blessed

stephanie is blessed.
to have so many people who touch my life, in many little ways.

lulu
your understanding of my thoughts and feelings even from another continent astounds me, how we pull each other through on the same boat and brave the storm together. no one knows and understands me like you do, nor makes me laugh till its too hot to handle. i love you bestie. ps, you're not average.


rachel merrie chong chong
for being that listening ear when i least expect it. i miss you darl, and i can't wait to be back, drinkin whisky out of the bottle, not thinking about tomorrow! (and then drawing tic tac toe on your back)


charlene
for being the one and only person who cares so much, enough to want to sit and watch me cry my heart out. usually i cry alone because i'm proud like that but it actually felt darn good. no thanks can never be enough my awesome possem friend.


daniel osgodby
me guy bestie, you ze best. even though we don't speak as often as we do or should, i always know you got my back like i got yours. and when my world turns to grey, i know you will still somehow fart out a rainbow, if not a absinth shot. to my quiz night buddy who can drink shots after shots after shots and still survive to stagger to mcdonalds and catch the cab after 6am surcharge, cheers to that buddy and i call for another boatrace so i can beat more guys.


my john butler pascal
for putting the rythm back into my life in your simple hippie ways; spontaneous dancing and singing into torch lights, cooking awesome dinners which you catch especially crusty the crayfish, fellow waste of couch space over foreign films (to me at least) and for sitting through the WHOLE day of mixed touch. who knew tasteless rice bubbles without milk (pronounced mee-ilk) was so much fun popping and tossing and yum on nuttela on bread. ps, i still love milo better.


ine and anand
for the cold hard slaps of truth from prospectives ive never considered. the sense and truth that i've so stubbornly ignored or blind to see. like a rainbow after a storm, it was easier feeling unalone.

yaz
for taking charlene and i fishing. its bloody thereputhic, move over shopping theraphy. and for your kind compliments, you're my pillar of assurance.

my housemates; hani, morgan, paul, hans
for being the familiar faces i come home to everyday, like home away from home. who put up with my sulky self on my off days, when i'm just a waste of space on the couch over wii or movies after movies, leave me alone at scary movies late at night in the dark, watch me slice my thumb while making mojitoes/fingers and being cool about it, keeps my 6 o'clock simpsons spot on the couch for me. mexican night soon will be a blast.

skype!
for letting me connect with my family back home, seeing the face to the voice and my morning glory! :) i miss everyone, the safe santuary home is and its warmth admidst the crazy squeeling whining and laughter in the house of girls. am counting down the days till i'm back.


family
those that i see here once in awhile for catch ups over lunch, coffee or beer. its my escape whe the world gets hella crazy. vettie b, talking wogs and hogs over cheesy wedges, beer, wine, frengeliko as we hopped from como to windsor to burswood, made me feel hella better and normal.

kevin
you keep it real for me, dawg.

alyssa ann de souza
for just being along part of my life with cherishable memories as we grew up, studied together, played together, worked together, laughed and partied together. not many people can say 'i know her since i was 7', and its been hawsome.


hafizah hamzah
i miss your peaches, skinny ass. i can't wait to catch up with you when i'm back! gossip and updates. i miss you and our bus 23 trips.



when i'm down, i always come to think in my wandering silence.
how did i ever leave everyone i love behind?
then i've realised, i've been lucky to love.
and be loved.

to those that i've not mentioned, seen or heard from (and vice versa),
you're not forgotten.
and i'm certain our paths will cross one way or another.
because i'm truly blessed.
to have met so many beautiful souls in this lifetime.

and underneath it all,
i'm a happy contented girl just knowing this feeling.
that i'm blessed. <3

gone fishing too

lovely day out, to get some air and relax.
reeling in thoughts and casting out emotions.
our first spot under the bridge was nice.
cold, but nice to just stop, lay back and watch clouds above float by;
the sweet smell of carefree in this cruel world.






