last week in perth

my last week in perth before flying home
like a holiday before coming home.

rushed to pack all my stuff.

was going to move and stay at bernie's till friday

week started out with nandos! mr eds and aunt merles picked those up

and then me and my loads of bags up and headed to beeliar.

hard to believe maddison had just got out of surgery

she was still literally boucning off walls!

and her baby's head is made of stone. my head knows.

nandos extra spicy, yumm.

maddison made her muffins, and i came to the conclusion

that kids like to finish their last bit of chocolate snack

by smearing it all over their face.

rest of the evening and night was over bottles of wine,

more chicken, and movies till late late in the morning.

wednesday was a lazy day in.

all of us pretty much sat around in the lounge doing nothing.

i got to a little packing of what im bringing home with me.

berns made carbonara for dinner and that was shiokadoos!

had a night out with her to newport! HAHA.

and we had fun.

from guys who thought we were mother and daughter!

and who thought we were japanese, only for me to speak rubbish japanese to him,

with him replying in real japanese. OOPS.

and a group of youngin' who were having shots with us.

berns drove him early back to her babies, and had car troubles! :(

leaving her carless for about a week! oh oh.

uncle dons came over thursday morning,

made more pasta or lunch.

chilled the arvo,

dinner again was gooooooooood.

i think i just miss home cooked food.

what do you get with magazines and blu tack?

a hell of a fun idea!

with our stroke of genius,

TADA!

even the baby couldnt escape his fate! :)

more movies to end our lazy quiet day.

friday morning was a lovely day with maddison.

started off with her coming out of the bedroom

"where's daffy?"
(yes, in her stutter and slur, i am now daffy.)

i heard her all the way from the study so i hid.
and when she peered the corner i jumped out.

she gripped her bottle and went "errr err err"

kids are no fun to scare sometimes.

and guess what, there was a speck of blu tack in baby ignatius' hair!

so bring out the scissors, OOPS. ha

lunch was a lovely cheese and cracker spread

with good pate and smoked salmon

olives and sun dried tomatoes, the works.

lovely arvo in with berns maddison and val.

only champers was missing.

and guys massaging our feet and giving us a pedicure

last minute packing left maddison asking

"why you packing, where you going?"

"i'm running away from home, maddison doesnt love me"

she frowned. folded her arms in thought.

eyes lit up and started jumping around,

"but i do staffy"

"really? how much"

"THIS MUCH"

*spreads her arms as widely, still jumping*

how can you not love kids?

she was a good pair of hands helping me pack tho.

apart from picking up my stuff and playing with it.
to putting lip gloss on, to wanting to paint her nails.

to playing with my lomo so i took out the film and let her so trigger happy.

to trying on my top which looks like a dress on her.

to opening up my art supplies and so we went colour euphoric.

then uncle domonic pulled up in the drive way.

i said my goodbyes.

princess maddison refused to.

oh well. i would have done the same.

never really a fan of goodbyes

but my week's been great!

as if i were home even before i flew.

last weekend in perth

my last weekend in perth was awesome.

bastian's farewell bbq on friday.
was out shopping with charlene earlier in the day first,
then over and gotten our potatoes and legumes grilled.
turned out great.
got bastian a pair of havianas with the aussie flag.
awwww im gonna miss my newport wednesday partner! :(
and no prizes for guessing where we went after.
newport!
where i met 37 yr old derrick from nz.
and then to metros.
ended the night so so so late/early
that i had just enough time to go home, quickly shower and change
then run for my bus to work, still half wonky.

work was so frustrating.
already half drunk/hungover, the other chickies on shirt just left me to do everything.
take orders, start the orders, while they literally just stood there,
waiting for things to pop out of the oven.
to the point i was boiling and burnt from the oven,
"WRAP THAT AND GET OVER TO HELP ME OUT OVER HERE"
hated that i worked with a long grumpy face, but really coudlnt help it.
night out was better. happy birthday stu!
got to meet his gf at last, miss sarah.
and his mate andrew.
started the night at the orient, then to newport then to metros (again)
met john! oooh the curlywurly hair.
(and gross chest hair)
went back to his nearby so he'll drive me home.
walking in we were looking at stars and i was showing him which was what.
then i went to take a leak,
next thing i know, he pulled out a mattress and quilt and pillow
and we slept in the garden.
it was awesome!
and i wanna wake up in the garden, everymorning!
with purple flowers falling to the ground.

off home and to stereosonic!
freak awesome!
paul van dyke, carl cox, infected mushrooms,
you the shizznick!! :)

andddd its back to work on monday. meeeh

end sem

the 25th marked my 4th month here,
today marks the end of my semester for me.
upon opening the exam booklet i just wanted
to scream, dance, jiggle and skidadles.
becuase ive come thus far
(did help that i could answer most of it!)

how time flies.
it was just yesterday that i was unpacking my stuff,
settling in to a not so comfortable small excuse of a bed,
to now picking up my clothes, shoes, books and bags all over my floor.
everything just went by faster then i could even make sense of it.
but i survived. so did we all.

coming to an end also marks the reminanicing of friendships forged,
orientations, the birthdays, good days, bad days, sad days, mad days.

drunken nights out before madness of assignments and exams started.
and how we just saw each other through in good times and bad,
anger, sorrow and lonliness.

goodbyes are due for bastian who's leaving to his motherland.
where they have dalmatinos (dalmations)
and tiger woods evidentally means jungle in pictionary.

not to mention the occasional weekend visits to the cousin's or relatives,

which was my escape from the brink of insanity.

getting hugs from little kiddies who make you pretend to be an elephant

to scare off the lions while they hide in the cave/truck hood cover thing.

i'm going to enjoy the rest of my time, relaxing and reflecting.
before anything rash or impulsive strikes me.
and most importantly,
i'm going to live (high and mighty).

because the exams are over and my weekend is officially here!!
(till the next semester!!!)
kicking it off with a bbq with the housematies
before my week of none stop (party) hits.
booyashaka!

snippets of life.

i honestly think you can never measure a mother's love,
unless you're either mother or child,
or maybe even a mother yourself.

but i stumbled upon this blog (thanks charlene)
and was just intriged by this woman's life. and i came to this entry.

