.
nice movie, i enjoyed it very much.
its very, novel like, as in some scenes were methephor what not.
and yes, the french dude is a heartthrob!
living in piles of books! oooh i like.
i like artsy fartsy guys.
writers, painters, poets. bonus if can sing and pay an instrument.
so yum la, oh yes, cook too!
then we can have a picnic in the middle of nowhere,
whule he reads his poems ti me as we sip wine under the moonlight
seranading me till i fall soundly asleep in hus arms.
WAH.
yes you wish steph.
and i've found myself a listening ear.
heh.
and yes, it may be true that it is easier to confide in someone who doesnt know you well,
and vice versa.
the world could do with more people like that,
i could dowith more people like that.
easy to talk to, doesnt judge, most of all, understanding.
well, at least the effort is there. and i couldnt ask for more.
such a beautiful stranger.
and the worms kept me up till 2am.
8-1 against UWC.
CONGRATS TO SHIMO FOR MAKIN MVP! :)
darn, i wanted to play uwc. OH WELL.
i heard it was a good game.
congrats to the girls.
and darn, police won.
heh, ok la, they played generally well,
better then the packz.
one ah-wooo! LOL.
thye wasted alot of opportunities la, especially with the slow thrower. POOT.
can see people not having the want to be involved in the play, right timo? heh.
but alot of internal fighting for both teams, is just, stoopid.
sat there watching with nurul, charlotte, zaki, zam and javin,
and can u believe a damn white spider crawled onto me!
i suddenly miss peter so :(
after the game, we took bus to loyang point.
was looking forward to eating the chicken rice but tooo lateeee.
closed.
in the end we ended up eating at macs.
felix joined us.
macs had ran out of mayo, but when they took extra long to deliver zam's burger and it finally came,
it had a white sauce in it. LOL.
and we seriously doubt its mayo.
what do u get with an attitude staff and a customer wanting his burger?
go wild.
charlotte left to gie's to do her project.
and the boys were mixing some concoxion of sauces
and DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A GOLD PEPSI?! like gross.
so yeah, tartar sauce, chilli, ketchup, icecream, pepsi, you name it.
then we played open numbers to see who'd get the honour of sipping it.
round 1 to CHUN! LOL!
round 2, to ZAM! plus a bite of one of the soaked fries.
round 3, CHUN AGAIN!!! LOL. and he actually finished the whole fry.
gross la.
then we all left. all of them went up to angie's to take a look at her project mates.
they say she pretty so javin and zam want to see. LOL.
i walked felix home. awww.
coz my mum picking me frm his house busstop :)
but so ulu pandan rambutan his walkway, especially up the stairs through the semi-d's
reached home, had to help my mum stuff her puffs with durian custard.
ushed through coz i wanted to watch the movie 'unfaithful' that was showing on channel 5.
nice movie, i enjoyed it very much.
its very, novel like, as in some scenes were methephor what not.
and yes, the french dude is a heartthrob!
living in piles of books! oooh i like.
i like artsy fartsy guys.
writers, painters, poets. bonus if can sing and pay an instrument.
so yum la, oh yes, cook too!
then we can have a picnic in the middle of nowhere,
whule he reads his poems ti me as we sip wine under the moonlight
seranading me till i fall soundly asleep in hus arms.
WAH.
yes you wish steph.
and i've found myself a listening ear.
heh.
and yes, it may be true that it is easier to confide in someone who doesnt know you well,
and vice versa.
the world could do with more people like that,
i could dowith more people like that.
easy to talk to, doesnt judge, most of all, understanding.
well, at least the effort is there. and i couldnt ask for more.
such a beautiful stranger.
and the worms kept me up till 2am.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
unamazing race.
so deployment is over!
so is school!
now just exams, which i have to work uberly hard for.
especially since my corsework grades arnt that great.
SIGH .
i seem to be getting down with the flu again.
i want to catch the match later
between police and wolfpackZZZ.
i support wolfpackz. coz emo timo playing. LOL.
but for real, i support the winning team :)
and again, i'm mighty sorry felix.
so is school!
now just exams, which i have to work uberly hard for.
especially since my corsework grades arnt that great.
SIGH .
i seem to be getting down with the flu again.
i want to catch the match later
between police and wolfpackZZZ.
i support wolfpackz. coz emo timo playing. LOL.
but for real, i support the winning team :)
and again, i'm mighty sorry felix.
Friday, August 18, 2006
weakling
yes, i'm not as strong as alot of people think i am.
but why still? i dont smile or laugh as much anymore.
and its times like this that i wish i could just run to church.
to regain the strength i once posses.
maybe i just need reasons to be strong.
i cant seem to find my dreams anymore.
anyway, this sunday i have an appointment with god.
signed, sealed delivered.
but why still? i dont smile or laugh as much anymore.
and its times like this that i wish i could just run to church.
to regain the strength i once posses.
maybe i just need reasons to be strong.
i cant seem to find my dreams anymore.
anyway, this sunday i have an appointment with god.
signed, sealed delivered.
who am i to you.
what am i to you?
you, you you and YOU.
oh what a bad bad day.
already the whole day i'm feeling fucking depressed about me being fat.
and how my tummy's like a seal's
just when i wanted to do my assignment,
zul called, and asked me to do his resume for him.
i'm like, ok. its YOUR resume for YOUR job,
but i'm doing my assignment though i cant help at the moment
and suddenly it became my fault that i DIDNT WANT to help him.
that was it. breaking point.
and it so occurs to me that how true it was,
when someone once said that "i support others better then i support myself"
maybe this is what it means.
when people need something from me, i'd have to overlook my situations and needs to oblige.
and when i dont, its my fault, my bad. coz i cant say no.
or yet the simplest things, when i'm pouring my feelings out,
the topic is changed to revolved around the person my heart's crying to,
or that i'm ignored. flat. or brushed off.
for once, or just for a mere moment, let me know you listen.
i'm not expecting you to care, just emphetise.
listen.
and now, i'm more depressed abt the people in my life rather the situations of my life.
havnt i been there enough? or in the right way ever to deserve a good meaningful 5 mins of your time?
would it hurt once in awhile to ask if "i'm ok?" and truly mean it?
i cant remember when it was last i had a sincere hug.
or when someone said they loved steph for her.
can no one hear that my heart is screaming for attention?
can no one see that everyday i lose myself piece by piece?
maybe its not that i cant support myself as well as i support others,
its that i hope they'd know how much they mean to me,
and hopefully id mean the same too
so when the time comes i need them as how they did before, theyd be there to support me,
take me out of my own depression.
but no.
perhaps i'm living my life wrong.
or that i'm living the wrong life.
or that i'm right,
this life's not at all much worth living.
because yes, it is a vicious cycle.
tell me how not to be this un-optimistic?
you, you you and YOU.
oh what a bad bad day.
already the whole day i'm feeling fucking depressed about me being fat.
and how my tummy's like a seal's
just when i wanted to do my assignment,
zul called, and asked me to do his resume for him.
i'm like, ok. its YOUR resume for YOUR job,
but i'm doing my assignment though i cant help at the moment
and suddenly it became my fault that i DIDNT WANT to help him.
that was it. breaking point.
and it so occurs to me that how true it was,
when someone once said that "i support others better then i support myself"
maybe this is what it means.
