people are ugly

suddenly i don't feel well,
and i need to puke out my heart.


if its too much to act ur age,
then at least act like how a human would,
by being considerate to other people's feelings.
i can't help but feel at a loss,
and also that people are ugly.
malicious.

if i could foresee this coming one day,
i would have backed off a long time ago.
i should have maybe ignored my want of a little happiness.
stop trying to initiate things that maybe i shouldnt have tempered with.
maybe i should be contented with the current glimpse of happiness,
but so what when i just come home to a heavy heart after "hearing" what's going on.
this was exactly, what i didnt want.
and this has only been day1.

i don't care as much if i'm seen as the bad guy,
i can't deny the overwhelme guilt i feel with each mere thought.
and there's no point despising what is going on behind closed doors,
things that i'm aware and unaware of
because at the root of everything, it started with me.

could i ever hate myself more?


lucky tmr i'm going clubbing.
hopefully i'd pass out again,
at least i won't remember.
just as long as it doesnt catch up with me.