tofixu

do you ever question your existence?
or get the feeling that all you're meant to do,
is 'fix' someone, and you dont reap what you sow?
people can change, for the better.
and somehow this is the first thing i see in people;
their potential to change, if they tried enough.
and believe in what i see, know, and feel.

ive been in my share of relationships,
and often, its the ones that hurt the most that you remember.
you have that extra attachment to the person.
that extra ounce of faith and hope that one day they'll come around,
just suck it up, hang in there.
till the point where the rubber band is stretched snapped;
you're going in different directions.
but we learn to move on,
you learn to keep it real.

taking a step back and looking in, we all come out of relationships better people.
or at least we heal to be one,
its easier to find peace and ease guilt this way sometimes.
i feel happy to influence positive changes,
that he learnt to be a better man, the one i knew all along he was.
that he is capable of greater, bigger things, and he's building his dream.

but wouldn't you think, why the changes after me?
why not during? why not for me?
i dont think im not deserving.
was i impatient, or was it just meant to be?
the whys and why nots will forever haunt me,
with questions i cant answer, the nagging doubts.
but im content, the world could really use with better people.
and ive inscribed a few names on that wall.

im starting to resignate to my fate of 'fixing' people,
and having other people to come enjoy the benefit
when im still stuck here with thoughts echoing in my head.
and wondering, when is someone going to fix me instead?
and maybe this time,
stay.