when people need something from me, i'd have to overlook my situations and needs to oblige.
and when i dont, its my fault, my bad. coz i cant say no.
or yet the simplest things, when i'm pouring my feelings out,
the topic is changed to revolved around the person my heart's crying to,
or that i'm ignored. flat. or brushed off.
for once, or just for a mere moment, let me know you listen.
i'm not expecting you to care, just emphetise.
listen.
and now, i'm more depressed abt the people in my life rather the situations of my life.
havnt i been there enough? or in the right way ever to deserve a good meaningful 5 mins of your time?
would it hurt once in awhile to ask if "i'm ok?" and truly mean it?
i cant remember when it was last i had a sincere hug.
or when someone said they loved steph for her.
can no one hear that my heart is screaming for attention?
can no one see that everyday i lose myself piece by piece?
maybe its not that i cant support myself as well as i support others,
its that i hope they'd know how much they mean to me,
and hopefully id mean the same too
so when the time comes i need them as how they did before, theyd be there to support me,
take me out of my own depression.
but no.
perhaps i'm living my life wrong.
or that i'm living the wrong life.
or that i'm right,
this life's not at all much worth living.
because yes, it is a vicious cycle.
tell me how not to be this un-optimistic?
Thursday, August 17, 2006
chill
is it me or does singapore idol REALLY SUCK!?!
i swear its more of a popularoty competition then singing.
cant wait to see the new show dancefloor and what it has to offer.
yesterday's sakuras plan was scrapped at the last min.
bleah, so sad.
instead we headed to genki,
myself, marli, dee and nurul.
bottoms up! talked alot of cock and signh jokes were mad.
ad joined us, and we walked to coffeebean to meet yam and azlina.
talked more cock, syah came, then azlina and yam left
another azlina came, dee and nurul left
ju came, marli left.
WAH.
talk cock till 10++.
I WONDER IF YOU KNOW, HOW IT IS IN TOKOYO.
fast and FURRRRRIOUSsssSS.. DRIFT DRIFT DRIFT! lol.
ok la dont know the exact lyrics, everyone got different versions. JUST LA.
damn shagged.
talked abt old school cartoons, weird sex stuff
but i stonning la. lol.
cabbed home after.
so today there was no school.
stayed home, slept in.
watched the dvd 'cars'
quite nice, and cool.
at least i didnt sleep through it like how i did for 'over the hedge'
just abt at the ending pan called, ask to head towards town.
contemplated abit. but decided to since nothing else to do .
made plans to meet felix first, YA LA I LATE I KNOW.
sorry it wont happen again coz u mean alot to me my friend.
PFFT.
there was timo, pan, eug, and carol.
walked around, ying jie came after.
i feel quite bad, i dont know what to talk to them abt.
well, didnt even talk much la.
had much comtemplation to join arjun n amy at zouk.
in the ultimate end, decided not to coz i felt fat.
and also the fact that i was in 3/4s and slippers.
POOT.
i feel hungry.
exams are coming.
so is my driving test.
and the 'amazing race'
and ntls.
and then i have to decide,
to chiong for bike or car lisence.
hmmm
i swear its more of a popularoty competition then singing.
cant wait to see the new show dancefloor and what it has to offer.
yesterday's sakuras plan was scrapped at the last min.
bleah, so sad.
instead we headed to genki,
myself, marli, dee and nurul.
bottoms up! talked alot of cock and signh jokes were mad.
ad joined us, and we walked to coffeebean to meet yam and azlina.
talked more cock, syah came, then azlina and yam left
another azlina came, dee and nurul left
ju came, marli left.
WAH.
talk cock till 10++.
I WONDER IF YOU KNOW, HOW IT IS IN TOKOYO.
fast and FURRRRRIOUSsssSS.. DRIFT DRIFT DRIFT! lol.
ok la dont know the exact lyrics, everyone got different versions. JUST LA.
damn shagged.
talked abt old school cartoons, weird sex stuff
but i stonning la. lol.
cabbed home after.
so today there was no school.
stayed home, slept in.
watched the dvd 'cars'
quite nice, and cool.
at least i didnt sleep through it like how i did for 'over the hedge'
just abt at the ending pan called, ask to head towards town.
contemplated abit. but decided to since nothing else to do .
made plans to meet felix first, YA LA I LATE I KNOW.
sorry it wont happen again coz u mean alot to me my friend.
PFFT.
there was timo, pan, eug, and carol.
walked around, ying jie came after.
i feel quite bad, i dont know what to talk to them abt.
well, didnt even talk much la.
had much comtemplation to join arjun n amy at zouk.
in the ultimate end, decided not to coz i felt fat.
and also the fact that i was in 3/4s and slippers.
POOT.
i feel hungry.
exams are coming.
so is my driving test.
and the 'amazing race'
and ntls.
and then i have to decide,
to chiong for bike or car lisence.
hmmm
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
national day 2006
a week after national day.
heres what happened last week.....
so the house was parent-less.
BBQ time!
lu, baldwin, timo, felix, eug, pan & wan came over.
normal bbq.
chao ta corn, stout mushroom, garlic mashed potato specially mashed.
the best part was the drinking part la.
i tot my jelly shots werent as great,
tenquila doesnt match up to vodka when it comes to that.
mad mixing of tenquila with ribena, i just wanted to get rid of my tenquila.
its too, taxing on the tongue.
anyway, starting off the drinking session, downing of beer!
down the can, and shake the remains over ur head.
SONG! felix finished first, respect.
tried to play the goggles game which failed miserably.
followed by a game of china man.
shots of baileys as the drink.
the whole bottle was finished just on one round alone.
tiffy's face redder then felix can .
after that we went to the chill room.
another round of china man with the tenquila. KILLER.
it tastes like SHIT.
but at last it was finished.
then we went on to rum.
and wine. and beers.
played other games.
the ze yi bei game.
timo sucks at it. he kept drinking.
wan left.
more beers.
timo started getting louder.
eug started touching felix.
timo louder again. this time plonking off the car.
kept rolling rolling rolling till under the table.
blackout thanks to pan who hit the lightswitch that had an 'X' on it.
*smacks forehead*
but funnier is the polar bear who kept shouting "OK OK!" that decided to get out from under the table to check out what happened.
he ran to the stairs shouting "OK OK BLACKOUT!"
and then thinking 'so dark how to get downstairs'
so i shone my handphone flashlight for him to watch his step,
only for him to reply "wah! my phone brighter"
-_-"
lu and baldwin left, poor things got caught in the rain.
timo already gone. slept on the bed, gave him a plastic bag.
eugene also k.o. after a few more beers with me.
end up left me, pan and felix playing majong.
after awhile, we heard a "sound"
lets just say after that it took a whole bottle of air freshner, a cooler as an impromptu container for soiled linen and a totally empty plastic bag.
pan ran out the room 5 secs after, felix cleaned up and flipped eug over who slept through till 730am.
and the rest is history.
HEH HEH.
totally SMASHED la mr polar bear ze yi bei.
next morning cooked all the leftover food,
so hesitant to ask bernedatte to cook coz she had to wash the cooler's content.
but she laughed it off, so i knew she was cool.
ate while watching 'pirates',
then played cluedo over 'big mama's house 2'
felix who never got to play it when he was younger played and won his first game.
not bad.
played till like 4++ till everyone left.
got ready for training, and left.
yup, that was it.
and utterly fun national day this year was.
