holla 2007!

someone once told me,
"love isnt about finding the perfect person, but perfecting the love we show others"
or something like that .
this holidays, its just made me realise,
that there isnt really any perfect person
no matter how much we lie to ourselves into thinking we are perfect,
or want perfect.

its just how much we are willing to bend
and look past the not so perfect things about people who complete our lives,
and make it perfect in ways we fail to see.

and so i've learnt,
i'm not as ready as i think, for love.
or relationships.
or perhaps it is fear, of let downs and dissapointments
coz i've definately had my share of it.
and its just lonliness that makes me go down the wrong road one time too many.
or just the optimism that i could achieve something great,
great enough to fill the viod in my life
which i didnt know ive lost.

looking through my old diaries, makes me realise,
how colourful i was
and now i'm just the blank canvas,
thirsty for paint, dusty from being left aside.

i'm in a mess.
my life is.
ive lost hold of the reins, its gone crazy.
and sometimes, i didnt create the mess sadly,
ive just got to clean it up if i want good things for myself.

and ive never realy stopped to see,
how much how many many people love me.
just perhaps in ways ive never expected,
yet of corse ive pushed them away.

i've just developed a bubblewrap as my defense mechanism.
life a hedgehog that puffs up when it senses danger.
but im doing well, coping with myself for so long.
and im more them blessed to have certain people in my life.

i once told a girl, who thought she lost her atm card,
(only to find out 2 days later that it fell into an umbrella)
that everything happens for a reason,
you just dont understand or see it yet.
like how if you lose $10, someone else picks it up,
chances are the person needs it more then you, kinda.
the great unknowns of how god works his magic.
but yes, people lose things for a reason.
mine was, to find greater things,
things that if i just hid in my shell would never find.

and yes, i've been blessed.
i hope this year would be a better one,
for me, those i love and who love me.
with a better year, with better dreams, wishes and aspirations.
2007, here i come.
2006 is history, so is misery and the hurtful truth.

once again, you've done it.
for one last timeeeeee.