Tuesday, January 10, 2006

broken when i'm lonesome

i need to learn how to fix my broken heart,
once broken, then fragile,
now its chipping off bit by bit.
i need to, because i want to love again.

i need to find where my heart is,
only then will i know where it belongs.



anyway the day was average.
started out, dully.
i just passed my bus stats test on the spot.
25/50. what more you expecting ah steph?! LOL
had the usual salad at bizz park *slurps*
but my egg fell on the floor!!! :(
second time already.
sleepy head dee just giggle.

comm skills ended at 12, then we had our make up tutorial,
i feel sad for mr lum,
like he take time and effort to help us,
but we not really giving him our attention and efforts back.
he gave us break at 1.30, lucky man,
if not die for the class,non stop from 9am - 4pm.
mensa kway chap keeps people warm :)
then POM lecture was cancelled,
so we worked on our project in the library.
nash say samuel "dress like her" LOL.
the bung vs the butch.
then we keep making fun of samuel.
in the meeting room also the wall had a hole,
so terry ripped out a chunk of it,
and together with steph and lu,
made "drugs" LOL.
drugs full of eggs from ______'s pussy(hole in the wall)
:)
stupid people think stupid things.

the iGALLOP ADVERT SOULD BE BANNED I SWEAR!!!
its damn misleading and sensual
that kids shouldnt be watching.
anyway not say the girls pretty,
gross la the advert,
huge turn off.
only ass-fetished guys like ungku will luuurrve.

btw did you know there was a "corpse" on the 6th floor of the lubrary
according to chun.

after that just chilled at the sports complex.
the feild wasnt as bad as we dreaded,
considering the non-stop rain on sunday
and the on-going drizzle.
it was uberly fun in fact!!
sliding and all! woo hoo!
first me and lu and ruby play kick kick.
stupid farij throw mud on my face,
so i put mud + grass into his pants. :)
he also jump into a puddle and made me "spotted"
azhar passed me a muddy ball which i actually attempted to catch.
lucky my FRIEND zam told me not to.
members!
me ruby and lu" scored!" felt great.
3 weeks of no training, and the training began!!
what a great session to kick off,
though attendence was lousy,
like only 12 of us.
but still, enjoyed it.
my knee hurts, the scrapes i mean.
i'm freaked out by the "flesh eating bacteria"
but i guess it'll work in my favour now.

especially since like a few of them say i put on weight.
k la, i feel it too,
blame it on the holiday season, xmas, new yr and all.
(not to mention i was WELL FED)
and 3 weeks of not training.
put 2 and 2 together.
what do you get?
chubby steph.
I ADMIT.
and i munched into a rotten longan.
THANKS AH CAPTAIN :/
gross shit.
reminds me of the wormie apple i bit.
(sound like snow white? LOL)

after that headed to techno!
walked with my "bf" andy.
i've come to learn that he's a sweet guy,
really one in a kind.
and his arm is so smooth.
javin is an ass.
plain meanie helium goatie.
HMMPF.
bluff me got no more blue M&Ms when he just want them alll to himself.
fertitility god think i dont know only.
but he's cute la.

i got so angry with magg.
he say he take like mass builder supplements.
and go gym all,
but his arm still smaller then mine.
tak members seh!!
i know i joked it off, but deep deep deep down in my fragile heart,
i was hurt.
didnt help that farasi laughed, and though bullu laughed,
at least he show me that his arm bigger then mine :/
consolation?
the not-as-slim boys told me i'm not fat.
i refused to continue eating my $2 plate of fries,
and the chicken that andy offered me.
(though i was tempted la)
and i'm sorry andy that i emptied ur can into my cup!
honest mistake! but ur a sweetheart
lu wanted u back! LoL.
but ur devoted to me, AWWW :)

daddy came to pick me up from the carpark opposite.
andy brought me across.
had a hearty chat with dad.
i missed him so.
i hope what he said comes true,
hopes that "this yr would be a better one for us."

magg say sorry to me, time and time again.
i never "members" him when i leave. lol.
i just dont want to pretend i not affected la.
but its all good now,
everytime i have a craving ill think of him
then can :)
had various chats with different msn people.
and i cant help but feel thankful that there are still people out there,
who actually sees me.
i want my life back in perfect prospective, and quick.
like i told russell,

" im so sad coz im gonna die a miserable olg hag with lots of cats roaming in my kampong hut"

but even on a sad miserable lonely cold night like this,
entertainment is aplenty
esp when i took a peek at my tagboard.
things people would do.
enough already is enough la.
its just a matter of who can be the greater person,
or the popular word, "sportsperson"


so tmr, ill see ur face fade into the clouds,
and fragments of my heart dissolve into thin air,
and wonder the face of the earth,
hoping to be found and whole again.
i'll miss you.
though i know i cant afford to sink deeper,
denial is a difficult difficult thing.

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