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
confusion from non existant minute signals
that feels ironically good.
heres what happened last week.....
so the house was parent-less.
BBQ time!
lu, baldwin, timo, felix, eug, pan & wan came over.
normal bbq.
chao ta corn, stout mushroom, garlic mashed potato specially mashed.
the best part was the drinking part la.
i tot my jelly shots werent as great,
tenquila doesnt match up to vodka when it comes to that.
mad mixing of tenquila with ribena, i just wanted to get rid of my tenquila.
its too, taxing on the tongue.
anyway, starting off the drinking session, downing of beer!
down the can, and shake the remains over ur head.
SONG! felix finished first, respect.
tried to play the goggles game which failed miserably.
followed by a game of china man.
shots of baileys as the drink.
the whole bottle was finished just on one round alone.
tiffy's face redder then felix can .
after that we went to the chill room.
another round of china man with the tenquila. KILLER.
it tastes like SHIT.
but at last it was finished.
then we went on to rum.
and wine. and beers.
played other games.
the ze yi bei game.
timo sucks at it. he kept drinking.
wan left.
more beers.
timo started getting louder.
eug started touching felix.
timo louder again. this time plonking off the car.
kept rolling rolling rolling till under the table.
blackout thanks to pan who hit the lightswitch that had an 'X' on it.
*smacks forehead*
but funnier is the polar bear who kept shouting "OK OK!" that decided to get out from under the table to check out what happened.
he ran to the stairs shouting "OK OK BLACKOUT!"
and then thinking 'so dark how to get downstairs'
so i shone my handphone flashlight for him to watch his step,
only for him to reply "wah! my phone brighter"
-_-"
lu and baldwin left, poor things got caught in the rain.
timo already gone. slept on the bed, gave him a plastic bag.
eugene also k.o. after a few more beers with me.
end up left me, pan and felix playing majong.
after awhile, we heard a "sound"
lets just say after that it took a whole bottle of air freshner, a cooler as an impromptu container for soiled linen and a totally empty plastic bag.
pan ran out the room 5 secs after, felix cleaned up and flipped eug over who slept through till 730am.
and the rest is history.
HEH HEH.
totally SMASHED la mr polar bear ze yi bei.
next morning cooked all the leftover food,
so hesitant to ask bernedatte to cook coz she had to wash the cooler's content.
but she laughed it off, so i knew she was cool.
ate while watching 'pirates',
then played cluedo over 'big mama's house 2'
felix who never got to play it when he was younger played and won his first game.
not bad.
played till like 4++ till everyone left.
got ready for training, and left.
yup, that was it.
and utterly fun national day this year was.
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY!
confusion from non existant minute signals
that feels ironically good.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
ntuc
so i went grocery shopping with my mum.
well she didnt pick out as much as she use to.
which reminds me,
that maybe we aint around home enough.
anyway, i saw this guy.
average joe. he was alone.
he prolly was doing personal shopping.
but oh what a turn on it is to see men do their own groceires.
or maybe its for his other half.
perhaps, since he has dvds in his video easy plastic bag.
but how nice to have such a man.
who knows how to just, chill at the comforts of home.
even if its just popping in a dvd to watch alone,
or snuggling with a loved on while watching it.
he'd make dinner she'd set the table.
or maybe its to cheer a loved one up.
maybe that person is sick, and needs hot soup.
and he just needed to get special ingredients, including a movie.
oh what a dream bf/husband/father he could be.
my prized creatibe mind with jut one mere trip to the suprmarket.
steph steph. *tsk*
well she didnt pick out as much as she use to.
which reminds me,
that maybe we aint around home enough.
anyway, i saw this guy.
average joe. he was alone.
he prolly was doing personal shopping.
but oh what a turn on it is to see men do their own groceires.
or maybe its for his other half.
perhaps, since he has dvds in his video easy plastic bag.
but how nice to have such a man.
who knows how to just, chill at the comforts of home.
even if its just popping in a dvd to watch alone,
or snuggling with a loved on while watching it.
he'd make dinner she'd set the table.
or maybe its to cheer a loved one up.
maybe that person is sick, and needs hot soup.
and he just needed to get special ingredients, including a movie.
oh what a dream bf/husband/father he could be.
my prized creatibe mind with jut one mere trip to the suprmarket.
steph steph. *tsk*
depression
i think sooner or later im going to admit myself for depression.
im so depressed about so many things.
on the top on my list.
my body.
i hate my broad shoulders and pouch of a belly.
not that i want to be the next kate moss of anything,
but i just hate it that my body matebolism is slower then a snail.
its not that i eat alot.
sometimes i can only remember eating one meal a day.
maybe im eating elephants' portions.
and i cant pin point why i look different.
as in not as cute as before.
ARGH.
and why im not as much as a cam whore now then before.
then, money.
bills bills bills and i want to get my lisence.
fucktards.
family.
i dont know what it means anymore.
friends.
i dont know who can/ will be there.
paranoia.
silence.
in my home.
around me.
in my heart.
racing thoughts which cannot translate into words because im not expressive
but ironically utterly sensitive.
scolding myself in the mirror for being plump.
being stupid for cant thinking of what to wear,
and then when shopping cant find something that appeases me and my wallet.
I DONT KNOW
my mind now is just circles
circles here, circles there.
circles circles EVERYWHERE!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
suddenly i thought, maybe im growing up to fast.
ive always thought i had the mind of a 68 yr old, and that was 3 yrs ago.
68 + 3 = 71 :
stupid, im not talking sense.
MORE CIRCLESSSSSSSSSSSS.
i want to just clonk myself in the head to knock some sense into me.
or maybe i just want to see stars?
oh yes, how i love stars.
now i (and you) know why depression is a mental condition.
im so depressed about so many things.
on the top on my list.
my body.
i hate my broad shoulders and pouch of a belly.
not that i want to be the next kate moss of anything,
but i just hate it that my body matebolism is slower then a snail.
its not that i eat alot.
sometimes i can only remember eating one meal a day.
maybe im eating elephants' portions.
and i cant pin point why i look different.
as in not as cute as before.
ARGH.
and why im not as much as a cam whore now then before.
then, money.
bills bills bills and i want to get my lisence.
fucktards.
family.
i dont know what it means anymore.
friends.
i dont know who can/ will be there.
paranoia.
silence.
in my home.
around me.
in my heart.
racing thoughts which cannot translate into words because im not expressive
but ironically utterly sensitive.
scolding myself in the mirror for being plump.
being stupid for cant thinking of what to wear,
and then when shopping cant find something that appeases me and my wallet.
I DONT KNOW
my mind now is just circles
circles here, circles there.
circles circles EVERYWHERE!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
suddenly i thought, maybe im growing up to fast.
ive always thought i had the mind of a 68 yr old, and that was 3 yrs ago.
68 + 3 = 71 :
stupid, im not talking sense.