and i quote
'In you, I’ve discovered a child’s love that is so tender, so sensitive, so sweet and so whole-heartedly absolute. When you say you love me, I don’t have to search deep in your eyes to see if you mean it, because it’s splashed across your face – you really do love me.'
Karen Cheng's Snippets of Life, 2008

and you can see it all, through the turmoil she's been through,
the warmth she feels from her son who makes her a better person
and makes her apprecite life more, almost as if bouncing out of bed each day.
i think i can only imagine being that lucky to come even close. swear.
and to realise these miracle, yet alone live it, is truly a blessing.

i use to think bloggers (especially those famed ones) write
attention seeking, rants and vents and a miniture gossip column
with bad english and lifestyles of the current generation.
i know i've been guilty of these kinda entries once in awhile.

how shallow i am sometimes.
how shallow we all can be.

she's really changed my opinion
(and gave blogger hope! HA)
i truly think she's an amazing human being in every sense of the word.
and i'm a new avid reader of her blog.

ho<3me

how to you go back to a place you call home,
when it doesnt stand for what it means,
or was anymore.

not because everyone's grown older,
but more seemingly so, grown out of each other
in ways i can never comprehend;
how it happened, and why.
and what's next and what will be left.

i thought the aftermath has gone, clearly mistaken.
the repurcussions seem worse
just when i thought we were going good.

for now, i'll just try and hold on
to those that still keep the walls of home standing.
i feel so selfish, wanting what i want.
when deep down all i wanted was to make you proud,
and happily carefree, someday for a long long time.
so mum, i'm coming home.
and we'll weather it through together.

hold your own, and everything will be just fine, in time.
i just wished, as always, i had answers for everything to make sense.
and to still make me believe in things that makes ur heart tingle.
and i just want to scream and know
that you will hear my pent up emotions for once.

fattening goose.

christmas is coming, and it doesnt feel like it! :(
i remember this time last year whilst suffering at internship,
we were so happy and merry whistling in our intern 'fishbowl' corner
to christmas tunes.
id half blame it on the exams, or just the absence of everything, christmas

i want a christmas tree!
so it'll start looking
and feeling like christmas.
hanging balls and ornaments and light.
then kick back, lay on the living room floor
just watching the lights dance over baileys and jazz.

i want a christmas tree!
so i can put presents under, and secretly hunt for mine,
and smile myself to sleep thinking whats in it.
still wishful for the day i find a puppy in one of boxes with my name on it.
a puppy, with the red ribbon.

i want a christmas tree!
because i know i won't be the only one around it.
with christmas socks dangling, too small for my presents (i hope!)
and the snuggling at the foot of it over hot chocolate,
or irish it, plus marshmellows.

most of all, i want a christmas tree,
to remind me to be hopeful and happy.
and think of home thats in my heart;
and all the warmth.

do they know its christmas time at all?

exam-oh

so the exams are here.
been finishing up the last few chapters of revision the whole day
along with writing my cheat sheet that i've forgot to eat.
so yes. at 9.30(perth time) i had my breakfast lunch and dinner.
cream pasta with shrimp, YUM.

exams kick off tmr.
starting off with bullcrap data stats and ANALysis tmr evening.
then its off to a viewing in freo and some shopping after.
and back to more studying as i catch up for chemistry,
and MUG for enviro science.

and i'm still lost.
should i go or stay?
and persue something else, somewhere.
le cordon bleu, i shouldve gone with u in the first place.
or i should have just never embarked on a misadventure.

ho hum. exams end on the 27th.
thank god i dont have work (this week)
if all goes well, i'd prolly be moving out of here by the 1st.
not till STEROSONIC on the 30th YO YO YO!
i'm supposedly due back on the 5th,
but theres so many things to do here before i leave.
like catch up with the relatives, busk in the summer sun,
go on a fishing trip, sip wine in the valley and marggie river.
and do some christmas shopping.
ornaments and deco here is NOTHING like those in singapore.
swear. sumpah.

not to mention yvette and darren will be back!
so prolly ill push my flight later, *fingers crossed*
but i dont want to miss christmas at home.
nor not have time to buy presents and wrap it THERE,
coz no way in hell im buying gifts here and bringing it back,
(theres no space in my bursting luggage)

so i'm all set, ALMOST.
for tomorrow's paper. with my ALLOWED cheat shet
cramped with my oh so pretty handwritting.
its an exam after so long. im not nervous yet, hmmm..?
hopefully itll go as well as im feeling.

tho i feel, a storm's coming.
i hear it.

whatright'sleft

talk about mindphucks.
i really wonder, what people think gives them the right..

to implicate other people in their problems
in which they just can't control and make sense of,
neglecting the position and implications imposed onto people involed.
that's selfish.

to chose someone, just because you're not happy,
or that you think it's the better of the two.
not knowing how much the relationship is already estranged as it is,
not caring how much worse you'll make it for everyone when truth be told.
she's blood, i may realise but she won't.
i didnt ask for this and i dont want to hear it.
that's fcukin selfish.

to do nothing instead of something you should be,
when i could have been somewhere else i needed to be,
not bothered at how i struggled which crosswords were more entertaining,
don't take advantage of me, you and all of you.
thats only so much i can take and will stretch.
that's selfish.

i guess we all forget sometimes, how people get selfish.
and that we may laugh and smile,
but the eyes never lie.
dont overlook how i am capable of being hurt, more easily then others sometimes.
and dont overlook how i too am human,
equally capable of hate.

tho i never wanted any of this, this way.
are you saying, you're better then me?
so really, what gives any of you the bloody right,
to put someone else in a position they dont deserve,
when they can be so much better.

left orright?

and the thing about me, ive realised;
is i look so much at how things will be at the end,
before even letting it begin.
there should be a manual, especially for me.

tnereffid eb gnidne siht tel esaelp esaelp esaelp

optimism

steph's all better now.
almost.
HO HUM.
the sun's shining. so am i.
exams are coming. boo.

decisions to make - stay or go during the summer?
earlier or later? hmmm
not good indecisive one.
and im considering buying an inflatable pool? HAHA.

friday night out was awesome.
what i really needed after a long staying dark cloud.
there's better be more better days like this to come.
i will update fully (an on backlogged entries)
when i have more time and more energy! :S
too drained from work. :(

because its harder to fall, when you're optimistic.

