rollercoaster.

off today! !
great chance for me to catch up sleep.

ellen de genereous is freaking funny la.
anyways, work has been, tiring.
i miss the old people there,
but the new ones are kinda the same pattern .
i dont like the new managers.
i sold this guy a $299 trenchcoat, only to let one of the managers k-po
want to entertain, until in the end he dont want to buy. good for you, bitch.
met a racist customer, under my conclusion. LOL.
a customer who asked if i was eurasian and say no wonder so pretty.
not shy la steph.
yup. 3rd day and im still surviving.
2 days breaki n a row, then 2 days full.
no rugby for me at all this week.
we'll see how that goes.

hung out with rach and felix at her place.
didnt stay long. all shagged.
what was suppose to be a drinking session only resulted in 2 cans of beer. LOL.
i just need to swollow all the heartache.
but i was just too tired to even.
i swear my eye infection is coming back .
now im so confused.
and for once, i feel the ache of losing something that could have been, great.
but everything holding me back are fears and insecurity,
of myself which i come to conclude i can never get over,
which affects everyone above myself.
and this time, when i say i dont know,
i really dont.

and i think ive learnt very much to hold things back,
especially my tears.
on saturday after my game, everything just climaxed to my brink of destruction.
firstly, was the game. i just felt, blank.
because i dont know what im doing well, or not well,
but it was certainly a game that we underperformed.
was on the way to yck to catch a match,
and there everything just went mad.
almost like, it was fate shouting in my face, that it wasnt meant to be.
to i went the other way around, and just bit my lip the whole way home.
holding back the tears.
luckily i had someone who was willing to put time aside,
just to keep me company.
so i stopped at paya lebar, and by the time he arrived,
i just broke. i just cried.
i couldnt hold it anymore.
but at least im glad he took time to be there for me.
even though i didnt share much, he was patient.
he made me feel alot better by just making me not focus on the bad,
but rather the good.
yes, sometimes it helps to not talk abt the bad things,
but rather talk about nonsense stuff that makes u just smile,
coz a smile makes you forget.
or at least, lessens the impact of all the bad bad bad stuff.
for a brief time of someone who isnt always around,
its just nice to know that people you dont expect to be there,
are readily ready to be there.
which makes everything, worth a shot for struggling a little bit more.

and attitude plays a bit part.
so now i'm trying to learn how to walk with a spring in my step .
and ive just got the best news.
which reminds me to put my wants and goals in check,
to move me to do things, i love.

what a rollercoaster.