MORE CIRCLESSSSSSSSSSSS.
i want to just clonk myself in the head to knock some sense into me.
or maybe i just want to see stars?
oh yes, how i love stars.
now i (and you) know why depression is a mental condition.
im not ok
yes, im not alright.
i dont know what to say, and where to start.
but i guess its people not being there when i need them most.
yes, so ive been told alot of people care abt me.
i dont need to know, i need to feel,
just when i needed it most.
the game was a shitty one for me.
yet as messed up as i am, i still cant come to terms that it was entirely my fault.
but its not as if anyone bothered to just, be with me.
i dont have a problem with accepting a harsh reality,
but rather the reality that if you dont perform, you might as well just warm down, debreif and leave.
coz no one sees you for he whole day after.
overexpectations on others on my part? or a reliant weakness of my frail self esteem?
its alright, ive tasted it before. but i cant shake the feelings off.
just the preoccupation of thoughts that what if one day i do really need someone to be there.
who would be.
and my whole night was in silence.
over dinner and beers.
i was just drowning in my scattered mind.
until pop.
i just had to cry my heart out.
yet i couldnt bring myself to share whats on my mind
because i dont know who i can with.
why such a hard choice?
becuase people change. people arnt who they are all the time.
or rather they get caught up in their own moments of joy,
you become shamfully invisible.
or that people forget, and so they forget to just, listen.
so why pluck up the courage to risk my feelings on people that dont take care of my feelings,
who dont remember what it is that is bothering me.
actually i dont really care.
i just need people to remember to remember to be there.
and to remember what it is we share that makes ours friendship in the first place.
i need them to remind me how it is like to be free.
to smile.
its the simple things in life we forget.
and tmr, ill be okay, yet again.
i dont know what to say, and where to start.
but i guess its people not being there when i need them most.
yes, so ive been told alot of people care abt me.
i dont need to know, i need to feel,
just when i needed it most.
the game was a shitty one for me.
yet as messed up as i am, i still cant come to terms that it was entirely my fault.
but its not as if anyone bothered to just, be with me.
i dont have a problem with accepting a harsh reality,
but rather the reality that if you dont perform, you might as well just warm down, debreif and leave.
coz no one sees you for he whole day after.
overexpectations on others on my part? or a reliant weakness of my frail self esteem?
its alright, ive tasted it before. but i cant shake the feelings off.
just the preoccupation of thoughts that what if one day i do really need someone to be there.
who would be.
and my whole night was in silence.
over dinner and beers.
i was just drowning in my scattered mind.
until pop.
i just had to cry my heart out.
yet i couldnt bring myself to share whats on my mind
because i dont know who i can with.
why such a hard choice?
becuase people change. people arnt who they are all the time.
or rather they get caught up in their own moments of joy,
you become shamfully invisible.
or that people forget, and so they forget to just, listen.
so why pluck up the courage to risk my feelings on people that dont take care of my feelings,
who dont remember what it is that is bothering me.
actually i dont really care.
i just need people to remember to remember to be there.
and to remember what it is we share that makes ours friendship in the first place.
i need them to remind me how it is like to be free.
to smile.
its the simple things in life we forget.
and tmr, ill be okay, yet again.
Friday, August 04, 2006
the last of me.
EVERYTHING'S OVER!!
no more projects
presentations, tests,
interviews, NO MORE NO MORE.
at least till the exams end the sem entirely. HEH. :)
yesterday woke up uberly early for an exhibition match at blanga rise.
it was awesome.
not so much in the game, coz all of us played at snail pace.
but more so of the kids and their enthusiasm.
the day started with dragging myself into the shower and then to the bus stop to be picked up
by the rest of the tp volunteers,
namely lu felix and dee.
gone to get my boots at tp, then made our way to the school.
omg traffic was a killer, i swear the journey nearly made me puke out my empty stomach
so initial meeting time of 715, but our arrival was at 8am.
lucky marli good mood, because got hemsem pe teacher so she chipmunkily smile smile
HEE.
he not hemsem hemsem, but body hemsem.
his adam apple is damn high i swear.
anyway, it was blues vs whites.
unfair mix BTW. haha!
halfway through kids started joining us in the play. DARN CUTE.
i helped louisa, a primary 3 ah girl.
then game time was over. marli went to the crowd of kids,
who WERN'T very much taller then her.
and and and , the towered over her saying "I WANT TO PLAY!" and they were on tiptoes please!
so it was time to say goodbye.
and off to harbour front centre to eat.
freaking funny conversation, but not as funny as dee's favourite song that was playing.
btw, it was felix's day i swear.
firstly, after the game, he came to me and lu, and said,
"that small girl quite pretty ah"
lu darted him by saying, "WAH SMALL GIRL ALSO WANT",
along those lines. LOL.
secondly, dee was looking for a source of an irritating sound.
only to say "FELIX I CAN HEAR U CHEW FROM HERE! "
heh heh.
thirdly, on the way into school, we were looking for our pet spiders,
(just one day we came across a huge web with 1 huge spider on it and another small one)
peter being the big one johnny the smaller (felix would tell u otherwise)
and while walking up the slope without finding our pets,
felix suddenly paused in his steps.
"shit" he said.
timo and i was stunned to what he was talking about.
then he pointed to his toe.
BIRDSHIT! HAHA!
right smack on his toe that kiaps the slipper. wah CANNOT TAHAN!
i even made him a song.
felix is now konwn as the BSB.
BIRDSHIT BOY!
show me the meaning, of having birdshit.
is this the slipper, i need to walk with.
tell me why, i can't be there where you are.
heh heh.
sorry la felix. i just had to.
consider adequate payback for making me carry you zinger meals,
BOTH you and timo.
hehe.
anyway after harbour front we went to meet timo at marina for my shopping.
didnt do much coz i didnt find much.
though i relly like the zara dress, its zipper was spoilt. but i LOVE IT SO! :( :( :(
oh well.
instead i bought undies from topshop (been a long while)
a skirt from warehouse.
total damage didnt even hit $50, so phew.
marketing interview was stupid for me.
i just didnt have the mood to give it well, 60%? HEH.
i just gave like 3 sentences answers at the max.
i cant help but feel that its been repeated too many times that its meaningless.
so eff it.
to training i'll go.
and on the way in the blue bus, things and people around me just suddenly made me realise.
that i dont know if the friends i have now will be friends down the road.
especially since there are early symptoms.
anyway again i was reminded of how trust is of utmost imporance.
and it cuts like a knife. and i won't be afraid to admit,
that it scares the FUCKING SHITTERS OUT OF ME.
not that ive breeched anyones trust,
but im a coward should i find out the mine has been.
on a lighter note, training was swell.
we practiced our SD move, and this training i was able to sort out my doubts regarding the appropriate gaps i'm suppose to be hitting.
note to self, IMPROVE YOUR CHEEBAI HANDS!
*ahem* pardon that. but yes.
NATIONAL TOUCH LEAGUE BEGINS THIS SATURDAY!
yes ah! im excited. and dare i say, more confident?
yes, not only of myself, but for all of US US US :)
through the training, i felt that the move was VERY well executed.
and thinking back, the times where i did it most efficiently was when it was executed with nurl, vie and myself.
just so happened it was us the trio. of it just never got round to other combos during our game.
but yes, sastifaction? definately.
and i daresay that alot of us are efficiently improving in our own ways.
i find that gale does VERY nice inserts, just bummer that sometimes the ball never gets to her.
perhaps playing next to her helped me see that, but i like that i can read her gaps easily.
goal settings after was awesome as well.
this was the first ever best goal settings i felt.
it was common and precisely what we need/want.
in conclusion, this is a good start to something great.
