packing your life away

and you know its hard to let go and start over,
when your luggage is spilling out its sides
and you cannot decide what to chuck, keep and pack.
what do you really take with you,
when all you want, is to start over?

goodbye

the reality is now, you are leaving.
and i look back on the times i really knew you.
and i just wished neither of us left so each night would last longer into the day after.
because in some small little little ways, in reasons i am unable to comprehend,my heart tingled each time you were near.
and i've missed that, not as much as i've missed you
and am going to.

do you ever think of me?
would things have ever been different?
all said, done and not,
i wish you well.

jaded

so i been to redang and back.
it was a great holiday, well deserved and it couldnt come at a better timing
for me to get my mind sorted and my directions clear.
but as soon as i crossed back over the boarder,
i felt everything weigh down again.
i miss simplicity, so take me back soon please.

days at work are getting tougher, and mundane.
im looking forward to paintballing tmr in jb,
and phuket for 4 days right after.
hopefully, its continue my spiritual and wellbeing healing.
it'll do me good,
especially after such a bad bad day yesterday.

and did i mention im addicted to online shopping now?
sigh.

ethan's first month

celebrated baby ethan's first month.

finally have my own camera so from now on blog's going to be PACCKEd with pictures.

(only just if and when i get the time, and find a damn way to upload pictures fast!)

no red eggs though!
but it was heartwarming.
everyone's all grown up now, and for the first time,
i saw the gleam in a parent's eye.

kelvin's all grown up in his army do, giving a red packet to the new proud daddy.
and granny just looked back at him, with such pride at how her grandson's grown
into a filial boy, handsome and healthy.
and how her granddaughters sit together at the same table,
all grown, bright and pretty.
and when we said our goodnights i felt a tear in my eye i fought back.
i miss my granny, the fond memories of when I use to stay with her
and how my aunty took us out last time
(with her exboyfriend DONALD duck)
and young uncle, today proud father,
whom i used to pick at his leg hair.



because home is where the heart is.

Thought of the Day

NO ONE IS SO GOOD THAT HE HAS NO BAD IN HIM, AND NO ONE IS SO BAD THAT HE HAS NO GOOD IN HIM.

We human beings are a complex lot. Many religious writings and great literary works are based upon the constant struggle between good and evil that goes on inside every one of us. This struggle is as old as mankind itself. Yet, while we recognize our own inner struggles, we are often quick to condemn others. Psychologists tell us that there is no such thing as a bad person; there are only bad behaviors. Make it a point to look for the good in yourself-and in others. Nurture the good character traits and work on the ones that may need improvement. Like plants in a garden, the character traits that grow strong and productive will be those that are fed, watered, and weeded regularly.


Pass the fertilizer?

creep

ive fallen back to square one,
into the silence and isolation
of forgetting familiarity
and being forgotten.
i miss making people proud.
or happy.

i want to get away.
to a place i don't need luggage.

i miss being carefree

the perfect man
can be anywhere in the world
but he choses to be with her
because life is better by her side.

daddy'sgirl

and i had a bad bad dream,
that i wish never to happen.
it brings tears to my eyes.

breaking point

i dont know if its because ive held on so long,
or that ive been distracted by being busy
that its a long time coming, blindsidedly
i'm having a breakdown.

but never have i found myself crying on the kitchen floor
i hate how things always ALWAYS happen all at once.
information/emotion overload.
all different things and feelings all at once,
i don't know where to start

to start with dealing with loss and getting over waiting.
with unforeseen circumstances and news
with insecurity, with work, with less time for familiar faces,
less time for z's, things going on at home, with my dog getting better.
its everything, just everything at once.
almost like a forced moodswing with everything that's going on.

frustration, worry, depression, satisfaction, relief, anxiousness, excitement, greif.
where do i begin?
how do i put time on a standstill?

i just really need a moment to stop and breath.
or better yet, just wake up to see, know and feel things dissapear.

it would help and be assuring to know someone, anyone understands.
and tell me it'll be alright and mean it.
to know that ive not lost the tracks and prints of my past,
because that's the only thing reminding me how strong i am,
and how strong i can be with familiarity and assurance.

i cant do this on my on.
not now, and not for long.
tomorrow, i'll just carry myself like i'm fine
afterall i think i'm getting good at it.

i never knew

no courtesy of goodbye.
and all i hear, is the sound of my failing heart.
the heart that once beat for you.
the one that you made skip.

i've already missed you.
no one person could ever stretch the extremes of emotions;
of happy highs to depressing lows.
you've done it all, only you.

perhaps, i never had you.
not the you that only i saw and see.
yet why am i blaming, me?




i need the beach soon.
i need to get away.
somewhere, someplace.
some unknown.

so i can be as alone as i feel.

<3

just beautiful.

puts a smile on my face and heart,

each time.

and this too...

for abit of an obvious (different) reason.

but if you find this breed/potential breed wandering the streets,

give me a call.

lessthenperfect

nowadays, im believing less and less of what people say and do.
walking oxymoronic juxterpositions.
how people are easily swayed out of their supposedly firm stance.
i guess that's what people do once their bored or given less attention,
they move on.

superficial world, go to hell.

and i'm so oftened kept in the dark,
yet not already used to it.
maybe least of all, from you.
that's what plastic is made of aie?

i know all of you, less.