itskillingme

and the worst part is.
i have so much more to offer,
i know it, and feel it.
i just wished better opportunities presented themselves.
and that people had more faith in me.
its so hard being half the person you know you are,
or can be.

and it kills me, everyday.
slowly.

sugar,we'regoingdown

tear my heart open, i sew myself shut.
i dont know how to deal with disappointment,
especially from people you call 'friends'.
everybody's changing and i dont feel the same.
i dont know how to make sense of anything anymore.
utter mindphuck.
no front no back, no head no tail.
no beginning and no end.
its a whirlwind, churning for awhile.
turned hurricane spiralling out of control.
leaving everything a mess.

leaving steph a mess.
how do you tell if your on the path of total destruction?
how do you find your way back to who you are,
or use to be; how things were.
will they still be there the same way you left it?
and where do you start picking up the pieces on your path of recovery.

how do you find yourself after you've gone way off track.
which way is forward?

do you follow a spinning mind or listen to an uncertain empty heart?

manup

its amazing how sometimes, you expect things
without even putting in much yourself.
its like wanting to travel the world,
without paying for your tickets.
and its not me.

pumping iron

fickle and unpredictable.

hot and cold.

you're like the weather,

which i'm always stuck in.

take it or leave it.

second guessing is beneath me

at least its not something i need.

is a mindphuck i try to deny.

i need to know

surely, there'll be sun

for a long time.

do you know? or care?

happy pride.

never in my life have i seen, and most of all be surrounded
by so many happy people.
truly happy to be who they are, so free spirited
almost hippie love.

undoubtedly, my best perth experience thus far,
with perfect sun and great company of my almost neighbour charlene.
great bands, food and beer, and happy people.
gives red bull a run for their money, or their wings really.

started out dodgy with my leaky water bottle in my bag
causing a swimming pool and a half-past-ten handphone
and a K.O.-ed ipod :(
so got changed out of my drowning bag and finally made our way down.

bus train walk lost walk YAY.
and some people are just scary. plain scary.
'aie u, give me money ay. give me your money bag ay'
this trashy teen said, deated hiding behind a stroller with a baby
and i presume her mum next to her, only grinning away. ZOOOMG.
yes, im pansy sometimes.

so it was fair day, in celebration of the reinvention
of gay pride.
i feel more, liberated somehow. more open and free.
charlene took her shots, i took in the atmosphere.
happy faces, happy pride.

good sun good fun good music.
we prolly were on the news dancing like mad people in the background,
charlene and her air guitar.
too bad no more pride flags left to buy.
temp tats of the flag on her arm, my back.
sex dice, hers gold and black, mine glowy in the darky :)
nachos, beers, wine, fries, sausage (no bread!)
weee.
rock your hearts out.

bumped into old singapore friends on that day too.
audrey again who poor dear lost her voice
then gail and jess who ive not seen in forever.

now back to a hectic week of
work, attempts to study and start my assignment, and planning.
but i'll defo hold on to this feeling.
for a long long time.
<33

mundane

and the week's gone by, just like that.

sunday - lazy day in
initial plan was to have a day out in the sun in freo, but no sun only gloomy out.
on and off. just like how people are. so i ended up going to bull creek thinking woolys was open,
but no. so just had my subway fix. watched tropic thunder back at mine with pinky.

monday - home study
lectopias. readings. msn. facebook. attempts.

tuesday - half day
tuts in morning, lecture. home readings. one tree hill

wednesday - home study
self explanatory. repeat monday. plus landlord took us for a BIG chinese dinner at bateman. so yummy, and STUFFED. even back for cake and jelly and tea. supplies till thurs dinner, swear.
heroes season 3 with jase after, and no readings. boo.

thurday - chem labs + uni tav
lecture then lab. no ugg boots in labs steph. tiring day with 1230-430 non stop.
straight to the tav with anand. audrey was there, and singapore vanessa, then matthew, chai, leon, marlini, veena, casey, kenyan vanessa and a few others. ive dj, boogie night just too tired and not in the too dancy mood. something lurking at the back of my mind; some naggling thoughts which i dont even know what. its that stupid daunting feeling which wont go away and you just stoneeeee.

friday - home and a freo
no study tho. too busy surfing the net. freo at night. i actually ran for the bus, heels off.
caught up with matt, ravi, this chick and new friend nigel.
thought to newport, but metros instead. HWET :( not financially and mentally prepared for that detour. so i headed to newport for abit myself after. left in time to grab some fries and catch the last bus home, myself.

saturday - interview with the hawks
had a 9am interview at subway. you're hired :) hwet. light grocery shopping then home.
no toilet cleaning coz the housemate was still zzzz.
ended up catching the footy finals with jase over lunch and beers at some place in oxford in leeder. i think ive finally grasped (most of) footy. YAY HAWKS!
and then chilled out over stupid aussie tv and movies - cars *beep beep*

well, that was it. as mundane as i try not to make it seem.

babies 'r' gorgeous

the sun's chasing the rainclouds on my head away! :)

i texted uncle dons early this morn to ask for directions
to god knows where MALAGA is in perth.
freaking like, 10,00 miles away from the moon.
and turns out uncle dons was just 5 mins away from, wherever.
so YIPPEE.
he picked it up on my behalf. awesomee.

he came over mine to drop of the cards,
and we even went to see baby ignatius!

he's just precious, boy is he gonna be hawt and gorgeous.
bernie was just glowing with beauty.
lovely arvo for me, most defos!


and he does his one eye open/closed stint. cute.
but this one, takes the cake! :)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

back to school to meet the groupies to finish off the transect.
big load off. met jason right after for a beer, some take away chinese,
and a muscle man movie at his. omg ARNIE?! wtf. HAHA
home after, early night. not quite.
lets just blame my unability to control my addiction to the new seasons of
one tree hill, heroes, desperate housewives (caught up, waiting new one!)
yeah. awesome, la.

identify-more.

and so some kind soul decided to ring my phone.
apparently my theif has a conscience.
may have kept my wallet along with the transperth card, money, tongue stud and tampons in it,
but threw out all my cards including ids and bankcards,
even though ive already paid some money to get certain stuff replaced
like my padi (bloody $55 pls)
but thank god. really.
i got back what i really wanted and needed.
and i'm not the only one it happened to.