TIP: NEVER peel blisters with your bare hands,
you'd end up with a BEEEEG patch of skin being ripped off, leaving your bare flesh being exposed.
in case you don't know, IT HURTS.
and today.
alarm rang at 630, woke up at 715.
WAH TANKS. i dozed off.
rushed my shower, left my house just slightly before 8
met aimee and off we were to school.
bloody sentosa shuttle (internal and external) was irritatingly hogged by the NAFA people having some sports day or so they say.
who the hell has it IN SENTOSA.
thanks la, disrupt our routine.
so, together with the 1hr-late-for-culinary-class samuel who is going to be cooked by the chef,
we shared a cab in.
samel tells the best life stories,
especially of him sleeping on kitchen floors.
BET YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT! :)
so yes, $6.70 damage, great. *rolls eyes*
deployment week 2.
now THREE people take photo with me.
i manage to persuade 2 china guys to get LOADS of keychains.
they had a bucket full each.
and this couple to buy the merlion mornument, buy 4 get 1 free.
a chopin plate plus 3 of those acrylic plaque thingys.
well, ok la. though i didnt like that i had to peel myself away from one customer just because another one shouted for my attention.
oh well.
btw, the store was flooded today! yes! lol. due to some pipeage thing.
to think that sweeping the floor was something you dont see steph do often,
try picture her sweeping water! HAHA!
darn cute.
then it stopped, now just the many many puddles.
and when i was sweeping up the bit in front of the counter,
this indian uncle insisted he take over.
so OK.
and that was the start of my grammy award winning performance.
thanks to one brave photograper.
walked around aimlessly for a place to have lucnh,
ended up back at school for prison food.
the rest of the day i did redemption.
quite fun. better then last week. i felt more in control, vs the china people shoving cards in my face.
1 or 2 good lookers of the day.
overall today was alright.
though it rudely struck me that somehow, i am a closet introvert.
and yes, this is the first and only time you'd see me saying that.
i realise its hard for me to warm up to people.
so i guess they think that i'm stupid, or dumb for not saying much.
then i thought of someone's msn nick
"don't mistake a quiet man for a fool for he might be thinking more then you"
but i dont like it, that i'm sometimes like that, SO SHY FOR WHAT FUCK.
i'm just, further supressing the me i want people to know me for.
maybe i do deserve the emmy award after all.
we ended at 425 then the usual 4 pm like we did last week.
the rest didnt wait for us, freaking great right.
did urked me, though i guess i sounded unaffected,
like i always try to.
went up to the merlions mouth and head.
from there could see a few of the boys in school changing for their friday soccer. LOL
then we left, went to harbour front with kate, till she dissapeared.
met chai and nic, trained with them .
then it was with aimee all the way to bedok.
my mum bastard me.
she ask me wait for her to pick me from the simei station.
after 20mins, i called her and she say "i'm still on the highway"
wah thanks. i walk home la.
i'm hungry.
and i'm desprate to convert my frown into a smile, that i'm heart phucked.
i dont want to pretend anymore. but its the only things i know how to do.
and i'm just, stuck.
probabely thats the source of my headache.
perhaps right now, i just need to come at terms with the truth
that i might not be, who i thought i was, and can be.
and it'll help, if everyone just live with the me they get,
princess tantrums and mood swings with the ultra sensitivity, cheesy jokes and all.
i dont need much, i just need for you to understand me when the time comes.
no more projects
presentations, tests,
interviews, NO MORE NO MORE.
at least till the exams end the sem entirely. HEH. :)
yesterday woke up uberly early for an exhibition match at blanga rise.
it was awesome.
not so much in the game, coz all of us played at snail pace.
but more so of the kids and their enthusiasm.
the day started with dragging myself into the shower and then to the bus stop to be picked up
by the rest of the tp volunteers,
namely lu felix and dee.
gone to get my boots at tp, then made our way to the school.
omg traffic was a killer, i swear the journey nearly made me puke out my empty stomach
so initial meeting time of 715, but our arrival was at 8am.
lucky marli good mood, because got hemsem pe teacher so she chipmunkily smile smile
HEE.
he not hemsem hemsem, but body hemsem.
his adam apple is damn high i swear.
anyway, it was blues vs whites.
unfair mix BTW. haha!
halfway through kids started joining us in the play. DARN CUTE.
i helped louisa, a primary 3 ah girl.
then game time was over. marli went to the crowd of kids,
who WERN'T very much taller then her.
and and and , the towered over her saying "I WANT TO PLAY!" and they were on tiptoes please!
so it was time to say goodbye.
and off to harbour front centre to eat.
freaking funny conversation, but not as funny as dee's favourite song that was playing.
btw, it was felix's day i swear.
firstly, after the game, he came to me and lu, and said,
"that small girl quite pretty ah"
lu darted him by saying, "WAH SMALL GIRL ALSO WANT",
along those lines. LOL.
secondly, dee was looking for a source of an irritating sound.
only to say "FELIX I CAN HEAR U CHEW FROM HERE! "
heh heh.
thirdly, on the way into school, we were looking for our pet spiders,
(just one day we came across a huge web with 1 huge spider on it and another small one)
peter being the big one johnny the smaller (felix would tell u otherwise)
and while walking up the slope without finding our pets,
felix suddenly paused in his steps.
"shit" he said.
timo and i was stunned to what he was talking about.
then he pointed to his toe.
BIRDSHIT! HAHA!
right smack on his toe that kiaps the slipper. wah CANNOT TAHAN!
i even made him a song.
felix is now konwn as the BSB.
BIRDSHIT BOY!
show me the meaning, of having birdshit.
is this the slipper, i need to walk with.
tell me why, i can't be there where you are.
heh heh.
sorry la felix. i just had to.
consider adequate payback for making me carry you zinger meals,
BOTH you and timo.
hehe.
anyway after harbour front we went to meet timo at marina for my shopping.
didnt do much coz i didnt find much.
though i relly like the zara dress, its zipper was spoilt. but i LOVE IT SO! :( :( :(
oh well.
instead i bought undies from topshop (been a long while)
a skirt from warehouse.
total damage didnt even hit $50, so phew.
marketing interview was stupid for me.
i just didnt have the mood to give it well, 60%? HEH.
i just gave like 3 sentences answers at the max.
i cant help but feel that its been repeated too many times that its meaningless.
so eff it.
to training i'll go.
and on the way in the blue bus, things and people around me just suddenly made me realise.
that i dont know if the friends i have now will be friends down the road.
especially since there are early symptoms.
anyway again i was reminded of how trust is of utmost imporance.
and it cuts like a knife. and i won't be afraid to admit,
that it scares the FUCKING SHITTERS OUT OF ME.
not that ive breeched anyones trust,
but im a coward should i find out the mine has been.
on a lighter note, training was swell.
we practiced our SD move, and this training i was able to sort out my doubts regarding the appropriate gaps i'm suppose to be hitting.
note to self, IMPROVE YOUR CHEEBAI HANDS!
*ahem* pardon that. but yes.
