end sem

the 25th marked my 4th month here,
today marks the end of my semester for me.
upon opening the exam booklet i just wanted
to scream, dance, jiggle and skidadles.
becuase ive come thus far
(did help that i could answer most of it!)

how time flies.
it was just yesterday that i was unpacking my stuff,
settling in to a not so comfortable small excuse of a bed,
to now picking up my clothes, shoes, books and bags all over my floor.
everything just went by faster then i could even make sense of it.
but i survived. so did we all.

coming to an end also marks the reminanicing of friendships forged,
orientations, the birthdays, good days, bad days, sad days, mad days.

drunken nights out before madness of assignments and exams started.
and how we just saw each other through in good times and bad,
anger, sorrow and lonliness.

goodbyes are due for bastian who's leaving to his motherland.
where they have dalmatinos (dalmations)
and tiger woods evidentally means jungle in pictionary.

not to mention the occasional weekend visits to the cousin's or relatives,

which was my escape from the brink of insanity.

getting hugs from little kiddies who make you pretend to be an elephant

to scare off the lions while they hide in the cave/truck hood cover thing.

i'm going to enjoy the rest of my time, relaxing and reflecting.
before anything rash or impulsive strikes me.
and most importantly,
i'm going to live (high and mighty).

because the exams are over and my weekend is officially here!!
(till the next semester!!!)
kicking it off with a bbq with the housematies
before my week of none stop (party) hits.
booyashaka!

snippets of life.

i honestly think you can never measure a mother's love,
unless you're either mother or child,
or maybe even a mother yourself.

but i stumbled upon this blog (thanks charlene)
and was just intriged by this woman's life. and i came to this entry.

and i quote
'In you, I’ve discovered a child’s love that is so tender, so sensitive, so sweet and so whole-heartedly absolute. When you say you love me, I don’t have to search deep in your eyes to see if you mean it, because it’s splashed across your face – you really do love me.'
Karen Cheng's Snippets of Life, 2008

and you can see it all, through the turmoil she's been through,
the warmth she feels from her son who makes her a better person
and makes her apprecite life more, almost as if bouncing out of bed each day.
i think i can only imagine being that lucky to come even close. swear.
and to realise these miracle, yet alone live it, is truly a blessing.

i use to think bloggers (especially those famed ones) write
attention seeking, rants and vents and a miniture gossip column
with bad english and lifestyles of the current generation.
i know i've been guilty of these kinda entries once in awhile.

how shallow i am sometimes.
how shallow we all can be.

she's really changed my opinion
(and gave blogger hope! HA)
i truly think she's an amazing human being in every sense of the word.
and i'm a new avid reader of her blog.

ho<3me

how to you go back to a place you call home,
when it doesnt stand for what it means,
or was anymore.

not because everyone's grown older,
but more seemingly so, grown out of each other
in ways i can never comprehend;
how it happened, and why.
and what's next and what will be left.

i thought the aftermath has gone, clearly mistaken.
the repurcussions seem worse
just when i thought we were going good.

for now, i'll just try and hold on
to those that still keep the walls of home standing.
i feel so selfish, wanting what i want.
when deep down all i wanted was to make you proud,
and happily carefree, someday for a long long time.
so mum, i'm coming home.
and we'll weather it through together.

hold your own, and everything will be just fine, in time.
i just wished, as always, i had answers for everything to make sense.
and to still make me believe in things that makes ur heart tingle.
and i just want to scream and know
that you will hear my pent up emotions for once.

fattening goose.

christmas is coming, and it doesnt feel like it! :(
i remember this time last year whilst suffering at internship,
we were so happy and merry whistling in our intern 'fishbowl' corner
to christmas tunes.
id half blame it on the exams, or just the absence of everything, christmas

i want a christmas tree!
so it'll start looking
and feeling like christmas.
hanging balls and ornaments and light.
then kick back, lay on the living room floor
just watching the lights dance over baileys and jazz.