whoever you are.
just stop. salvation is your to take.
so just take it and not take wallets no more.

hermit.

i wish i could find better words
to let you know how i'm feeling
and how this is tormenting me,
at almost every slight thought of it.
how i always feel misunderstood,
and act the way i do
given all the circumstances.

and in the end,
i wish i could put my heart mind and soul on a platter,
for those who've hurt me, or i've hurt,
to see what's really going on.

and how i never meant for any of it.
i'm the new hermit.

finally fridays

i had a FINALLY perfect day
twas friday.

started off with the 'lazy to get out can't be arsed-ness'
till i rolled off and got ready.
invited matthew and bastian over for dindins.
so got the stuff ready, prepped the chicken wings and meatballs.
*FYI meat for the meatballs were from sausages.
YES sausages. i just sliced then and pretty much got the meat out
from two sausages so 3 people can share the love. haha .
so yes, got that done and set aside.
while i took a shower and went to school
data statistics test which i didnt study for went swell.
i swear its like what i did in singapore, but only called 'E MATHS'

grocery shopping with ine and audrey after at bullcreek.
overbudgetted. and ine can shop! HAH .
and so excitingly shes making cookies, yum!
and how great when we were about to go home with our big bags,
it rained. FUN.

and the best part.
matthew and bastian came over after school at about 630ish.
i didnt get anything on the stove! HAHA.
but it took me about 20 mins to get everything done.
spagetthi and meatballs and chicken wings on the side.
uncle james even threw in his green bean soup! meow.
stuffed just nicely. and we tripple teamed with the dishes.
that was awesome, and fast!!
doing the dishes never seemed so easy.
i guess you can really never ever go wrong with food, beer and PICTIONARY
awesome possem fun.
it was just a perfect chill out when its raining out.
chilled out over beers till charlene came and the games started.
was fun. perfectly fun and snuggly on the inside warmth.

bastian left to catch his bus home.
we played on abit more with our own invented version of the game
so we can carry on with 3 players.
till suddenly the storm outside sounded so bad.
so we called murdoch security to pick and send matthew back,
dropping charlene on the way back.

that ends my friday.
perfect end to my bad start of the week
and i hope i only go up from here.
weeeeeeeeeeee!

so goodnight goodnight.
sunday brunch is defo on the agenda for me.
i want and need one! :)
freooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lovin.

faith

Matthew 7:7 -Ask, Seek, Knock
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you"

when i came here, i lived with my uncle donny and his family.
soon after, i found a house just infront of my uni.
i rang them up, but because i was too far and it was late,
i didnt turn up, moreso i lost the contact number.
4 days later, i plucked a number off the noticeboard again.
it rang, and it was the same person.
i went to view the place, and got a room.
perfectly just in front of the uni, with good rent.

my aunt said, that room was meant for me.
soon enough, i began to see why.

turns out the landlord and my uncle and the family are old old friends,
with very extensive mutual circle of friends between them.
and the lady of the house, who talks alot to me,
will occasionally preech and share with me her intamate moments,
with god.

we one day, while i was cooking myself lunch,
got to talking about saints, and then lost items.
and she quoted me that verse,
which now makes alot of sense, especially after all thats been happening to me.
funnily enough, this was just before my things started going missing.

and i think its just very, suiting for me now.
like a message, apart from the feeling i get that
its not my time or place to be here now,
but a message, and a calling back to faith.
i know i have been away for so long,
too long i dont know my way back.

and all this ties back to faith, strength and belief.
the want to find, you must first seek into the unknown.
the strength to ask, and then believing you'll recieve it someday.
its just significent in my current journey of growth and
self discovery and exploration.

so i'm getting new ink.

to remind me.

(and yes, this side of me does exist sometimes, just not very often so its shocking!)

Matthew 7:7 -Ask, Seek, Knock

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

first grade

running up and about today wasnt fun,
esp without an identity, quite literally.
and money.

so getting it reported was a bitch.
esp when people arnt sympathtic or helpful.
can you believe my uni security said when i called them to report
"so what do you want me to do?"
how about for starters, your job?

so yes, even after filling the loss report form,
all the lady did was say
'ok we'll notify you if anything turns up'
and sits back at her desk to type.
so much for aussie friendliness and warmth hey?
(maybe its the spring)

and my breaking point was when i tried getting money out from the bank.
doesnt he understand MY WALLET WAS STOLEN.
i have NO CARD and NO ID and NO MONEY.
why dont you help me when ur in the position to?

i went to the international office to look for help and guidence.
and i saw nicholas.
and i couldnt help it, frustration got the better of me when almost automatacally tears welled up in my eyes and fell like bullets.
not streamed, but fell.
its just frustration to have that dark cloud thundering on my head.
baby, its raining raining.

i guess that was my brief vent of not very satisfying tears.
but it felt better to feel release.
for this and other things, jerk.

managed to rush for my student card to be made.
the IT guy refused to make me one because i have to pay $10 replacement
or have a polive report number for FOC replacement.
but see, the vicious cycle began when my wallet was stolen
and i have NO MONEY and i need my card for money
and the police phone line is busy and i havnt been able to get through
and my test needs the student id and i have no time to go to the station personally.
so yes
after much persuasion, initial battering of eyelids to not so amused smirks,
i got it, FOC.
and got through the police, not so FOC because of being on hold for FOREVER.

so i got my money out. CHECK.
rent money, CHECK.
just not so much money for groceries.
usually shop with my card and stock up for the week.
but my card comes in 2 weeks.

hopefully out of all this, i get to save some money and not overspend,
on drinks especially.


and mainly, today was my first graded test
for chemistry.
i was READY STEADY.
but when i reached the end of the paper,
i had NO TIME.
so i pretty much for certainly gave away like 7marks at least.
and that sucks

oh well, rest and relac tonight,
back to the books (did i say back or start) tmr on.
next test on friday.
and no one knows wtf is going on? HAHAH


thank god for donated beers.

id-less

to top of my not-so-upperty streak,
some asshole decided to steal my wallet from my bag during a lab session.
why does it always rain on me?
just the case of the jerks?

i hope you have genital warts, whoever you are, wherever you are.
karma will get you, so watch out.
my name is steph.