NATIONAL TOUCH LEAGUE BEGINS THIS SATURDAY!
yes ah! im excited. and dare i say, more confident?
yes, not only of myself, but for all of US US US :)
through the training, i felt that the move was VERY well executed.
and thinking back, the times where i did it most efficiently was when it was executed with nurl, vie and myself.
just so happened it was us the trio. of it just never got round to other combos during our game.
but yes, sastifaction? definately.
and i daresay that alot of us are efficiently improving in our own ways.
i find that gale does VERY nice inserts, just bummer that sometimes the ball never gets to her.
perhaps playing next to her helped me see that, but i like that i can read her gaps easily.
goal settings after was awesome as well.
this was the first ever best goal settings i felt.
it was common and precisely what we need/want.
in conclusion, this is a good start to something great.
TIP: NEVER peel blisters with your bare hands,
you'd end up with a BEEEEG patch of skin being ripped off, leaving your bare flesh being exposed.
in case you don't know, IT HURTS.
and today.
alarm rang at 630, woke up at 715.
WAH TANKS. i dozed off.
rushed my shower, left my house just slightly before 8
met aimee and off we were to school.
bloody sentosa shuttle (internal and external) was irritatingly hogged by the NAFA people having some sports day or so they say.
who the hell has it IN SENTOSA.
thanks la, disrupt our routine.
so, together with the 1hr-late-for-culinary-class samuel who is going to be cooked by the chef,
we shared a cab in.
samel tells the best life stories,
especially of him sleeping on kitchen floors.
BET YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT! :)
so yes, $6.70 damage, great. *rolls eyes*
deployment week 2.
now THREE people take photo with me.
i manage to persuade 2 china guys to get LOADS of keychains.
they had a bucket full each.
and this couple to buy the merlion mornument, buy 4 get 1 free.
a chopin plate plus 3 of those acrylic plaque thingys.
well, ok la. though i didnt like that i had to peel myself away from one customer just because another one shouted for my attention.
oh well.
btw, the store was flooded today! yes! lol. due to some pipeage thing.
to think that sweeping the floor was something you dont see steph do often,
try picture her sweeping water! HAHA!
darn cute.
then it stopped, now just the many many puddles.
and when i was sweeping up the bit in front of the counter,
this indian uncle insisted he take over.
so OK.
and that was the start of my grammy award winning performance.
thanks to one brave photograper.
walked around aimlessly for a place to have lucnh,
ended up back at school for prison food.
the rest of the day i did redemption.
quite fun. better then last week. i felt more in control, vs the china people shoving cards in my face.
1 or 2 good lookers of the day.
overall today was alright.
though it rudely struck me that somehow, i am a closet introvert.
and yes, this is the first and only time you'd see me saying that.
i realise its hard for me to warm up to people.
so i guess they think that i'm stupid, or dumb for not saying much.
then i thought of someone's msn nick
"don't mistake a quiet man for a fool for he might be thinking more then you"
but i dont like it, that i'm sometimes like that, SO SHY FOR WHAT FUCK.
i'm just, further supressing the me i want people to know me for.
maybe i do deserve the emmy award after all.
we ended at 425 then the usual 4 pm like we did last week.
the rest didnt wait for us, freaking great right.
did urked me, though i guess i sounded unaffected,
like i always try to.
went up to the merlions mouth and head.
from there could see a few of the boys in school changing for their friday soccer. LOL
then we left, went to harbour front with kate, till she dissapeared.
met chai and nic, trained with them .
then it was with aimee all the way to bedok.
my mum bastard me.
she ask me wait for her to pick me from the simei station.
after 20mins, i called her and she say "i'm still on the highway"
wah thanks. i walk home la.
i'm hungry.
and i'm desprate to convert my frown into a smile, that i'm heart phucked.
i dont want to pretend anymore. but its the only things i know how to do.
and i'm just, stuck.
probabely thats the source of my headache.
perhaps right now, i just need to come at terms with the truth
that i might not be, who i thought i was, and can be.
and it'll help, if everyone just live with the me they get,
princess tantrums and mood swings with the ultra sensitivity, cheesy jokes and all.
i dont need much, i just need for you to understand me when the time comes.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
walk the mile
yessss ah
projects are over.
just one more presentation later,
one more marketing interview,
then ITS A HOME RUN
(till the exams that is)
school has been nonsense.
last week was my first week of deployment.
was attached to merlion retail with aimee.
quite fun, the people there are nice
and i didnt know singapore's souveniers are quite cute,
esp the musical merlion lighter. LOL
i did the redemption counter, in which tourists could redem for free gifts.
farid taught me, but i shy. LOL .
picked up after awhile.
then the china people started coming,
goodness i so shy abt my chinese la.
lunched at tas. then back again to the counter!
i swear its my comfort zone behind a counter,
kinda like how i like being the bartender for execution day the previous week.
it was a massive influx of tourists.
esp chinese ones.
then on micheal joined me at the booth
and he gave me 'tips'
on how not speaking chinese helps.
and yes it does, by observing him. LOL
they really dont bother him as much, as in they dont ask to change for another gift
and poke him for attention and what not.
BTW, this micheal guy thought i was indonesian.
when i said eurasian he heard indonesian.
WAH THANKS AH.
so worked till 4. then it was back to tas to rush off the report.
while rushing we were playing with the visualiser in the lab.
placed the ad of the ice cold tiger beer onto the screen.
then me anf felix took turned taking pictures of us drinking it, holding it what not.
sometimes it looks like pee into felix's mouth. HEH.
stupid funness.
after that we headed to seah im for food
before princess felix, timo and myself headed to doughby gaut for shopping!
carrefour to be exact.
about 3hrs spent there! madness la.
we prolly combed through the whole place. every nook and cranny.
but it was nice.
i like departmental stores and supermarkets.
and the feeling that u can plonke anything in the trolley (and let timo push it)
LOL.
rachel joined us halfway.
somehow it was just nice, strolling along side the trolley looking at the massive array of stuffo n the shelf.
what a way to unwind at the end of each day.
i cant wait till i have my own family.
or perhaps living with friends under the same roof would be cool too.
ho hum.
in all, i bought quite rediculous things. heh.
* snow shite dvd
* fantasia dvd
* CINDERELLA dvd!
* robots vcd
* SUDUKO PRO ELECTRONIC!!
* caprisonne juice
yup.
nonetheless quick a cheap steal.
totaling up to $175.60
heh heh
WRONG.
but $41 :)
the most expensive item was the juice, believe it or not.
wlked around abit more, and then we wanted to walk rachel to outside PS so she can meet her friends.
but we ended up sitting at the steps
and to make it more productive, we decided to go get drinks.
1 barcadi breezer which tastes like juice.
then her friends came, audrey and justin
followed by more.
they got beer, we sat and chilled while playing eye spy.
as usual felix went red. (are u surprised)
left just in time to catch the last train.
suddenly i realise the advantage of having a driving lisence.
of going anywhere, anytime with anyone in the comfots of your own vehicle.
and it doesnt make a consulation fact that i DO have a car at my disposal.
stupid.
i should have just not given up at my second time failing.
