tiffy.

Steppie.
First, wanna say sorry for making u angry. I knew u were angry
tts y I didn't talk to u for a while. Me n my stupid ego. N I know u’re gonna kill me for using ur laptop but I just had to tell.

I actually feel like crap tt I dunno a shit bout ur life. Will u share with
me what u're going thru? Coz I admit I am a lousy sister. im oblivious to
everything n I wish we could be close so much so then we know everything bout each other.

U know. I really need someone now too. Theres many
things happening around but im sure u have ur fair share of stuff too. Like when I read ur entries in ur blog bout daddy, I cried. U know, till today I miss him n sometimes I would just think of him for a long time at night. I miss daddy.

Tell me whats going on with u k? im sure theres a lot tt I don't know bout. N I would love to know. Sorry If I'm always out n all. Works stopping soon n hopefully both of us will be free ok?

Ps: don't be angry already k? im sorry. Love you.



Me.

i flipped open my laptop to find this word document.
i cut and pasted a few parts due to privacy.
anyways. yes.
i'm angry with my sister for particularly taking my corset top,
which she strongly suggested me to wear for my party at cocolatte.
i couldnt find it like hell, so i just went for an alternative.
i didnt mind.
but i just went bizzark when i found it neatly tucked in a paper bag in the corner of her cupboard.
this is not the first emmy winning performance by her.
moreso i searched for more of my belongings,
only to find that one of my favourtie perfumes,
which i tucked away into the deepest corner of my cupboard,
was used to the last drop by her.
that threw me to the sky.
i know i'm being a bitch, but i just ransacked her cupboard
while still searching for MORE of my hidden treasures.
not to mentioned that i got scolded by my mum after that,
despite me telling her why and what happened.
sure, condone the actions of your favourtie daughter.
she even cleared her stuff, and offered to pay for the perfume.
sorry to say, its not the money that im angry about.

then reading the part about my dad which she wrote,
i just cried.
its like one of the few things we have in common (especially these days)
and yet, we seem to be pushing each other away.
(but i still quite angry with her la)
maybe after this i'm not so,
and yes, i am a little insy bitsy bit petty.
i guess we've both been busy, time's consumed everyone.
and thus we dont need each other as much as we do when we were younger.
part of me also allowed myself to be taken by superficial things above emotions.
like how i take for granted how i never allowed myself to be there for her,
and vice versa.
as much as i feel my soul is getting uglier and uglier. i know i'm not a bad person.
at least i don't aspire to be.
(ok that was my guilt speaking/ blabbering)
but that lil "ME" that she signed off as,
brings back into my mind the image of that little girl who'd dress the same as me when we were younger just so we'd be mistakened for twins.
except that she had the bug-tooth and round specs, and she ate her rice soaked in soup.

somehow its not easy for me to open up to her anymore.
because she's either always on the phone,
or that i knew already her friends ARE her priority.
or that we just had each other in good times, laughters,
not sorrow. not pain.
only that one time that was the exception was when she, mel and myself were in her room,
when we first came to know about our parent's situation.
for the first time, i FELT i had sisters, esp from my eldest sister.
one time show maybe.

my mind is in a mess. so is my heart. and my life.
everything in the future seems blurry.
i dont know where i'm headed, or where i want to head.
but one thing i know is that,
undeniably, i still love the little "TWIN" sister,
(who can be a stinking bitch sometimes)
because god gave me you to get angry at,
but still love you enough to let you use my teddy bear towel,
and worry what time you're coming home at night,
or if you're eating enough
(partly coz ur slimmer then me)
bottomline is, its not so much that i HAVE to love you,
but you've given me enough reason for me to WANT to love you.
despite the stupid things you do sometimes.





like being brave enough to touch my laptop.