just that now i am COMPLETELY id-less
singapore id, driver's, bankcard, even my padi lisence.
plus my student card, my bus card which i just bought, aussie bank card.
and my passport only comes in at least 2 months.

woohoo.
this is the last that will get me down.

father's day

yes, its father's day here in perth.
no, you're wrong, it isnt an international day around the world.
it's 7th september here, and sometime in june back home.

wished the landlord 'happy fathers day'
and wrote in a card my housemate got him,
she's so sweet i swear.
and now he's preparing us dinner! THATS AWESOME.
plus he's making his pumpkin soup,
its the SHIZZSNIC! :)

so i texted the unlces here to wish them too.
got a callback from my godpa.
so we chatted, asked him what he was up to.
and he said nothing much, godma just came back and having something to eat.
same ol same ol day, nothing special.
and in the background you can hear
"HE'S NOT MY FATHER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
wise words of my godmother :)
and then godpa added that the priest today said during mass
"everyone calls me father, but no one calls me daddy"

BWAHAHAHA.
to every aussie dad*
HAPPY FATHERS DAY! :)

*only applies to un-assholes

the best hugs

so i left my troubles and worries at wednesday,

and started afresh on thursday.

managed to get abit of study in,

but not as much as i initially would loved to have,

or thought i would have.

and i thought i had something to look forward to

but you're just the 'fuckin' same hey?

so thurday went by quick,

audrey had her first day at work,

and she came by after, had a quick nap.

didnt wake up so i made us dinner.

honey glazed lamb chops with roasted crushed nuts,

with cheesy corn kenels and pumpkin soup and tortelini on the side.

she woke up, we ate, pretty much everything to the bone (literally)

i swear aussie meat is super SUPER good!

orgasmic.

then for dessert, she cooked up the rest of my pancakes

and it was GODLY.

even had enough for a take away to matthew's and ravi .

campus security picked her home.

i swear they've really became out chauffers.

and it was supposedly back to the books.

but :)

friday was my favourite day of the week.

excitement?

i was gonna see family after a long long time,

for princess maddison's birthday!!

or just not studying the whole day? haha

that made me guilty!

but i got up in time to rush through my day.

figured out how i was getting to bernie's, what to get the little girlie,

and everything else just fell into place.

went to bullcreek to get the dora talking backpack.

decided i didn't test if it was working, so i pressed it on the way to the counter

"OLA AMIGO, ITS THE TALKING BACKPACK!

BACKPACK BACKPACK! BACKPACK BACKPACK"

thanks.

went ot subway to see audrey at work,

met charlene for a quickie, while i was wrapping the presents,

dean and andrew who were shopping for a father's day gift were there too

it took 4 people to wrap a 3 year old's gift.

done and left. right to cockburn.

bernie picked me up, we got some beers, half of which she donated to me! THANKS! :)

then home with the balloons.

it was a great great night.

just being around family, and surrounded by kids

who pretty much kicked my ass at guessing the barnyard animals. meow.

and its so exciting seeing her open her presents! :)

i'm glad she liked the BACKPACK BACKPACK.

actually, so do i now!

great food, beer, and family. need i say more?

it was there, then just home.

but it was more then enough for me.

did anyone tell you?

that the best hugs,

comes from a child. <3

fly away from here

to think i've not have enough setbacks.
i just got another one, right from the heart of home.

i got news my dog passed on.
my dear dino, friend and loyal companion of 12 years
left us in his sleep last night.

i know i may not been the best to him,
but i guess only he knows how much i really love him.
and our random walks out at nights.
and i'm sure he took the mickey out of me at times when i came hom drunk
and sat with him on the porch because i was locked out.

i remember how he was soooo small when we first got him,
that he could fit into the square of the gate.
i was 8 back then.
and each time he does, squirmy like a black torpedo with a fat belly
he got so happy he was literally just bouncing and just not passed the first step of steps in the house.

taking him to the beach was fun, gosh he grew so fast.
hated it when he teethed.
and that he ripped my favourite shirt once when he excitedly pounced on me.
and very much sooner, he became HUGE.
only his stout fit through the gate now.

and very much soon, he became, just the watch dog.
sadly.
and i guess he felt that too.
i'm sorry boy.
i'm sorry that our last walk was so long ago,
and that i didn't get to say goodbye.

somehow i felt that he waited out.
so why havnt i been home the past month.
another sign to tell me, it just wasnt my time to come and be here.
and i'm crying like a baby.
he was still alright when i left and hugged him before i left the airport.
and ive had news from my sister how his legs wernt holding up.

did you wait for me?
wait for me to return?
or to come back drunk again just one more time?
or to open the gate out too wide so you could run out and watch me chase after you?
wait for me to throw the ball and fetch it myself?
wait for that last walk?
did you hear my prayers for you?

and its funny, how i was on the phone with harry last night
and talking about you right then.
thinking back, pretty much 10pm when you had left us in your sleep.
about how you use to be tiny, and then not.
about how i use to be tiny too, and then not.
and that dream, that dreadful dream that i had.
you with those sad eyes.
and that has now inevitably come true.
but in the dream, i got to hug you babe.

and i'm so sorry again.
its like i heard you speak to me in the dream.
and there's nothing else i can say or do,
but i'm so sorry.
i hope you know all my heart says and feels for you.

and you'll always be in my heart.
you smelly black cow.

i love you boy,
and you're the one that i will always miss.
i will see you someday soon enough.
wait, and don't forget me love.
and this time, it'll be forever.

RIP dear Dino.
1996 - 2008

unhappy nomad.

and inevitably, i broke down.
in front of everyone.
it was like, i was possesed.
because i dont remember.
and i dont usually know how to speak my heart out so freely.
i dont even know if subconsioudy i meant anything.

i guess, i just really need support now hey.
or i need to learn, (still) how to support myself.

and i've lost my passport. BRILL.

study week this week.
in dire time;
to focus, recharge and revitalise.
tests assignments and more tests coming up.
eyes on the prize.


i still need reassurance.
and that long awaited snuggle.

fix you.