STUPID.
nvm, next test on the 6th sept.
yes, ill pass.
but im still for my bike lisence.
slides are done on my part.
had to do it twice due to the computer jamming.
oh well.
lately ive been having mind phucks.
and it leaves my heart cold.
i dont feel like the person i once was.
i need strength to face my own demons.
i need to feel the jitters once again.
the jitters of something new and fresh
that would change the rest of my life.
please tell me, who are you.
projects are over.
just one more presentation later,
one more marketing interview,
then ITS A HOME RUN
(till the exams that is)
school has been nonsense.
last week was my first week of deployment.
was attached to merlion retail with aimee.
quite fun, the people there are nice
and i didnt know singapore's souveniers are quite cute,
esp the musical merlion lighter. LOL
i did the redemption counter, in which tourists could redem for free gifts.
farid taught me, but i shy. LOL .
picked up after awhile.
then the china people started coming,
goodness i so shy abt my chinese la.
lunched at tas. then back again to the counter!
i swear its my comfort zone behind a counter,
kinda like how i like being the bartender for execution day the previous week.
it was a massive influx of tourists.
esp chinese ones.
then on micheal joined me at the booth
and he gave me 'tips'
on how not speaking chinese helps.
and yes it does, by observing him. LOL
they really dont bother him as much, as in they dont ask to change for another gift
and poke him for attention and what not.
BTW, this micheal guy thought i was indonesian.
when i said eurasian he heard indonesian.
WAH THANKS AH.
so worked till 4. then it was back to tas to rush off the report.
while rushing we were playing with the visualiser in the lab.
placed the ad of the ice cold tiger beer onto the screen.
then me anf felix took turned taking pictures of us drinking it, holding it what not.
sometimes it looks like pee into felix's mouth. HEH.
stupid funness.
after that we headed to seah im for food
before princess felix, timo and myself headed to doughby gaut for shopping!
carrefour to be exact.
about 3hrs spent there! madness la.
we prolly combed through the whole place. every nook and cranny.
but it was nice.
i like departmental stores and supermarkets.
and the feeling that u can plonke anything in the trolley (and let timo push it)
LOL.
rachel joined us halfway.
somehow it was just nice, strolling along side the trolley looking at the massive array of stuffo n the shelf.
what a way to unwind at the end of each day.
i cant wait till i have my own family.
or perhaps living with friends under the same roof would be cool too.
ho hum.
in all, i bought quite rediculous things. heh.
* snow shite dvd
* fantasia dvd
* CINDERELLA dvd!
* robots vcd
* SUDUKO PRO ELECTRONIC!!
* caprisonne juice
yup.
nonetheless quick a cheap steal.
totaling up to $175.60
heh heh
WRONG.
but $41 :)
the most expensive item was the juice, believe it or not.
wlked around abit more, and then we wanted to walk rachel to outside PS so she can meet her friends.
but we ended up sitting at the steps
and to make it more productive, we decided to go get drinks.
1 barcadi breezer which tastes like juice.
then her friends came, audrey and justin
followed by more.
they got beer, we sat and chilled while playing eye spy.
as usual felix went red. (are u surprised)
left just in time to catch the last train.
suddenly i realise the advantage of having a driving lisence.
of going anywhere, anytime with anyone in the comfots of your own vehicle.
and it doesnt make a consulation fact that i DO have a car at my disposal.
stupid.
i should have just not given up at my second time failing.
STUPID.
nvm, next test on the 6th sept.
yes, ill pass.
but im still for my bike lisence.
slides are done on my part.
had to do it twice due to the computer jamming.
oh well.
lately ive been having mind phucks.
and it leaves my heart cold.
i dont feel like the person i once was.
i need strength to face my own demons.
i need to feel the jitters once again.
the jitters of something new and fresh
that would change the rest of my life.
please tell me, who are you.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
ugly tiredness.
how do u know when u've not been waking up early during the weekends?
when u dont know what's good to watch on television.
POOT .
YMCA touch carnival was swell.
ive grown so close to the girls that it was not so much the same worrying for them,
rather it was pushing them to more then what they're showing.
and every game, each one of them gets better.
finally the diamonds from their mouths have fallen.
and it was a great improvement for these girls who've played like 2 months or so,
to reach the semi-finals.
tough luck there was some hiccups during the game, thus not allowing us to play on.
i couldnt have been more satisfied to this team that we've achieved.
the other team did great. they emerged champions.
YES AH!
we've all come a long way.
be it gold winner or goal winners alike, we are TPIRANHAS :)
then it was to project rushness.
2 projects due at the end of the week
and not to mention execution week.
guess everything didnt turn out TOO badly.
was bartending for RITS on friday for execution.
a few dizzy spells here and there. i dont know why.
none the less, i think i like working with timo.
so far ive never worked as smoothly with anyone ever.
except for that one part where i already compacted the coffee for him to brew.
and he thought it was used cake, so he cleared the spout.
in front of ms daga! LOL!
fking funny la.
lon xin said i look like i dont do housework. WAH THANKS.
just coz i cannot cut kiwi straight. LOL.
after the day's working, i had lots of cuts on my finger tips. poot.
then the cranky steph came.
tiredness + mozzie bites + waiting around for nothing = BITCH.
i actually walked out of the lab when tim and felix were dont know doing what.
i just wanted to go home.
and then. take the above formula + irritatedness = upset bitch with a poorthing phone.
got so fed up i just smashed my phone on the table while eatingg.
appetite was gone, but i knew i had to eat coz i was preparing to hibernate till the next morning.
so i slept on the train.
and then an ugly shot of me.
THANKS AH.
im never gonna make fun of people who sleep on the train ever.
ticked me off just that little bit more, but not enough to make me cry out of frustration.
but its just that there was no understanding at all to really how tired i was,
and i dont know how to explain it to make people around me KNOW HOW REALLY TIRED I AM.
and how my eyes sting every moment i blink.
its just them not empethesizing and not showing concern that makes me sad and mad.
whatever. i just wont return the same sentiments when ur time comes.
*HUGE SMILE*
i dont know what im going to do for today.
but i somehow just feel like sitting here.
and enjoy the breeze while the leaves rustle outside.
its going to be a rainy rainy day.
oh how i miss the rain.
the smell and feel of it.
and the grey clouds that blankets the skies.
i miss being in touch with god.
i miss everything that was once, me.
when u dont know what's good to watch on television.
POOT .
YMCA touch carnival was swell.
ive grown so close to the girls that it was not so much the same worrying for them,
rather it was pushing them to more then what they're showing.
and every game, each one of them gets better.
finally the diamonds from their mouths have fallen.
and it was a great improvement for these girls who've played like 2 months or so,
to reach the semi-finals.
tough luck there was some hiccups during the game, thus not allowing us to play on.
i couldnt have been more satisfied to this team that we've achieved.
the other team did great. they emerged champions.
YES AH!
we've all come a long way.
be it gold winner or goal winners alike, we are TPIRANHAS :)
then it was to project rushness.
2 projects due at the end of the week
and not to mention execution week.
guess everything didnt turn out TOO badly.
was bartending for RITS on friday for execution.
a few dizzy spells here and there. i dont know why.
none the less, i think i like working with timo.
so far ive never worked as smoothly with anyone ever.
except for that one part where i already compacted the coffee for him to brew.
and he thought it was used cake, so he cleared the spout.
in front of ms daga! LOL!
fking funny la.
lon xin said i look like i dont do housework. WAH THANKS.
just coz i cannot cut kiwi straight. LOL.
after the day's working, i had lots of cuts on my finger tips. poot.
then the cranky steph came.
tiredness + mozzie bites + waiting around for nothing = BITCH.
i actually walked out of the lab when tim and felix were dont know doing what.
i just wanted to go home.
and then. take the above formula + irritatedness = upset bitch with a poorthing phone.
got so fed up i just smashed my phone on the table while eatingg.
appetite was gone, but i knew i had to eat coz i was preparing to hibernate till the next morning.
so i slept on the train.
and then an ugly shot of me.