Long Time Promise.

Dear Anonymous,

I have waited a long while. Time has gone by.
And I think you should uphold your end of the deal.

I'm referring to my tag board, a long time ago.
I have waited. And now, I have graduated.
It's time you told me who you are,
and what was it you had to say.

I've been patient.
So tell me. Before curiosity kills me.
A promise is a promise.



Love,
Me.

hokker M.V.P-uki womens 7s

my first m.v.p.
i didnt really feel i deserved it, i wasnt outstanding.
all thanks to my absense from training and exercise altogether.
but im glad i didnt give up.
and neither did we.

womens 7s on saturday was fun.
we played with 7 players, no subs.
we REALLY need to get numbers,
and more support.
but i always love my time with the girls,
on and off the pitch.

had my moments during the game.
esp when i was unexpectedly appointed hooker.
trurt me, a transition for a relatively newbie backline to a forward,
it quite a scary crash corse, esp on game day.
in a scrum, everyone saw my knickers.
a few scary moments when i wasnt sure if i was going to catch the ball as i felt it slipping around my body.
yes, around.
all in all, was a good game.
i'm kinda liking the hooker position.
exposure to many positions certainly would help any player improve prospectives of an overall game, and be flexible.
definately a note to work on my fitness and conditioning.
calves cramped up too many times.

after the games, went to rania's for a shower
already then i felt so sore with 4 blueblacks showing.
i brews easily.
met brooke and we headed to bq for food.
cant believe i went the whole day with just one bun in the morning
beers at night was crazy. havnt been out with the girls for so long.
did our fines.
we lost the boat race to the boys by one person! we could have won but dear frenchie coach lost it for us.
and didnt really notice till one of the fellas pointed out that i smoked nick dance.
i think he wasnt even trying on the first time, and i beat him.
the second time the dude bought the round for a rematch,
i won again. but i knew my boobs had some to drink, and im sure nick knew too.
but he was a good sport.
cant wait for another boat race! :)

off to pump room.
I REMEMBER I FELL. HAHA.
then to cheeeeena one with daniel.
bought nick and dan a round of flaming lambos.
their poison. nick feel asleep soon after,
and we left for mos, studio 54 to check out the dj
and daniel fell asleep soon after..
last i saw of daniel was him walking away and coming back to throw my wallet at me.
i quickly rushed to macs after to beat breakfast menu coz me li-ke some currrrly fries.
then home it was.

pigged out he whole of sunday while feeling like a stiff 60 yr old.
mad cravings i had, most of which satisfied.
from my morning fries and hash browns,
to ben and jerrys, instant noodles (wtf), laksa, crab!, chicken chop. OMG.
went to hit some (golf) balls at the field near mine. lost about half of what we brought out.
i have a record of missing the ball entirely for 4 times in a row.
cravings yet satisfied: sushi/salmon, thai food, satay.
and i have a heck of a meal menu in mind that i want to whip up,
just thinking of who for and when for.

so be nice to me.
stop and stare

mr.s-a

as much as i appreciate this first time honesty,
i hate that you didnt even try
its not a selfish thing you're trying to do
but not giving me enough credit
or the way you handled things
i can never figure you out
just when i was slowly phasing you out,
you say things i needed to hear
only to not substantiate it with actions
i'm just a sucker for believing you again
and once again i'm left stranded.
so with a bitter taste behind my throat
i remove pins of hope and the messages i keep.

so here we go again,
i'm starting on my own
i'm not that bad, am i?
maybe you deserve better,
but so did i, from what seemed like the beginnging.
if it was all true, i don't see how you can let it fall to this.
i can't wait to get out of here,
it just holds nothing to me.

and to what could have been, and whoever you want to be.
you were the boy who i could really love.

thelookingglass

Hi, its me.
I'm sorry, i know its late,
but
what happened to us?
i dont know who i am anymore,
or how i got here
i miss who i use to be
i wanna have a home again, you know?
and real friends
the kind of friendships we use to belive in
i miss that
and i miss you

i guess i just miss all of it
it just doesnt make sense.
are you happy?

retard

i dont know if its a problem i have,
that i base my worth of importance,
on the people around me -
who they are, what they mean to me,
possibly, how many?

i'd rather not have,
then to have to lose.
and last night, was just retarded.
a bloody let down.

with my killer hooker heels on,
pushing an additional 4inches,
i've never felt shorter,
and smaller.

so this is what having a 'ty' instead of a 'teen' feels like.
and its only the begining.


i hate this.
i hate being here.

hedontloveyou,likeido.

its exactly what i didnt want to happen-
you opening up a can of worms with whatever you said,
leaving me hanging again.

i don't know which is worse,
you having no recollection of it,
or me actually believing every word you said.

do it, or don't,
i won't wait this one out, again.
you already lost me one too many times.
don't do this to me again, not when i'm in a happier place.

i can't figure you out, ever and never.
there's too many 'again's.
i deserve better then this.
it was good while it lasted.

i love the rain and thunder outside
good theraphy for the soul in moments like these.
and i miss you.

137

got this off ruby's.and i won you dear! :) i'm sorry i've been to busy,to tell you/everyone how much you make a difference in my life/2007.happy new year to all, babies!

whereveryouwillgo

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