Starfunny says:
yes im good
if only my mood was the same
alot of things are wrong,
but i cant put my finger on it 'just one of those, u know?

being away from home? bad days?
life gets like that sometimes.. but there's always happy times ahead
cheer up

maybe being away from home. i guess this is the first inevitable road bump.
when u try to push the grass is greener theory.'
i just have alot of questions to myselg sometimes. and i upset myself.

sometimes you gotta water your own

its just the 'what was i thinking wanting to come here' when my life was perfect already but i needed more

it's probably just a transitional point in your life your wondering why and what and feeling worried and unsatisfied because your futare is uncertain

i hit my ultimate low yesterday.
my heart is sick

what? what happend why?

the 'what am i doing here' hit me.
its just a reality check kind. dont know if you get that
not homesick. more like, why did i leave my life when i thought it was screwed but looking back i had it all going for me. but i thought id find something better, you know?

so you would like to have your "old" life back?
why isnt your life so good now?

i dont know if its there for me to go back to
i didnt say its not good. its just, uncertain and i guess im scared of failing.

well.. no one else than you can find that out...
but we shape our own future


fly away from here. fix you.

ahchooooooo

no updates as of the past week because.
IVE BEEN SICK!!
from sunday.
and when i went to the doctor, no prescribtion.
apparently my body just doesnt respond to anti biotics.
so just been ordered bedrest and panadols which she says wont help.
anyway, cottlesloe beach is lovely, so was the company and il gelato.
i made a friend, simon the seagull.
chilled with ine and audrey after,
ine and i finished a whole bottle of vodka??!!
ruby room on saturday was alrightttt.
the crowd tends to get weird during certain hours.
and yes, maybe i am out of your league so stop whining.
whimp.
on the contrary, jake who we met there sent us all the way home in a cab,
even tho he lives on the other side of perth and it came up to $100++.
such a sweetheart.
and i love my sundays at freo.
tho it was the start of my backache (WHY?!!)
which seemed to become a fever, then flu which lasted till now.
and i feel miserable.
it makes me feel more alone.
ive just always been so pampered when i'm sick.


oh how i feel so, helpless.

matthew's 21st went alright, that boy can driiiink.
14 shots and still standing.
cant wait to see what tmr and saturday will bring him. HAHAH.

expiry measures

pork chops, with caramelized onions and apple sauce
paired with garlic-ky mashed potatoes and green salad.

CHECK.

was a huge sucess for a first time.
and its a freaking $7 meal,
with priceless company.
audrey dear, i cook for you ANYTIME.



oh how i will spoil my husband-to-be.

burp! :S

so freo was awesome.
lil creatures were too packed for charlene and i,
so to kailies.
their calamari is better then cisarellos.
and nothing beats a glass of white on a sunday arvo.
nor 2 ;)

to the beach after. it was nice.
just chilly after awhile because of the breeze.
but it was a great lovely day
and i loved the company.
and the quiet time, you know.
with your ipod in your hand and the sun between your toes as it set.
going back to the station was a bitch tho.
cant believe no one helped, or was kind enough hey?
haha.
anyways. speed grocery shopped because my poor housemate was waiting.
(FYi grocery shopping is a satisfaction that should be gone through slowly for maximum pleasure)
dinner menu: tbone steak with heavy mushroom and garlic sauce, served with spagetthi and asparagus on the side.
OMG it turned out the best so far XOXO.
then watched the olympic game between china and singapore which ended singapore's 48yr medal dought.

today was a non stop hits with the back to back classes. 1130 - 430. then again at 530 - 630.
first time i fell asleep in a lecture at 6 today. zzzzz.
i guess i gotta get use to my mondays like these hey.
had audrey over for dinner. always better to eat with company.
defrosted my own home-made tv dinner - spagetthi sauce.
made some meatballs from scratch, boiled some spagetthi, added cheese and wala! :)
and needless to say, im UBER stuffed now.
even trying to finish all my food that somehow expires on the same day!
21st Aug. i think i need to buy 4d.
but yes, so plenty of stuffing on foos before then
and then ill be hungry and foodless after thursday.
whippee.

we have a new tenant,
some china girl.
i hope the considerate kind.
anyway, i saw the room again
and come to think of it, i might have picked the smaller one :(
but it defos has a smaller bed with a shitty matteress
(i swear the previous tenant of this room was a pig, its half sunken in)
bottom line, it is NOT COMFORTABLE.
the cupboard has more shelvings. where as mine has, well, NONE.
hanging is limited though, so i win on that.
but BED. i need a bigger bed.
i swear mine is like, mini single or something.
meow.
maybe in the middle of the night i will creep out of my room and change the mattress,
or bed :)
shhhhhhhh

hitting the books soon.
or maybe sack. just too worned out today :(

coming down under

so its been so long since i saw this page.
and about 3 weeks ive been here.
first off euphoria is dissolving into the need for reassurance
to why i even started this adventure.

its sad that i miss food from back home the most.
maybe its just because i havnt been eating very well since i came.
and i wished that showed, then at least id complain less.

certain people i miss because they've become such routine to my life,
that somehow, everything crashes down to being disfunctional from time to time.
but i need this stepping stone, so i need to suck it up.
if not for me, then for the future.
mama's gonna be so proud.

anyway, im fortunate to have made great friends.
is it me are aussies in school not as friendly as how aussies are painted to be?
made friends with people from norway, kenya, mauritius, germany, and handful from singapore.
and its swell. they ease my transitional periods.

right about now the sun these days are out more often.
makes the cold barable. oh how i love the sun and cant wait for the summer!
thinking of packing a picnic basket and head out now now now.
or little creatures at freo is heaven for a glass of white on a chilled sunday. <3

ill try to update as much as possible now.
seeing how my schedule doesnt really allow me to keep in touch with each and everyone.
pictures wise, am i jolly backdated OR WHAT.
especially with the many installations of my farewell...

