all my life.

i'm tired of being overlooked.
wake up, they're all the same.
no one's there.
guys can be such jerk asses,
who leave you feeling in a feeling that you cant' put a name to,
all you know is that its not good.

sad to say,
i've not an autonomy to change nothing,
or control how the stupid thing called life or fate plays out,
or rather plays me out.

the pieces all don't fit anymore,
and honestly, i don't really care anymore.
throw the worst at me.
i'm already defeated.

and tomorrow i'm gonna pretend that i've picked myself up again.
because it all goes on right?
for what's ever left steph,
hang in there.

and that song played on the radio,
all i thought of was you.
a gazillion miles and galaxies away.
tell me if it was ever meant to be.

somehow i dont want any other.
but its for met to know and feel.

eew eew eew

i think our bintan escapade was a too perfect a pretty one.
the sun, sand, and waves plus ice cold beer and the 5 of us.



PLUS one extra character who grabbed this photo off naomi's profile,
geee, i dont know, maybe claiming it as hers,
or her being in the picture.
maybe that's her in the background?
can you see some characters there?
so yes, bitchy steph print screened her profiloe.
GRANNY TAN, you've been warned
and given the 3 day period to ungrab the photo,
of which noone sees any relation to how it associates toyou.




sick shit.

i'mfinebabyhowareyou

amazing how just one message
at the most unexpected, yet impeccable timing
could bring a smile to my face
a beam in my heart
a bunny hop in my steps

its when things come, unexpectedly,
just out of the blue,
at the times where you're caught off guard
that you know and feel the honest sincerity.

and i could never, ask for more.

come to nothing

you've evloved from being everything,

to being nothing to me.

i don't know you anymore.

so i refuse to let you get to me.

i'll be fine with you,

i've been all along,

havn't i?

somtimes, plans are the heaviest anchor,

when it's all dashed right through the middle

suddenly

suddenly, i feel like i'm in a mess
(no i'm not talking about my hair)
the whole day of research of pretty much, nothing
in preparation for monday's presentation
is just a fine reflection to how my mood's suddenly fell sullen to.
aimlessness.

maybe it took me this long to realise that i may have been wrong
about you.
and to admit, i've been trying to convience myself all along.
i just think its time someone genuinely cared,
for how i am doing.
maybe you could try showing you do,
as much as i do for you.
just try.

there's only so much i can take,
so long that i can wait for that unassured return
for a promise to come through.
somehow i feel i'm in this reality of a fantasy,
the one i dreamt to life
and you're not onboard.

so here's another case of dissappointment,
the case of just words to pacify the moment;
the case of the drastic end to indulgence of that one perfect moment.
the case of the chapter, now written in the history.
i thought you'd be different.

so surprise!
i proved myself wrong,
yet again.
and suddenly,
i feel like i don't know you.
that i can't remember if it was the same you,
i knew once upon a time.


suddenly, for yet another time,
i give up.

barbarians

as if taking human lives in world war II wasnt enough.
the japanese are at it again.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/dolphin

*viewer discretion adviced

rugby day

the whole day's filled with rugby today.

smu touch in the morning.
no one told me the meeting time was changed to 6.45am.
so i got the call at 7.05 and i rushed.
i drove to school, and reached in time to run for the bus!
phew!
front row seats for the late comer.
the field was shite! it was stinkingly stinky!
games were alright.
i can hear my legs snoring.
i think we could have done better.
i think the other team did well,
and we've nothing less to be proud of ourselves,
all of us.
that was my swan song.

and moving on to my virgin run,
my hand at contact.
so i gathered my 2 number one fans shimona and haha,
and cabbed down in time to join the ladies for warm ups
i was happy, seeing how they were happy i turned up.
yes, a good warm up pumps you up.
game time, settle down dear butterflies in my tummy.
of all jerseys i took number 9
(shaddup pierre, a promise is a promise!)
i think i'm addicted.
i want more more MORE.
(but to be less lost)
becks was an animal, so was rania.
she had like how many girls clinging on her when she scored a try. haha.
my near try attempt was short lived
when i got tackled out of the field at the wing.
i swear i didnt roll out, the girl did,
though some people say it was my foot.
none the less, from that line out, SCORE!
WOO.
rania did the last conversation, that barely even went into the air.
HAHA.
barbarians vs singapore select.
22 - 0
i can't wait for the league.

