trashcan

so that was the emo week.
from that guy, to that thing, to that person, to that us, to those projects, to that car.
a week of numbness;
from the puffy eyes, late nights with the dark ceiling, the being stoned with what to do next, wednesday's intoxication fiesco to the 3 day marathon of confinement with the thoughts in my head.
this week is new.

"And i really get that you don't really wanna know what's going on with me, or that you're concerned to know, and i'm fine with that"
i'm sorry, i lied.
i'm not as fine as i'd like to be.
you are there, and i am here,
a million lightyears away would seem just a second,
if you could only meet me halfway.
but i'd rather pull out before i get pushed out.
i can't help but think it's just me when it comes to these kinda things,
i don't meet guys who i can keep.
and i don't meet guys who i can keep.
it's like i'm almost radioactive,
and everynight i just imagine what its like to be cuddled from behind,
in this thing called love.
so goodbye to you.

i guess i overcame a mountain with my mum today,
when i asked her to join us for dinner.
yes, i only wanted the car, which has been sitting at home for 2 days but NOOOO.
she wasn't well yet her eyes beamed of appreciation of the gesture.
halfway with the sit-down at starbucks she called me to take her to the docs.
i rushed back home to drive her there.
to the docs and back. yes i still wanted the car.
and i'm just appalled by the person i've turned into.
but just sometimes i wished she'd give me credit where its due,
and she'll see how much i'm trying to open her blind eyes.
(besides, she prolly fell sick on night watch duty of that key. plus even when she's sick, she's a ninja with hiding it. its NOWHERE to be found, swear. sigh. what a bitch i am)

so yes. why do i let emotions get the better of me?
because sometimes the heart is too hard to ignore,
that the brain wants in on the funfair.
i cant blame how people react or act towards me,
i was prolly a part of the root of a cause anyways.
but its hard sometimes,
its hard not knowing what caused it all,
what ifs, the what's to come,
and what possibly could be next?

i've got this whole week to keep me busy.
i'm gonna make the most out of it,
and just click and drag the folder of this past week into the trash can.



people always leave.
lesson learnt; never rely on anyone buy you.