Youth In Touch with the Tpiranhas Oldfarts
Sunday brunch with the favourites
Quiz nights
Lomo shots!!
Sentosa with Lu and Momo (MORE LOMO SHOTS!!!!!) :)
Equinox!! <333333
Dinner at the Lius, and my last supper at home.
nerds party in the office
CHINAONE 'steph goes down under' party

and even from far far away i got good news on the proposal that ive been working hard on.
that we've all been working hard on, the late late hours.
and its a kick in the face of those who previously thought im dumb and not worthy of being entrusted with the huge responsibility of doing up a porposal.
oh the liberating power of empowering.
and it paid off. hugely. ionixed yo.
and the many many smaller events i did when i was in concept 360.
its just serendipity and i miss that the most.
from facing aunty juju, to being the queen of thailand.
its a hard work of fun.
and the crew are in beijing now. with f1 coming up too, itll be busy busy.

got a chance to see people in aussie land whom ive not seen in so long too!
the last time i was here was 8 years ago!
godma and godpa, who took me out to dinner at hyatt hotel and then to the cas at burswood, (!!)
and the get together at bernie's for val, maddi and bren's bday,
uncle/mr ed and aunty merle - thought they're frequent singapore visitors
uncle dons - saw him in singas not too long ago, but the rest of the fam, aunty doreen and brenda, its been AGES! and bren was telling me stories about how the girls would take care of the younger girls way way back, when we were about 3-6.
then theres of corse uncle barney! and val, oh funny bubbly val.
as well as bernie and her beautiful family.
the winter cold was out the garage door and the warmth exuberated from everyone's face.
except dad, whos lonely heart showed.
but i guess your destiny or fate is how you chose it be.
and i just hope you're happy, then i am.

school school school. is ok, still.
because ive kinda taken all these basic subjects either in secondary school or poly.
seeing how 'hospitality and tourism management' has nothing to do with 'conservation and wildlife biology', i was initially hesitant. but its turning out ok.
i guess at this stage its still the revision of old topics (ie MATH AND SCIENCE) which i havnt touched in 6 years.
but im quite happy. i expected to be here at least 3 yrs but apparently i can complete it within 2.5 with a double major.
but ive still pushed it to 3, with double major and a minor.
marine science please!
cant wait to start diving here!
and driving.
and surfing.

did i already mention i HEART FREO! ?!
its such a summerised atmosphere of the free, hippie arty farty soul,
ie me.
its just, lovely.

and i hope theres much more to discover,
more great people i'd meet.

my adventure will continue.
stay tuned, matie.

packing your life away

and you know its hard to let go and start over,
when your luggage is spilling out its sides
and you cannot decide what to chuck, keep and pack.
what do you really take with you,
when all you want, is to start over?

goodbye

the reality is now, you are leaving.
and i look back on the times i really knew you.
and i just wished neither of us left so each night would last longer into the day after.
because in some small little little ways, in reasons i am unable to comprehend,my heart tingled each time you were near.
and i've missed that, not as much as i've missed you
and am going to.

do you ever think of me?
would things have ever been different?
all said, done and not,
i wish you well.

jaded

so i been to redang and back.
it was a great holiday, well deserved and it couldnt come at a better timing
for me to get my mind sorted and my directions clear.
but as soon as i crossed back over the boarder,
i felt everything weigh down again.
i miss simplicity, so take me back soon please.

days at work are getting tougher, and mundane.
im looking forward to paintballing tmr in jb,
and phuket for 4 days right after.
hopefully, its continue my spiritual and wellbeing healing.
it'll do me good,
especially after such a bad bad day yesterday.

and did i mention im addicted to online shopping now?
sigh.

ethan's first month

celebrated baby ethan's first month.

finally have my own camera so from now on blog's going to be PACCKEd with pictures.

(only just if and when i get the time, and find a damn way to upload pictures fast!)

no red eggs though!
but it was heartwarming.
everyone's all grown up now, and for the first time,
i saw the gleam in a parent's eye.

kelvin's all grown up in his army do, giving a red packet to the new proud daddy.
and granny just looked back at him, with such pride at how her grandson's grown
into a filial boy, handsome and healthy.
and how her granddaughters sit together at the same table,
all grown, bright and pretty.
and when we said our goodnights i felt a tear in my eye i fought back.
i miss my granny, the fond memories of when I use to stay with her
and how my aunty took us out last time
(with her exboyfriend DONALD duck)
and young uncle, today proud father,
whom i used to pick at his leg hair.



because home is where the heart is.

Thought of the Day

NO ONE IS SO GOOD THAT HE HAS NO BAD IN HIM, AND NO ONE IS SO BAD THAT HE HAS NO GOOD IN HIM.

We human beings are a complex lot. Many religious writings and great literary works are based upon the constant struggle between good and evil that goes on inside every one of us. This struggle is as old as mankind itself. Yet, while we recognize our own inner struggles, we are often quick to condemn others. Psychologists tell us that there is no such thing as a bad person; there are only bad behaviors. Make it a point to look for the good in yourself-and in others. Nurture the good character traits and work on the ones that may need improvement. Like plants in a garden, the character traits that grow strong and productive will be those that are fed, watered, and weeded regularly.


Pass the fertilizer?

creep

ive fallen back to square one,
into the silence and isolation
of forgetting familiarity
and being forgotten.
i miss making people proud.
or happy.

i want to get away.
to a place i don't need luggage.

i miss being carefree

the perfect man
can be anywhere in the world
but he choses to be with her
because life is better by her side.

daddy'sgirl

and i had a bad bad dream,
that i wish never to happen.
it brings tears to my eyes.

breaking point

i dont know if its because ive held on so long,
or that ive been distracted by being busy
that its a long time coming, blindsidedly
i'm having a breakdown.

but never have i found myself crying on the kitchen floor
i hate how things always ALWAYS happen all at once.
information/emotion overload.
all different things and feelings all at once,
i don't know where to start

to start with dealing with loss and getting over waiting.
with unforeseen circumstances and news
with insecurity, with work, with less time for familiar faces,
less time for z's, things going on at home, with my dog getting better.
its everything, just everything at once.
almost like a forced moodswing with everything that's going on.

frustration, worry, depression, satisfaction, relief, anxiousness, excitement, greif.
where do i begin?
how do i put time on a standstill?

i just really need a moment to stop and breath.
or better yet, just wake up to see, know and feel things dissapear.

it would help and be assuring to know someone, anyone understands.
and tell me it'll be alright and mean it.
to know that ive not lost the tracks and prints of my past,
because that's the only thing reminding me how strong i am,
and how strong i can be with familiarity and assurance.

i cant do this on my on.
not now, and not for long.
tomorrow, i'll just carry myself like i'm fine
afterall i think i'm getting good at it.

i never knew

no courtesy of goodbye.
and all i hear, is the sound of my failing heart.
the heart that once beat for you.
the one that you made skip.

i've already missed you.
no one person could ever stretch the extremes of emotions;
of happy highs to depressing lows.
you've done it all, only you.

perhaps, i never had you.
not the you that only i saw and see.
yet why am i blaming, me?




i need the beach soon.
i need to get away.
somewhere, someplace.
some unknown.

so i can be as alone as i feel.

