who am i to you.

what am i to you?
you, you you and YOU.
oh what a bad bad day.

already the whole day i'm feeling fucking depressed about me being fat.
and how my tummy's like a seal's
just when i wanted to do my assignment,
zul called, and asked me to do his resume for him.
i'm like, ok. its YOUR resume for YOUR job,
but i'm doing my assignment though i cant help at the moment
and suddenly it became my fault that i DIDNT WANT to help him.
that was it. breaking point.

and it so occurs to me that how true it was,
when someone once said that "i support others better then i support myself"
maybe this is what it means.
when people need something from me, i'd have to overlook my situations and needs to oblige.
and when i dont, its my fault, my bad. coz i cant say no.

or yet the simplest things, when i'm pouring my feelings out,
the topic is changed to revolved around the person my heart's crying to,
or that i'm ignored. flat. or brushed off.
for once, or just for a mere moment, let me know you listen.
i'm not expecting you to care, just emphetise.
listen.
and now, i'm more depressed abt the people in my life rather the situations of my life.
havnt i been there enough? or in the right way ever to deserve a good meaningful 5 mins of your time?
would it hurt once in awhile to ask if "i'm ok?" and truly mean it?
i cant remember when it was last i had a sincere hug.
or when someone said they loved steph for her.
can no one hear that my heart is screaming for attention?
can no one see that everyday i lose myself piece by piece?

maybe its not that i cant support myself as well as i support others,
its that i hope they'd know how much they mean to me,
and hopefully id mean the same too
so when the time comes i need them as how they did before, theyd be there to support me,
take me out of my own depression.
but no.

perhaps i'm living my life wrong.
or that i'm living the wrong life.
or that i'm right,
this life's not at all much worth living.
because yes, it is a vicious cycle.

tell me how not to be this un-optimistic?