the final letter, j.

its heartwrenching.
to feel like that secret that never existed.
thrown out and forgotten like yesterdays trash.
ive been brought on a ride, it was only good for you.
it was never me to begin with, was it.

i was the inbetweener, the rebound.
why couldnt you be proud of me?
because i wasnt good enough?
why are you so indifferent?
i was just the rebound.

and it hurts even more at how fast you want me to move on,
because you found another option to move on with.
i hope you're happy that you've crush the thread of hope i hang on to,
that belief that this world has a place for love and compassion.

i'm still that girl who pulls your shirt up from the back of the scooter,
who laughs at youur orchestra of farts, who lazes in bed with icypoles while watching tele,
who puts up with ur long phone calls when we're out together,
who watches you get pissed on 2 glasses of wine then take care of you at night,
who tells you which shoes to wear because quite frankly, your first choices doesnt match,
who says she won't kiss you till you shave but still do anyways,
who waits to have dinner with you, who wakes up early when you go to work.
i'm still that girl you sat with on the bench by the river as black swans swam past.

and when your ideal chick comes along, you don't hesitate to tell me 'move on'.
so i dont know how less a hurt to feel, that i couldn't make you stay.
that you're already intimate with someone else.
that my fear of being replaced, has happened.
that everytime the door outside my window slams,
i listen for that knock on my front door,
and now know why, that day will never come again.

i waited, and you pushed me away from behind the wall you hide behind in your heart.
i ran, and you watched me go as you took steps back into your life.
like i never happened.
you've killed me and all that i feel in that organ beating in my chest.
and i know, you've actually made your mind up,
right from the very start.

and one day, i'll find that hope once again.
if not with you, with someone else.
and i'll hang on to it.
i have too much love in my heart, to waste it on tears.

love,
the last of me.