making plans

a wise man once said
"if you fail to plan, you plan to fail",
but that wise man never continued to explain,
what if that plan fails, what then?
why plan?

my plans never seem to pan out,
it often led me down different roads,
and having too much assumptions, faith and hope.
that ultimatey leads to a path of disappointments.

im a goal oriented person, naturally i make plans
based on logical current situations.
and situations change.
back at to the drawing board at square 1 i draw new contingency plans.
so how do i learn to live a day at a time.

10 years ago, i DEFINATELY didnt plan on being where i am now.
i was suppose to be sucessful even at a young age.
i never even thought id be in university.
i had so many people believe in me that made me believe in myself even more.
but life took a different path for me.
decisions i sometimes cannot comprehend.

but ive made new friends and saw myself having less good friends.
coming back 2 weeks ago you just know,
who makes the time and effort to be happy that you're back,
and catch up with you and tell lies that 'no, youre not THAT fat'.

those that remember you dont eat wasabi with your sushi so gets
seperate soy sauce dishes.
those who stay up all night lying in the dark talking about how it was like
when we were young, and laugh till the sun rises.
those who you dont see or talk to as often as you should,
but theres a silent comfort that you've known that person for so much of your life
and life to come that you're part of this big circle.
those who've popped up at intervals of your life and seen you at your many stages.
those, who've been there long long time.

just in the span of 2 weeks, i got to spend birthdays with important people in my life.
my best friend lu-anne, and the twice in a week international buffet
at fairmont hotel till my stomach was pressing my lungs.
oysters and prawns will prolly be soon in extinction. but YUM.

my good friend alyssa, whom i known since pri1.
she holds a special place in my memory and heart. shes prolly the only
person outside of my family thats seen the phases of my hairstyles, LOL!
got to see and hangout with my dear rachel as well,
i wished the clock stops when im with you the IPHONE HOGGER!!

my good friend naomi, though i havnt seen her in a long while,
my dive buddy still laughs at my cheesy texts msgs, and i miss you the most.

my dear sister tiffany, whos birthday is this sunday.
i love you best my girl. ok, maybe u have to fight that position out
with bird. she does after all spend more nights pigging out with me over
movies. but near or far, when it comes to you, i know you're always there
and i hope you remember its the same for you, and more.

i got to see and club with a few of my favourite touch girls from TP,
shimo, ruby and lu. was sad to miss haha who went to bangkok,
azlina, supi and dee, i miss you too! hopefully a kumar night before i leave.

and all this, i never planned. it just happened.
and its what i wanted and more.
so underneath it all, can someone just shoot that wise man.
his theory didnt really work for me :)
plans are hopeful routes you draw out and hope that itll pay off,
hopes come with disappointments.


well, until i feel otherwise.
eyes only lock in chick flicks and not in the real world.
i know, because nothing lasts forever.
so why plan to.

as long as i know where the people i love are,
thats where i know my heart and hopes lie,
and that's where i plan to keep it.
i feel comfort in playing it safe.

beauty in the breakdown.

hello goodbye

and im holding on to the last ounce of hope and faith
that 'things' come with patience.
people always leave, ive had enough of goodbyes.
i'm never good with it.

im never good being on my own.
im just missing the part where i have that someone else,
who brings out the best in me, carefreely.
or maybe i just have to learn to do that for myself on my own.

in time.
i'll just wait to be found whilst drowning
in let downs and disappointments.
deeper and deeper as i lose sight of who i am
and where i want to be.

i'll be better, at waiting.
this game is not as fun anymore.
where somethings so simple are so simply overlooked.
im getting used to the cringing pain in this beating thing within my chest
that i'm quite liking it.

there's something out there, i can feel it
but i can't see the tracks in this darkness.
can someone hand me the torch light and hold my hand?
but for now, for tonight, after my bedside prayer
i'll fall asleep curled up like a child with a pillow behind my back;

hopeful.