i told you so.

apparently i'm getting quite good at pretence.

today was totally off.
perhaps a prelude of what i knew was to come.
yes, there are the cream of the crop.
what gets me most is how i dont konw what i'm doing wrong,
or right.
and if i were to say i'm not alright,
so fucking what?
i must say a great thanks to ifa for helping me with the switches,
even it might be a small thing for her, helping me with passes and all,
it meant a whole shit load.
considering noone's gotten the time to even notice how hard i'm trying to be uninvisible.
yes.
uninvisible.
how hard i'm trying in every way i can, to just try .
and since its over, i might as well, pour a little
other then the usual keep to myself crap,
heck i have nothing to lose.
i dont mind taking the shitty job that no one wants
i dont really want to either coz its no way i can prove anything.
i dont mind taking the wing, u guys play all u want.
but perhaps it is not i who handicapped the team to 5 players.
i am there, if you'd see or hear.
always pulling the wing defender.
but i'd confess, that being invisible for the longest time,
gave me no fucking thing to fight for.
and dare i say, i've lost my passion.
for the team .
and slowly, for the game .

laugh at me
when i say this team and game was the best thing that ever happen to me.
ive met wonderful people, and expanded the circle.
and nothing's greater then the feeling of having pride in something.
and how just being there for a teamate is sastifaction.
now i have to write it off as past tense.
i must have done something wrong, somewhere along the way,
so i'm my own fool for where i've landed.
cheers to my now.
word of the day: resignation.
actually its a one week old word.
or perhaps longer, without me conciously knowing.
once bitten, twice shy.
and i'd have you know,
that i'm not as strong as i can seem .
how do you know i'm not alright?
whenever my msn display pic is a clownfish.
wah, i used to be a clown.
miss blooper queen.
whos gone missing halfway coz i just, lost myself.
lost my heart to be freee.

i'd scream for comfort,
but even off the field i'm unheard.
i'm sorry, i'm not that strong anymore.
now it just depends on forfillment of responsibility,
to weather or not i prolong the inevitable.

its nothing in it for me,
nothing.
and like i always do,
i'll walk away.
and find something else that i can be good at.



now, i'll just blast the music,
and paint