beers after.
all free from the eski (yet i bought 2)
i didnt even eat the whole day.
showered and parted ways with my fans.
watched the singapore vs hong kong game,
which was so silent, but singapore did surprisingly well.
i made a new best friend!
petra! sophia's daughter! (i hope i spelt it right)
we named the sheep princess sparkles,
and i gave her my black balloon,
which we used to play dodgeball and ping pong what not.
the we played wine cork juggling! weee
then it was time for her to go, and she ran back to get my name.
she's just mighty adorable.
more beers and we raided the eski.
cabbed home, i soooo needed to pee.
rushed to get ready to meet sam sam and the rest who wanna head to mos.
so before that i brewerks with the bucks ladies.
no beers since the waiter never came,
only one from kami's "aunt" HAHA.
met teh rest after, though i pretty much was lost from them
hung out with felix, met eileen.
she seems liek a very nice girl and i swear ive not seen felix in such a good mood ever,
since that one day when he was in such a good chirpy mood in sentosa,
and trust me, felix and cranky are best friends,
so that was a great feat.
su came. we hung out.
drinks after drinks.
WE NO HIGH! haha.
danced till smoove closed, and home it went.
of corse not till the fries craving was satisfied.
but no more fries :(

so hash brown had to do.
and YUMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
home i went.
could i have ever missed you more.

that perfect guy

"the perfect guy,

coud be anywhere in the world.

but he choses to be by her side,

coz life's better next to her."

my terrible thursday

i'm in some kind of mood,
even i dont understand.
and this is the mood i don't think alot of people will like,
coz i definately don't.

i've made sacrifices.
perhaps i need actions to justify its worth.
i pretty much already know where my priorities lie,
so i'd hate it, if you're going to compromise on that.

with whatever amount of effort and initiative you give me,
i'll make sure i match up to give you that exact, same amount.
you want more?
do more.

i'm in no mood capacity to handle different groups of people,
who have been weighing the sulk on my face down.
from you, to you, to you and then to that you.
if you're reading this and think it might apply to you,
then maybe it does. or maybe, you're just wrong.

i bet the problem lies in you,
tell me honestly,
when was the last time you believed in me?
or even tried to?

i'm tired of matching up to what you think i should do,
or be.
yes i'm not like the others,
i dont strive to be your favourite.

but i'd just like to know where i'm appreciated.
and i don't know if this is the good or bad part,
i have nobody to push away,
nobody's even trying.



meet me halfway,
but perhaps not today.
i have a feeling you won't like me,
and like all the others, you won't stay.


(dear potential "anonymous" on my tagboard, please be nice)

tp SUCKS.

I'M SO ANGRY.
in contrast to the cold cold weather outside,
I'M FUMING MAD!
did i mention before,
HOW MUCH I HATE TP!
or rather the asswipes in the school.
how much i miss our littlr neighbourhood down at TAS.

so basically i went to buy a sandwich right.
so ya, sandwich = EXPRESS QUEUE.
take and pay.
even this chinese girl who was in front of me did it,
so i follow.
low and behold, the girl who was waiting for her food to be cooked,
DIE DIE DONT WANT TO LET ME BUY.
the guy said to her (this whole conversation in chinese of corse)
'let her buy her, sandwich only nia'
'SHE JUST NOW BEHIND ME LOR, I DIE ALSO DONT WANT LET'
wah fuck thank you
i know i look like a minah malay girl.
all the more i'll smash your face.
i just shouted to the aunty in chinese (sorry ah aunty)
"AUNTY THIS ONE HOW MUCH? 80 CENTS AH?"
suddenly the girl move one side to let me go and pay? keep quiet?
FUCK YOU BITCH.
i'm already rushing for class, you give me unnecessary nonsense?
i hope u eat a worm in your food.

and to that stupid girl who was walkng head on to me,
and refuse to compromise and make way,
instead just banging into me,
i hope you liked my dirty stare.


on a lighter note,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELIX QIU YIHAN.
i can't wait for dinner later.

corporate photo

today was fun.
its such a long time since we hung out
ever since school started.
here goes today.

school today was so so.
i got rejected in business enterprise again.
PFFFT.
hopefully i get to do the following week and get it done with.
handed in my e-bus proposal, 'pimpmystuff' hey! haha.
lunch with naomi. a gazillion years to wait for hor fun.
get well soon chels.
to lecture where i was just taking turns with felix and xavier
to play powerpuff snowboarding on my phone.
felix has thick skin.
here's why i say so.

organizational behaviour lecture right after,
where i played diner dash.
WAH new handphones are a educational hazzard.
chilled with haha while waiting for time to pass.
met the boys after their calculas lecture
headed towards suntec for pur corporate photo!
met rachel on the train.
we took our photos, and had great laughs at how some of them turned out,
well, not so greatly. HAHA, right tim? :)

dinner at this place called just noodles.
the food was alright.
we love tim's giagantic spoon
and felix's munjan way of eating.
and how i miss laughing over meals with rachel.

back to collect our photos
fun fact of the day:
the fastest remedy for eyebags and freckles,
is photoshop. no bullshit.
and to home we went.

on the way back we pimped out our favourite burger king,
from a cartoon photo that we ripped from the photo place.
the new face of mexico's upcoming burger joints.