<3

just beautiful.

puts a smile on my face and heart,

each time.

and this too...

for abit of an obvious (different) reason.

but if you find this breed/potential breed wandering the streets,

give me a call.

lessthenperfect

nowadays, im believing less and less of what people say and do.
walking oxymoronic juxterpositions.
how people are easily swayed out of their supposedly firm stance.
i guess that's what people do once their bored or given less attention,
they move on.

superficial world, go to hell.

and i'm so oftened kept in the dark,
yet not already used to it.
maybe least of all, from you.
that's what plastic is made of aie?

i know all of you, less.

Long Time Promise.

Dear Anonymous,

I have waited a long while. Time has gone by.
And I think you should uphold your end of the deal.

I'm referring to my tag board, a long time ago.
I have waited. And now, I have graduated.
It's time you told me who you are,
and what was it you had to say.

I've been patient.
So tell me. Before curiosity kills me.
A promise is a promise.



Love,
Me.

hokker M.V.P-uki womens 7s

my first m.v.p.
i didnt really feel i deserved it, i wasnt outstanding.
all thanks to my absense from training and exercise altogether.
but im glad i didnt give up.
and neither did we.

womens 7s on saturday was fun.
we played with 7 players, no subs.
we REALLY need to get numbers,
and more support.
but i always love my time with the girls,
on and off the pitch.

had my moments during the game.
esp when i was unexpectedly appointed hooker.
trurt me, a transition for a relatively newbie backline to a forward,
it quite a scary crash corse, esp on game day.
in a scrum, everyone saw my knickers.
a few scary moments when i wasnt sure if i was going to catch the ball as i felt it slipping around my body.
yes, around.
all in all, was a good game.
i'm kinda liking the hooker position.
exposure to many positions certainly would help any player improve prospectives of an overall game, and be flexible.
definately a note to work on my fitness and conditioning.
calves cramped up too many times.

after the games, went to rania's for a shower
already then i felt so sore with 4 blueblacks showing.
i brews easily.
met brooke and we headed to bq for food.
cant believe i went the whole day with just one bun in the morning
beers at night was crazy. havnt been out with the girls for so long.
did our fines.
we lost the boat race to the boys by one person! we could have won but dear frenchie coach lost it for us.
and didnt really notice till one of the fellas pointed out that i smoked nick dance.
i think he wasnt even trying on the first time, and i beat him.
the second time the dude bought the round for a rematch,
i won again. but i knew my boobs had some to drink, and im sure nick knew too.
but he was a good sport.
cant wait for another boat race! :)

off to pump room.
I REMEMBER I FELL. HAHA.
then to cheeeeena one with daniel.
bought nick and dan a round of flaming lambos.
their poison. nick feel asleep soon after,
and we left for mos, studio 54 to check out the dj
and daniel fell asleep soon after..
last i saw of daniel was him walking away and coming back to throw my wallet at me.
i quickly rushed to macs after to beat breakfast menu coz me li-ke some currrrly fries.
then home it was.

pigged out he whole of sunday while feeling like a stiff 60 yr old.
mad cravings i had, most of which satisfied.
from my morning fries and hash browns,
to ben and jerrys, instant noodles (wtf), laksa, crab!, chicken chop. OMG.
went to hit some (golf) balls at the field near mine. lost about half of what we brought out.
i have a record of missing the ball entirely for 4 times in a row.
cravings yet satisfied: sushi/salmon, thai food, satay.
and i have a heck of a meal menu in mind that i want to whip up,
just thinking of who for and when for.

so be nice to me.
stop and stare

mr.s-a

as much as i appreciate this first time honesty,
i hate that you didnt even try
its not a selfish thing you're trying to do
but not giving me enough credit
or the way you handled things
i can never figure you out
just when i was slowly phasing you out,
you say things i needed to hear
only to not substantiate it with actions
i'm just a sucker for believing you again
and once again i'm left stranded.
so with a bitter taste behind my throat
i remove pins of hope and the messages i keep.

so here we go again,
i'm starting on my own
i'm not that bad, am i?
maybe you deserve better,
but so did i, from what seemed like the beginnging.
if it was all true, i don't see how you can let it fall to this.
i can't wait to get out of here,
it just holds nothing to me.

and to what could have been, and whoever you want to be.
you were the boy who i could really love.

thelookingglass

Hi, its me.
I'm sorry, i know its late,
but
what happened to us?
i dont know who i am anymore,
or how i got here
i miss who i use to be
i wanna have a home again, you know?
and real friends
the kind of friendships we use to belive in
i miss that
and i miss you

i guess i just miss all of it
it just doesnt make sense.
are you happy?

retard

i dont know if its a problem i have,
that i base my worth of importance,
on the people around me -
who they are, what they mean to me,
possibly, how many?

i'd rather not have,
then to have to lose.
and last night, was just retarded.
a bloody let down.

with my killer hooker heels on,
pushing an additional 4inches,
i've never felt shorter,
and smaller.

so this is what having a 'ty' instead of a 'teen' feels like.
and its only the begining.


i hate this.
i hate being here.

hedontloveyou,likeido.

its exactly what i didnt want to happen-
you opening up a can of worms with whatever you said,
leaving me hanging again.

i don't know which is worse,
you having no recollection of it,
or me actually believing every word you said.

do it, or don't,
i won't wait this one out, again.
you already lost me one too many times.
don't do this to me again, not when i'm in a happier place.

i can't figure you out, ever and never.
there's too many 'again's.
i deserve better then this.
it was good while it lasted.

i love the rain and thunder outside
good theraphy for the soul in moments like these.
and i miss you.

137

got this off ruby's.and i won you dear! :) i'm sorry i've been to busy,to tell you/everyone how much you make a difference in my life/2007.happy new year to all, babies!