*video containing entry!*
went to school at 1130am.
almost late so took cab, AGAIN!
grawl.
i have to stop this habbit,
its eating into my pocket..
still got lots of things to pay for.
is it me or are datelines catching up on me?
:(
i have a feeling i'm not gonna be able to cope.
anyway, had consultation for comm skills.
i swear i'm an alien in the group,
i know nothing of what is going on,
and if it wasnt for another member of another group who told me,
i would have missed a dateline entirely.
*mega sigh*
no comments.
after that it was lunch.
packed carrot cake from ITAS
to eat at the sports complex.
yum!
after that we had fun, breaking into people's locker!!
lol.
its the same kind of locker as my front gate,
so i know how to crack the code thing.
one sucessful break in! heh.
wanted to leave a note saying "hi"
note to anyone reading this who's one of the lockers are at the sports complex,
STEPH IS HARMLESS AND HAS CHEAP THRILLS,
and i will not do anything with the comtents of the locker whatsoever.
i just have a fetish for locks. :) (yeah right)
i apologise.
then lu took a nap, and i just browsed through my macroecons book.
and i felt soooo accomplished that... i.. actually....
MADE NOTE! :)
yes exam-friendly notes so that when the time comes to study,
it'll be a breeze.
lu woke up at 1355 and we headed to our next lecture.
boring as hell.
met the racist fuckhead from haha's class,
didnt know it was the same boy from my interview.
i hate racists smucks!
throughtout the lecture i kept dropping my stationary
lu asked me where's my brains.
after lecture went with jean to meet qin sheng.
we went to the library to watch billy elliot.
i forgot about my library fine and the counter lady had to announce it. :/
i dont remember it being such a boring show.
i swear qin sheng was watching harry potter from his neighbour's screen!
the library's gonna see more of steph,
with that wide spread of movie titles. YAY!
but i better clear my fines first, heh.
after that went to training.
our friendlies are off.
marli picked the team.
somehow i feel that some people deserve it more then others,
speaking from the point of passion above skills.
i guess one can only move forward right?
i am happy that i made the team, still got lots of work to do before the final cut.
but its still a team effort.
yes there is a seperation, physically.
personally there won't be an emotion seperation.
i guess i feel that much for the girls.
this is not the end.
again i showered finished last.
headed to techno for food.
didnt feel like eating.
so just had fries and green tea.
then cab home.
reached home, mel was already back.
heard her complaining and whining, so.
its like i'm here, but no one knows.
or at least cares to know.
mums angry that i didnt go say hi to my sister.
its not me that hasnt gotten over the feud between us,
its her.
and i guess im not enough of a better person to make yet another first move of a truce.
not anymore, i guess.
after that tiffy asked me to go simpang with her.
though burried with tons of schoolworks and upcoming tests,
i agreed.
becuase i know if i dont make time, i won't have the time.
anyway its been so long since i've spent time with her.
manage to have a good chat with her,
and we actually ran for the bus together and missed it entirely.
bleah.
she told me some good, and bad news. (see below)
met sham, pat and hobday there.
long time no see.
they keep bullying the uncle those mean boys.
almost late so took cab, AGAIN!
grawl.
i have to stop this habbit,
its eating into my pocket..
still got lots of things to pay for.
is it me or are datelines catching up on me?
:(
i have a feeling i'm not gonna be able to cope.
anyway, had consultation for comm skills.
i swear i'm an alien in the group,
i know nothing of what is going on,
and if it wasnt for another member of another group who told me,
i would have missed a dateline entirely.
*mega sigh*
no comments.
after that it was lunch.
packed carrot cake from ITAS
to eat at the sports complex.
yum!
after that we had fun, breaking into people's locker!!
lol.
its the same kind of locker as my front gate,
so i know how to crack the code thing.
one sucessful break in! heh.
wanted to leave a note saying "hi"
note to anyone reading this who's one of the lockers are at the sports complex,
STEPH IS HARMLESS AND HAS CHEAP THRILLS,
and i will not do anything with the comtents of the locker whatsoever.
i just have a fetish for locks. :) (yeah right)
i apologise.
then lu took a nap, and i just browsed through my macroecons book.
and i felt soooo accomplished that... i.. actually....