"burger king.

i'm just way better."

STL

summer touch league season has come to an end.
here's how we ended, on a high high note.



the nanda game on thursday at tp was awesome.
first half started slow, as usual.
and second half, literally, we were on fire
try after try after try.
the 12 tries we needed almost seemed attainable,
till the final whistle.
7-1
so that's it for our attempt at 1st, 2nd placing.
but we all were so prooud of each other.
it was a good fight.
welcome back, tpiranhas.



so saturday,
the 3rd, 4th position was with bedok kings,
whom we practically gift wrapped our game to them, the last time we played.
4-0 the last time.
and this time, we came back with a desire.
they didn't want to give it easy,
so they resorted to less then conventional and sportsman like behaviours,
funny seeing how half of them are refs.
it sure got us fuming, me no acception.
but no point of me being bitchy now,
i think they fueled our drive.
it was a good 9-1 victory to us.
one which we fought for, and won,
without arrogance or foul play.



we wanted an improved victory, from last years 3rd.
and this year, 3rd again.
there's another league coming up.
hopefully, it'll prove better, from the start.
coz we're back.





teppanyaki with shimo!!
our long awaited feast.
on the way back to the east,
it was an impromptu decision to go IKEA!
slow slow walks, so so tired.
but so many many nice things
i want another side table,
curtains!
frames!
but first i gotta develope photos.
thank god for bintan! :)
and whats ikea without goondu fun right? :)





i took a long time thinking if i should buy a plant for my room.
funny conversation over deciding.
shimo loves cactus kingdom.
in the end i just got a coaster set
and a set of scented candles which smelt OH SO YUMMY.
chocolate, YUM, caremel, YUMMIER, cinnamon, errr, not so yum.
cabbed back coz we missed the bus.

after which, sam called.
she was, low.
so as tired as i was,
i came out!
to mos with cal, darren, stu and sam.



i was so tired, i didnt even bother to dress up or what.
i just wanted to chill.
went late, left early.


lazy lazy sunday to follow
(plus 2 write ups)
i need you to make my heart smile again.








and and,


happy birthday oinky!

:)

Like i said, pictures don't lie

Doodley doo

Lecture boredom. This one's for you naomi. Appreciator of my work.

Moblog!

Ok. Lecture's about to start, and i'm showing off to haha how my phone can blog. Driving test later, good luck to me! :)

the morning after

there are just some things i need to get off my chest,
my heart, and my mind.
lying on my back in the silence of the walls,
it was just emptiness around.
stillness.
pictures don't lie.
people do.



















my gloomy lazy sunday.

Mos

My first post via my phone! Awesome :) cabbed to mos with mario to meet cal and the rest. I was in desperate need of the toilet! And for some ass reason, liang court now is pretty tight with allowing people into the building after operating hours. So we cooked up a story how our car's parked in the basement. So we got in! Only to find out all the toilets were in pitch darkness and locked! We went out again, and we were so lazy to walk back to the bars there to use the loo we tried our luck at the hotel, and it worked! I swear cal's charms really works. 7th floor toilet, and it was a pretty pretty toilet! Gone, and then we were gone to the bridge, and then gone to mos where i was gone, and gone home. What a messed up state i was in. And this is a kind plea to the person who finds my ic and atm card along with my cash to please gimme back! I'll be eternally grateful, thanks. :)

my new ringring.

i dont know why,
but i had trouble sleeping,
or rather have trouble sleeping.
and last night was just extreme.
i had all but 5 mins of shut eye
before my alarm rang.
i felt my left eye being swollen.
i just had to sleep.
there goes my morning lectures.

afternoon class at 2.
had lunch with naomi first.
after that we went to tampines mall.
because i needed to get...
A PHONE!
at long last.
(hopefully it'll last long)
and i had my spree at toys'r'us.
such a long time!

here's what i got today!