caught 4 fishies!! but they damn blowies :(

but somtimes, it always comes down to your signs.

on how i try to go away like you want,
when everything around just reminds me of you.

being lost in a moment, almost like being

half naked on a scooter up this long winding road.
and if this is the big man's idea of a joke,
it sure as hell is funny.

its a snigger, a 5 second lapse; the standstill.
followed by a baby sigh,
before you continue trekking forward,
trying not to trip like a clumsy bum.

we rocked up to this black____ place

where people go cliff jumping.

spectaculor.

maybe somewhere in the universe,

someone understands how it is like,

by being in your moment, or is in that same moment.

almost like a syncronised heartbeat and

reason behind a decietful smile and truthful eyes.

because when life is short, cruel and unpredictable,

you indulge desperately in evert sweet pleasure that comes along.

maybe, i'm just a dreamer.

the final letter, j.

its heartwrenching.
to feel like that secret that never existed.
thrown out and forgotten like yesterdays trash.
ive been brought on a ride, it was only good for you.
it was never me to begin with, was it.

i was the inbetweener, the rebound.
why couldnt you be proud of me?
because i wasnt good enough?
why are you so indifferent?
i was just the rebound.

and it hurts even more at how fast you want me to move on,
because you found another option to move on with.
i hope you're happy that you've crush the thread of hope i hang on to,
that belief that this world has a place for love and compassion.

i'm still that girl who pulls your shirt up from the back of the scooter,
who laughs at youur orchestra of farts, who lazes in bed with icypoles while watching tele,
who puts up with ur long phone calls when we're out together,
who watches you get pissed on 2 glasses of wine then take care of you at night,
who tells you which shoes to wear because quite frankly, your first choices doesnt match,
who says she won't kiss you till you shave but still do anyways,
who waits to have dinner with you, who wakes up early when you go to work.
i'm still that girl you sat with on the bench by the river as black swans swam past.

and when your ideal chick comes along, you don't hesitate to tell me 'move on'.
so i dont know how less a hurt to feel, that i couldn't make you stay.
that you're already intimate with someone else.
that my fear of being replaced, has happened.
that everytime the door outside my window slams,
i listen for that knock on my front door,
and now know why, that day will never come again.

i waited, and you pushed me away from behind the wall you hide behind in your heart.
i ran, and you watched me go as you took steps back into your life.
like i never happened.
you've killed me and all that i feel in that organ beating in my chest.
and i know, you've actually made your mind up,
right from the very start.

and one day, i'll find that hope once again.
if not with you, with someone else.
and i'll hang on to it.
i have too much love in my heart, to waste it on tears.

love,
the last of me.

lovelockdown

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
What I had to do, had to run from you
I'm in love with you but the vibe is wrong
And that haunted me all the way home

So you never know, never never know
Never know enough, 'til it's over, love'
Til we lose control, system overload
Screamin', "No, no, no, n-no!?

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
See I wanna move but can't escape from you
So I keep it low, keep a secret code
So everybody else don't have to know

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
I can't keep my cool, so I keep it true
I got somethin' to lose, so I gotta move
I can't keep myself and still keep you too

So I keep in mind when I'm on my own
Somewhere far from home, in the danger zone
How many times did I tell ya for it finally got through?
You lose, you lose

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
See I had to go, see I had to move
No more wastin' time, you can't wait for life
We're just racin? time, where's the finish line?

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
I bet no one knew, I got no one new
Know I said I'm through, but got love for you
But I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to

Gotta keep it goin', keep the lovin' goin'
Keep it on a roll, only God knows
If I be with you, baby I'm confused
You choose, you choose

I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to
Where I wanna go, I don't need you
I've been down this road, too many times before
I'm not lovin' you the way I wanted to

So keep your love locked down, your love locked down
Keepin' your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, your love locked down
I keep your love locked down, you lose

-Kayne West - Love Lockdown <3