lately.

i knew my life's high would run out.
so much for the build up of great events that led up to today.
and funny how i only have time to blog abt not so happy stuff nowadays.

just to be fair, let me credit that today began swell.
lunch was good. class was entertaining with our discussion on pets and worms.
training was not as productive as others we've had.
and i felt, redundant.
true enough, it was picked up.
so my today's performance was rubbish dump bad.
how silly of me to think it was only today.

somehow i thought that i was on track, only to realise today after my talk with ifa that i've been stagnant for quite some time.
perhaps i've not realised, or perhaps its that no one's told me to make me not realise.
or perhaps i've been too optimistic or set on building my confidence.
i dont know, but its certainly not crossed my mind.
maybe he was right, i do live in my own 'delutional world',
but then again, that was a long time ago and it was said by the devil himself.

and its weird the people who i chose to turn to.
and its funny how when someone said "what's wrong with you"
or another one said "you're unpredictable"
made me stop thinking and reflecting.

anyhoos. thanks shimona.
for being the only person who affirms me.
it means so so much, and i do so so much appreciate it,
and love you so for having me in your thoughts.

and i'd like to say, i take up the challenge.
of a chance that i've never seen coming.
not for me, but for us.
the new us.
quite frankly, i'm excited to see the outcome.
i might even shock myself.

bye bye today. hello tomorrow.
it's going to be a better day, i hope.
lately ive been having the strangest feeling.