* my new phone!
* STICKERS!
* and another doll to add to my collection.
collectively, i spent $471, including my 3mnths overdued bill of $214

after that we had dinner.
the rest went to town,
but we were just too tired for the journey,
there and back.
so we settled for the east,
and SUSHI!! mmmmmmmmmmm!
i swear i'm getting fatter by the day.
bintan ruined my routine, and threw me way off track.
monday i'm starting again.
walked around after, had an ice cream each,
and went camera hunting.
then we bussed home.
bus 38 pls!
ms stephanie was ms naomi's tourguide of the east.
half the time she said i was being irrelevant,
THEN WHAT YOU WANT LITTLE MIMI!!??!!?
so ya. then i was home.
and its like a daily routine, for me to turn on my laptop,
change out, admire how fat/big i'm becoming,
log onto the internet and face being signed in and out,
and open my fridge for a (at least) a piece of chocolate.
so that marks the end of my easter egg stash mummy dearest gave me.


bye bye eggies.
it's gonna be such an early start of a long day tmr.
i hope the bucks ladies who are travelling up to pattaya will have fun,
and be safe!

my eyes hurt!

reasons why

yesterday and today went well.
(school not included)

training was swell.
i wasn't as 'on fire' as on saturday's training,
but it was, nice.
i'm beginning to feel a special liking to the team.
an acceptance.
kami's always saying hi with nice bearhugs,
which just feels so nice and welcoming.
and they're so supportive.
they come up to you, ask you how the game was,
how you were.
and followed by the standard question,
"who wants to go for beers?!"
even the 2 gentlemen who help us at trainings,
they're funny, especially pierre,
WHO THINKS HADI IS MY BOYFRIEND.
frenchie.
i'm still wondering why i'm at the wing,
it felt weird playing wing.
after training it was dinner at simpang.
i've never had such a good time in quite awhile.
it was good to see jean-luc again,
he cracks me up sometimes.
ok maybe alot of times.
i'm still guessing! and one day i'ma get my free dinner!

today's class was only 2-4.
understanding art.
i love that subject.
it makes me remember why i love art,
and how much i miss it,
miss expressing myself in freedom.
today was working with carcoal chalks.
ok, not to be egoistical or anything,
it did feel good when the teacher said 'i have talent'
i NEVER liked drawing, and i never did well drawing.
colours was more of my thing.
so yes, i've outdone myself in this small way.
*beams from ear to ear*
its a personal accomplishment.

training was fun.
we didn't have the field coz the boys had their friendly with sp,
instead we took the track, and PLAYED!
we played blob, then capture the flag, then tagball.
SUPER FUN!
my team won!
when we had the field, we played games
it was gooooooooooooooooooooood.
muddy, stinky, but good.
i was team glamourous! :)
and i'm sorry i killed a grasshopper,
i was just secretly afraid of it. heh.

rugby has become a new therephy.
other then just painting, and getting lost in a mess of colours
as solutions come to you,
rugby is it.
it feels good to have something to look forward to
someting where u feel, is second home
something, secure.
with people, who turn in to friends, who you rely on for work or play.
best of all, its best to get your mind,
or for me, my heart off of things that weigh you down to your lowest.
you just feel like an elavated high of some different place,
almost like you walked through a door and locked it behind you.
yes, reasons why, rugby does it for me.

for those that know this girl,
who's sometimes too consumed in time,
and her heart's tangles.
thanks for just gracing the chapters of my dusty,
sometimes boring sometimes crazy life.
and for things that i don't say,
i mean it all the same in my thoughts and prayers,
at the different random times you pop into my mind.

today's a good day,
i'm on a life high! :)

falls to nothing

please don't overlook, or sieze to forget my existence.
everyday goes by, like everyday usually does.
and each day that's passed, is another day more of a yesterday;
a day more, since i last saw you;,
since we last spoke.
and another day more,
that i remember less of you,
just like a fading scent on my pillow.
i'm getting weak in my attempts to block out the voices in my head,
telling me, 'to just let go'

i can't
because its not always easy being in my shoes
you are my rock
which ironically reminds me to live in the 'now',
bask in the moment;
and things don't always turn out the way you'd imagine.

i need to know this battle's worth,
or mine, yours, or ours;
or if i'm the only one on this barren conquest.
good things don't often come around,
only mine's come and gone all too quick.

everything's when you least expect it.
you were my everything.
for then.
just, how much longer?

bintan 2007

HERE IT IS! BINTAN 2007 with the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (still under construction)

BINTAN
14th - 18th May 2007.
Rachel, Naomi, Steph, Felix and Timothy.
i tried my best to fit our escapades onto the caption space.
now to construct our real scrapebook,
and to fight out who'll keep it.