MADE NOTE! :)
yes exam-friendly notes so that when the time comes to study,
it'll be a breeze.
lu woke up at 1355 and we headed to our next lecture.
boring as hell.
met the racist fuckhead from haha's class,
didnt know it was the same boy from my interview.
i hate racists smucks!
throughtout the lecture i kept dropping my stationary
lu asked me where's my brains.
after lecture went with jean to meet qin sheng.
we went to the library to watch billy elliot.
i forgot about my library fine and the counter lady had to announce it. :/
i dont remember it being such a boring show.
i swear qin sheng was watching harry potter from his neighbour's screen!
the library's gonna see more of steph,
with that wide spread of movie titles. YAY!
but i better clear my fines first, heh.
after that went to training.
our friendlies are off.
marli picked the team.
somehow i feel that some people deserve it more then others,
speaking from the point of passion above skills.
i guess one can only move forward right?
i am happy that i made the team, still got lots of work to do before the final cut.
but its still a team effort.
yes there is a seperation, physically.
personally there won't be an emotion seperation.
i guess i feel that much for the girls.
this is not the end.
again i showered finished last.
headed to techno for food.
didnt feel like eating.
so just had fries and green tea.
then cab home.
reached home, mel was already back.
heard her complaining and whining, so.
its like i'm here, but no one knows.
or at least cares to know.
mums angry that i didnt go say hi to my sister.
its not me that hasnt gotten over the feud between us,
its her.
and i guess im not enough of a better person to make yet another first move of a truce.
not anymore, i guess.
after that tiffy asked me to go simpang with her.
though burried with tons of schoolworks and upcoming tests,
i agreed.
becuase i know if i dont make time, i won't have the time.
anyway its been so long since i've spent time with her.
manage to have a good chat with her,
and we actually ran for the bus together and missed it entirely.
bleah.
she told me some good, and bad news. (see below)
met sham, pat and hobday there.
long time no see.
they keep bullying the uncle those mean boys.
tiffy did a damn irritating thing ah!
CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO!
stayed till like 0040 then left in a cab with shamsie.
(below)
this is what i came to know from tiffy.
1) when daddy came to fetch mel from the airport,
my mum and tiff had to take a bus back,
because my dad and mum's cold war didnt permit her a ride in his car.
and mel ust cried there and then.
this isn't what i would call, coming 'home'
2) daddy dotes on me alot.
everytime we have lunch he'll remind tiffy daily to remind me to come.
and when i'm too lazy to wake up, he'll just ask about me in my absence.
when i can't come because of a weekend rugby game,
he'd ask tiffy to secretly find out where i'm playing,
so that he can surprise me.
3) that same very man who wanted to surprise me has no heart.
my mum took a cat scan of the brain today.
set aside the financial burden on her for that one scan,
i can't imagine what she went through going into that huge machine,
just to find out if the doctor's diagnose of a brain tumor is right.
worse still she didn't tell ANYONE of us about it,
so its safe to say, she went through the ordeal alone.
if she would have told us, would it change anything?
so was that dream a signal about her?
i wished i had the answers. i wished there's no one month of waiting for the results.
but, again, would it change anything?
i still cannot figure if its better to have not known or to know.
and when tiffy told daddy about it, he didnt move a muscle on his face.
is this really the end of 25yrs of marriage?
what's this promises you made then,
through sickness and in health, till death do us part?
please, at least give me the reason to continue believeing in love,
or a fantasy rhealm of happiness.
whatever.
i cannot concentrate on what i dont have (anymore)
and what is real, what is the now.
mummy i love you and you're gonna be alright.
we're gonna be alright.
sometimes i feel like i don't know why i'm going on.
stayed till like 0040 then left in a cab with shamsie.
(below)
this is what i came to know from tiffy.
1) when daddy came to fetch mel from the airport,
my mum and tiff had to take a bus back,
because my dad and mum's cold war didnt permit her a ride in his car.
and mel ust cried there and then.
this isn't what i would call, coming 'home'
2) daddy dotes on me alot.
everytime we have lunch he'll remind tiffy daily to remind me to come.
and when i'm too lazy to wake up, he'll just ask about me in my absence.
when i can't come because of a weekend rugby game,
he'd ask tiffy to secretly find out where i'm playing,
so that he can surprise me.
3) that same very man who wanted to surprise me has no heart.
my mum took a cat scan of the brain today.
set aside the financial burden on her for that one scan,
i can't imagine what she went through going into that huge machine,
just to find out if the doctor's diagnose of a brain tumor is right.
worse still she didn't tell ANYONE of us about it,
so its safe to say, she went through the ordeal alone.
if she would have told us, would it change anything?
so was that dream a signal about her?
i wished i had the answers. i wished there's no one month of waiting for the results.
but, again, would it change anything?
i still cannot figure if its better to have not known or to know.
and when tiffy told daddy about it, he didnt move a muscle on his face.
is this really the end of 25yrs of marriage?
what's this promises you made then,
through sickness and in health, till death do us part?
please, at least give me the reason to continue believeing in love,
or a fantasy rhealm of happiness.
whatever.
i cannot concentrate on what i dont have (anymore)
and what is real, what is the now.
mummy i love you and you're gonna be alright.
we're gonna be alright.
sometimes i feel like i don't know why i'm going on.
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