ugly tiredness.

how do u know when u've not been waking up early during the weekends?
when u dont know what's good to watch on television.
POOT .

YMCA touch carnival was swell.
ive grown so close to the girls that it was not so much the same worrying for them,
rather it was pushing them to more then what they're showing.
and every game, each one of them gets better.
finally the diamonds from their mouths have fallen.
and it was a great improvement for these girls who've played like 2 months or so,
to reach the semi-finals.
tough luck there was some hiccups during the game, thus not allowing us to play on.
i couldnt have been more satisfied to this team that we've achieved.
the other team did great. they emerged champions.
YES AH!
we've all come a long way.
be it gold winner or goal winners alike, we are TPIRANHAS :)

then it was to project rushness.
2 projects due at the end of the week
and not to mention execution week.
guess everything didnt turn out TOO badly.
was bartending for RITS on friday for execution.
a few dizzy spells here and there. i dont know why.
none the less, i think i like working with timo.
so far ive never worked as smoothly with anyone ever.
except for that one part where i already compacted the coffee for him to brew.
and he thought it was used cake, so he cleared the spout.
in front of ms daga! LOL!
fking funny la.
lon xin said i look like i dont do housework. WAH THANKS.
just coz i cannot cut kiwi straight. LOL.
after the day's working, i had lots of cuts on my finger tips. poot.
then the cranky steph came.
tiredness + mozzie bites + waiting around for nothing = BITCH.
i actually walked out of the lab when tim and felix were dont know doing what.
i just wanted to go home.
and then. take the above formula + irritatedness = upset bitch with a poorthing phone.
got so fed up i just smashed my phone on the table while eatingg.
appetite was gone, but i knew i had to eat coz i was preparing to hibernate till the next morning.
so i slept on the train.
and then an ugly shot of me.
THANKS AH.
im never gonna make fun of people who sleep on the train ever.
ticked me off just that little bit more, but not enough to make me cry out of frustration.
but its just that there was no understanding at all to really how tired i was,
and i dont know how to explain it to make people around me KNOW HOW REALLY TIRED I AM.
and how my eyes sting every moment i blink.
its just them not empethesizing and not showing concern that makes me sad and mad.
whatever. i just wont return the same sentiments when ur time comes.
*HUGE SMILE*

i dont know what im going to do for today.
but i somehow just feel like sitting here.
and enjoy the breeze while the leaves rustle outside.
its going to be a rainy rainy day.
oh how i miss the rain.
the smell and feel of it.
and the grey clouds that blankets the skies.
i miss being in touch with god.
i miss everything that was once, me.

french fries

one night at the 300.

beer, chips, red wine, durian, DIY fondue, bananas, apples, white wine, baileys, tenquila, tv and scrabble.
lu-anne, felix, timo, baldwin, steph and bird.
france and italy.

dinner at 85 was yummy. discovered a better bah chor mee stall on lu's recommendation.
to east point it was to rent dvds, though i have quite abit at home.
harold and kumar, and saw 2.
felix had his own runaway jury.
and on the way to my house, he did a brave brave thing.
(left for us to know :) )
we melted our own chocolate and lu cutted up some apples and bananas.
melting the chocolate was NO EASY FEET.
different ways and methods that all the smart alecs thought of.
timo came. and for awhile there was a non-existent conversation
and non existent rambutans. aiyo.
took all the stuff up in 'eager' anticiation of the match.

lu and myself watched the gresome but goooood movie, saw 2.
still prefer saw 1 better.
felix and timo huddled up in front of my laptop to watch his jury runaway.
after the movie, we chilled, and then scrabbled.
baldwin came soon after, in time to miss the 2 goals by both teams.
my first ever time i got to shout "GOAL" this world cup when zidane did yet another awesome penalty.
anyways, sleepiness kicked in.
so i awoke to ask what time the extra extra time starting,
only to find out from timo that the games over doofus.
ITALY WON.
no.
no
no no.
NO!
ok sleep.
i went to my room to sleep so these 4 bodies will have space.
though i doubt since felix was already plonked comfortable.
the rest were forced to makedo.

casulties of the night
* henry and his bumping of his head! awww :(
* a wine glass
* the chocolate that felix made (which lu threw out)
* felix, lu, timo who lost to the scrabble queen, ME. yahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa
* bird who had to go to school the next day
* felix who mummbled a few gibberish in his sleep.



no more french fries for this week. HMMPF

i dont have the heart.

and so i didn't go to school today.
i just didn't want to since my heart wasnt there.
moreso its service class where you have to smile all the time.
and who can smile without a heart? i know i can't.

so i am technically right saying i'm not feeling well.
then again, only tim kinda got it.
i like hanging out with him.
and princess felix, and haha.
they make me feel care-less and free.

to the doctor's later, for excuses to get an mc.
might check my leg out, but really, whats the most he could do.
maybe to plaza sing to get my cinderella vcd and other mickey mouse ones?
carrefour is truely the ultimate departmental store,
with all the vintage mickey episodes. I LOVE.
and it had piles of alice in wonderland vcds.
to think it took me so long to hunt for, when there was a mount everast of it there.
but lu bought me one some time back, (yays)
it really makes me happy.
i might even buy myself a canvas and go mad with my balck and white paints.
that's if dad's given me my allowance.

but i feel like staying home today.
just.
so i dont see the sun.
i feel claustraphobic and i need comfort.
the best option ive got is this house.

i can't wait for jazz by the beach tmr.
i want to just sip on my wine or beer
and be lost by the seranade of the beach.
hopefully i can drown this omen for good.

emotional connection

i know what i want and need and look for.
emotional connection.
just being able to be read form the inside out,
without me having to drop the diamonds from my mouth
and stressing my bird brain out.

read me like a book.
and i'll know, you're mine.

lately.

i knew my life's high would run out.
so much for the build up of great events that led up to today.
and funny how i only have time to blog abt not so happy stuff nowadays.

just to be fair, let me credit that today began swell.
lunch was good. class was entertaining with our discussion on pets and worms.
training was not as productive as others we've had.
and i felt, redundant.
true enough, it was picked up.
so my today's performance was rubbish dump bad.
how silly of me to think it was only today.

somehow i thought that i was on track, only to realise today after my talk with ifa that i've been stagnant for quite some time.
perhaps i've not realised, or perhaps its that no one's told me to make me not realise.
or perhaps i've been too optimistic or set on building my confidence.
i dont know, but its certainly not crossed my mind.
maybe he was right, i do live in my own 'delutional world',
but then again, that was a long time ago and it was said by the devil himself.

and its weird the people who i chose to turn to.
and its funny how when someone said "what's wrong with you"
or another one said "you're unpredictable"
made me stop thinking and reflecting.

anyhoos. thanks shimona.
for being the only person who affirms me.
it means so so much, and i do so so much appreciate it,
and love you so for having me in your thoughts.

and i'd like to say, i take up the challenge.
of a chance that i've never seen coming.
not for me, but for us.
the new us.
quite frankly, i'm excited to see the outcome.
i might even shock myself.

bye bye today. hello tomorrow.
it's going to be a better day, i hope.
lately ive been having the strangest feeling.