i want a christmas tree!
so i can put presents under, and secretly hunt for mine,
and smile myself to sleep thinking whats in it.
still wishful for the day i find a puppy in one of boxes with my name on it.
a puppy, with the red ribbon.

i want a christmas tree!
because i know i won't be the only one around it.
with christmas socks dangling, too small for my presents (i hope!)
and the snuggling at the foot of it over hot chocolate,
or irish it, plus marshmellows.

most of all, i want a christmas tree,
to remind me to be hopeful and happy.
and think of home thats in my heart;
and all the warmth.

do they know its christmas time at all?

exam-oh

so the exams are here.
been finishing up the last few chapters of revision the whole day
along with writing my cheat sheet that i've forgot to eat.
so yes. at 9.30(perth time) i had my breakfast lunch and dinner.
cream pasta with shrimp, YUM.

exams kick off tmr.
starting off with bullcrap data stats and ANALysis tmr evening.
then its off to a viewing in freo and some shopping after.
and back to more studying as i catch up for chemistry,
and MUG for enviro science.

and i'm still lost.
should i go or stay?
and persue something else, somewhere.
le cordon bleu, i shouldve gone with u in the first place.
or i should have just never embarked on a misadventure.

ho hum. exams end on the 27th.
thank god i dont have work (this week)
if all goes well, i'd prolly be moving out of here by the 1st.
not till STEROSONIC on the 30th YO YO YO!
i'm supposedly due back on the 5th,
but theres so many things to do here before i leave.
like catch up with the relatives, busk in the summer sun,
go on a fishing trip, sip wine in the valley and marggie river.
and do some christmas shopping.
ornaments and deco here is NOTHING like those in singapore.
swear. sumpah.

not to mention yvette and darren will be back!
so prolly ill push my flight later, *fingers crossed*
but i dont want to miss christmas at home.
nor not have time to buy presents and wrap it THERE,
coz no way in hell im buying gifts here and bringing it back,
(theres no space in my bursting luggage)

so i'm all set, ALMOST.
for tomorrow's paper. with my ALLOWED cheat shet
cramped with my oh so pretty handwritting.
its an exam after so long. im not nervous yet, hmmm..?
hopefully itll go as well as im feeling.

tho i feel, a storm's coming.
i hear it.

whatright'sleft

talk about mindphucks.
i really wonder, what people think gives them the right..

to implicate other people in their problems
in which they just can't control and make sense of,
neglecting the position and implications imposed onto people involed.
that's selfish.

to chose someone, just because you're not happy,
or that you think it's the better of the two.
not knowing how much the relationship is already estranged as it is,
not caring how much worse you'll make it for everyone when truth be told.
she's blood, i may realise but she won't.
i didnt ask for this and i dont want to hear it.
that's fcukin selfish.

to do nothing instead of something you should be,
when i could have been somewhere else i needed to be,
not bothered at how i struggled which crosswords were more entertaining,
don't take advantage of me, you and all of you.
thats only so much i can take and will stretch.
that's selfish.

i guess we all forget sometimes, how people get selfish.
and that we may laugh and smile,
but the eyes never lie.
dont overlook how i am capable of being hurt, more easily then others sometimes.
and dont overlook how i too am human,
equally capable of hate.

tho i never wanted any of this, this way.
are you saying, you're better then me?
so really, what gives any of you the bloody right,
to put someone else in a position they dont deserve,
when they can be so much better.

left orright?

and the thing about me, ive realised;
is i look so much at how things will be at the end,
before even letting it begin.
there should be a manual, especially for me.

tnereffid eb gnidne siht tel esaelp esaelp esaelp

optimism

steph's all better now.
almost.
HO HUM.
the sun's shining. so am i.
exams are coming. boo.

decisions to make - stay or go during the summer?
earlier or later? hmmm
not good indecisive one.
and im considering buying an inflatable pool? HAHA.

friday night out was awesome.
what i really needed after a long staying dark cloud.
there's better be more better days like this to come.
i will update fully (an on backlogged entries)
when i have more time and more energy! :S
too drained from work. :(

because its harder to fall, when you're optimistic.