heartphuck

my right eye is so swollen and stinging since i woke up,
just suddenly,
i dont know why or how.
so im struggling to open it

and i'm feeling so in a rut right now,
in a euphoria of insecurities, frustration and upsetness.
i really wish i can believe it when people tell me i deserve to be treated better,
but i just cannot cope alone, so i just keep coming back,
even though i know i cannot rely on you.
i want to be treated better.
but you don't always get what you want.
there's just too many questions floating around in my head,
that i just want to scream into my pillow just thinking about it.
i dont know anything when it comes to you.

i allow all this to happen to me.
and its what you do to me.
i just want to be left alone,
but comfort on a shoulder would be nice.

i need to get my life pieces back together.