crashandburnbaby

rejoice. you all have won.
arn't you glad.

it all started with being caught in the ruck of your ruthless selection
and segretion of what use to be a great escape
in a team where i found sooooo many good friends
till you snorts came in thinking you rule the place.

i feel no more obligation to be nice,
or forgive the people you all appear to be.
i've had to pay for the consequence of your selfish actions,
and conciously sacrifce something which i love and worked hard for.
but of course, you dont see.
because you're doing great arnt you.

so just when i think, i should continue to hold things in high redard,
as i have all along ever since my passion expanded into another area
and i could lose one or the other.
i chose to go with my priority,
only to have reality scream in my face,
on how you can squirm around policies and get away with things,
when people like me, victomised by what you started
just lose in a fight i didnt start,
dead, before even stepping on the battle field.

i don't know you. all of you.
in whatever you do, its a silence mockery laugh.
all your fake faces.
there's still all this going behind backs.
you all want this, take it.
at least i made decisions and actions while withholding my integrity and loyalties.

i just hope by some miracle,
you realise the magnitude of all your actions,
maybe not to me, but the people indirectly affected as well.
in all that you do, you just show me that you don't need me.
and maybe you really don't.
but neither do i need this.
because i'm losing out to people who aint even playing a fair game.
but you wouldn't stop to think,
or stop to care.

arn't you all glad that i'm gone?
no more bitch on the field?
no more need of pretence?
you push me away and away from you all,
then i have to kick myself in the heart to decide should i just stay.
only to find out, "we're better, we don't need you"
but its my decision.

and from all the nonsense i get
and the resentment i have from all this bullshit.
i'm leaving.
i chose contact.
because if people don't care,
sometimes you tend not too, as well.
and more often then not,
the people who pay arnt those who cost everything in the first place.

my only regret lies with the people i leave behind. whom i can't share the stage with anymore, this last fight we have, before we graduate from this shit hole of hell. i love you so much,for being the person you are to me.going through what we've been dealt,i wouldn't give it to the world, and nobody needs to know what everything felt like.i relived it everything we're together.

and after it all,
i realise i don't hate you, and never did.
i just hate the things you do,
or things you don't.
and how you allow everything to escalate into something people but yourselves,
get caught in and hurt by.

shouldn't you be happy now,
to see me crumble.
i hope you feel good knowing,
how you let this girl sleep at night
with an extinguished flame in her heart
which you didn't bother taking care of, or fixing
you've all just really hurt me.

and i hate that.




the end.