THANKS AH.
im never gonna make fun of people who sleep on the train ever.
ticked me off just that little bit more, but not enough to make me cry out of frustration.
but its just that there was no understanding at all to really how tired i was,
and i dont know how to explain it to make people around me KNOW HOW REALLY TIRED I AM.
and how my eyes sting every moment i blink.
its just them not empethesizing and not showing concern that makes me sad and mad.
whatever. i just wont return the same sentiments when ur time comes.
*HUGE SMILE*
i dont know what im going to do for today.
but i somehow just feel like sitting here.
and enjoy the breeze while the leaves rustle outside.
its going to be a rainy rainy day.
oh how i miss the rain.
the smell and feel of it.
and the grey clouds that blankets the skies.
i miss being in touch with god.
i miss everything that was once, me.
Monday, July 10, 2006
french fries
one night at the 300.
beer, chips, red wine, durian, DIY fondue, bananas, apples, white wine, baileys, tenquila, tv and scrabble.
lu-anne, felix, timo, baldwin, steph and bird.
france and italy.
dinner at 85 was yummy. discovered a better bah chor mee stall on lu's recommendation.
to east point it was to rent dvds, though i have quite abit at home.
harold and kumar, and saw 2.
felix had his own runaway jury.
and on the way to my house, he did a brave brave thing.
(left for us to know :) )
we melted our own chocolate and lu cutted up some apples and bananas.
melting the chocolate was NO EASY FEET.
different ways and methods that all the smart alecs thought of.
timo came. and for awhile there was a non-existent conversation
and non existent rambutans. aiyo.
took all the stuff up in 'eager' anticiation of the match.
lu and myself watched the gresome but goooood movie, saw 2.
still prefer saw 1 better.
felix and timo huddled up in front of my laptop to watch his jury runaway.
after the movie, we chilled, and then scrabbled.
baldwin came soon after, in time to miss the 2 goals by both teams.
my first ever time i got to shout "GOAL" this world cup when zidane did yet another awesome penalty.
anyways, sleepiness kicked in.
so i awoke to ask what time the extra extra time starting,
only to find out from timo that the games over doofus.
ITALY WON.
no.
no
no no.
NO!
ok sleep.
i went to my room to sleep so these 4 bodies will have space.
though i doubt since felix was already plonked comfortable.
the rest were forced to makedo.
casulties of the night
* henry and his bumping of his head! awww :(
* a wine glass
* the chocolate that felix made (which lu threw out)
* felix, lu, timo who lost to the scrabble queen, ME. yahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
* bird who had to go to school the next day
* felix who mummbled a few gibberish in his sleep.
no more french fries for this week. HMMPF
beer, chips, red wine, durian, DIY fondue, bananas, apples, white wine, baileys, tenquila, tv and scrabble.
lu-anne, felix, timo, baldwin, steph and bird.
france and italy.
dinner at 85 was yummy. discovered a better bah chor mee stall on lu's recommendation.
to east point it was to rent dvds, though i have quite abit at home.
harold and kumar, and saw 2.
felix had his own runaway jury.
and on the way to my house, he did a brave brave thing.
(left for us to know :) )
we melted our own chocolate and lu cutted up some apples and bananas.
melting the chocolate was NO EASY FEET.
different ways and methods that all the smart alecs thought of.
timo came. and for awhile there was a non-existent conversation
and non existent rambutans. aiyo.
took all the stuff up in 'eager' anticiation of the match.
lu and myself watched the gresome but goooood movie, saw 2.
still prefer saw 1 better.
felix and timo huddled up in front of my laptop to watch his jury runaway.
after the movie, we chilled, and then scrabbled.
baldwin came soon after, in time to miss the 2 goals by both teams.
my first ever time i got to shout "GOAL" this world cup when zidane did yet another awesome penalty.
anyways, sleepiness kicked in.
so i awoke to ask what time the extra extra time starting,
only to find out from timo that the games over doofus.
ITALY WON.
no.
no
no no.
NO!
ok sleep.
i went to my room to sleep so these 4 bodies will have space.
though i doubt since felix was already plonked comfortable.
the rest were forced to makedo.
casulties of the night
* henry and his bumping of his head! awww :(
* a wine glass
* the chocolate that felix made (which lu threw out)
* felix, lu, timo who lost to the scrabble queen, ME. yahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
* bird who had to go to school the next day
* felix who mummbled a few gibberish in his sleep.
no more french fries for this week. HMMPF
Friday, July 07, 2006
i dont have the heart.
and so i didn't go to school today.
i just didn't want to since my heart wasnt there.
moreso its service class where you have to smile all the time.
and who can smile without a heart? i know i can't.
so i am technically right saying i'm not feeling well.
then again, only tim kinda got it.
i like hanging out with him.
and princess felix, and haha.
they make me feel care-less and free.
to the doctor's later, for excuses to get an mc.
might check my leg out, but really, whats the most he could do.
maybe to plaza sing to get my cinderella vcd and other mickey mouse ones?
carrefour is truely the ultimate departmental store,
with all the vintage mickey episodes. I LOVE.
and it had piles of alice in wonderland vcds.
to think it took me so long to hunt for, when there was a mount everast of it there.
but lu bought me one some time back, (yays)
it really makes me happy.
i might even buy myself a canvas and go mad with my balck and white paints.
that's if dad's given me my allowance.
but i feel like staying home today.
just.
so i dont see the sun.
i feel claustraphobic and i need comfort.
the best option ive got is this house.
i can't wait for jazz by the beach tmr.
i want to just sip on my wine or beer
and be lost by the seranade of the beach.
hopefully i can drown this omen for good.
i just didn't want to since my heart wasnt there.
moreso its service class where you have to smile all the time.
and who can smile without a heart? i know i can't.
so i am technically right saying i'm not feeling well.
then again, only tim kinda got it.
i like hanging out with him.
and princess felix, and haha.
they make me feel care-less and free.
to the doctor's later, for excuses to get an mc.
might check my leg out, but really, whats the most he could do.
maybe to plaza sing to get my cinderella vcd and other mickey mouse ones?
carrefour is truely the ultimate departmental store,
with all the vintage mickey episodes. I LOVE.
and it had piles of alice in wonderland vcds.
to think it took me so long to hunt for, when there was a mount everast of it there.
but lu bought me one some time back, (yays)
it really makes me happy.
i might even buy myself a canvas and go mad with my balck and white paints.
that's if dad's given me my allowance.
but i feel like staying home today.
just.
so i dont see the sun.
i feel claustraphobic and i need comfort.
the best option ive got is this house.
i can't wait for jazz by the beach tmr.
i want to just sip on my wine or beer
and be lost by the seranade of the beach.
hopefully i can drown this omen for good.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
emotional connection
i know what i want and need and look for.
emotional connection.
just being able to be read form the inside out,
without me having to drop the diamonds from my mouth
and stressing my bird brain out.
read me like a book.
and i'll know, you're mine.
emotional connection.
just being able to be read form the inside out,
without me having to drop the diamonds from my mouth
and stressing my bird brain out.
read me like a book.
and i'll know, you're mine.
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